It's my brow or the highbrow!
A few weeks back, a good friend of mine had her eyebrows waxed and tinted. (Tinted! I had no idea such a thing could be done!)
I've seen her a few times since the beautification, and I sincerely could not keep my eyes off of those eyebrows.
Last week it became quite clear to me that I would not be able to rest until my own eyebrows were half as fabulous as Tempe's. I decided to set up an appointment for My First Eyebrow Waxing.
Wait. Before we go on, I know you're wondering about The History of Fluid Pudding Eyebrows. Let me just say this: They were sort of thick and crazy in high school, and then they disappeared entirely during my sophomore year of college.
For the past ten years or so, they've looked exactly like this:
I know what you're asking yourself: How can you wax something that doesn't exist, Parmenides?
After setting up the appointment, I found myself asking the same thing.
Anyway, last night I nervously journeyed over to American Image Salon and Spa. (And, yes. The name scares the hell out of me. I pictured myself walking in with skinny eyebrows and all, and leaving as a large American flag patchwork vest on a reluctant mission to the Mall of America to procure a These Colors Don't Run t-shirt.)
My aesthetician led me back to a dark room where she assured me that Yes! I do have enough brows for a waxing.
Aesthetician: You would probably really like the tinting, too. It lasts for about three and a half weeks, and it really emphasizes the brows.
Me: I don't want to leave here with skinny little crazy Phyllis Diller eyebrows.
Aesthetitican: You won't. It will look natural, and the dye will actually adhere to the brow hairs that you have, but can't see.
So she waxed me. And she dyed. (And I hid her body in the trunk of my Nissan. Ha Ha Ha!!! I'm always cracking wise!!!)
When she handed me the mirror so I could delight in my new brows, I almost cried.
Me: Oh! Wow! Redness and swelling! Lot of redness and swelling.
Aesthetician: It will go away. It takes ten minutes for some people, and ten hours for others, but it will not be there tomorrow. AND, you'll notice that some of the dye stays on the skin. Most of it will be gone by the morning, but it takes about three days for it to completely fade.
So, I left the salon looking like someone had punched me in both eyes and then used a Sharpie to make my brows look like Groucho Marx.
I had originally planned on going to a yarn store and then out to eat after the waxing. It took one quick glance into the rearview mirror to make me realize that I wasn't going anywhere but home.
When I turned onto my street, I was mortified to see our neighbor outside with his daughter. He waved. I cringed. I quickly pushed the button on the garage door opener and sped into the garage as soon as I had clearance. And I didn't brake fast enough, because I rammed my car into the ten foot high stack of cardboard boxes that we keep against the back of the garage. And every single one of those boxes fell avalanche-style onto the hood of the Nissan. And the greatest thing of all is that the iMac box (a very large and pretty box) then fell off of my car and knocked the weed whacker into the driver's side door--trapping me and my pissed off beefy eyebrows inside the car. I was forced (not really forced, but I like the idea of a weed whacker forcing me) to crawl out of the passenger side and shimmy past the trash cans before I could haul ass into the house where I washed my face 528 times.
Today my eyebrows look 93% better. Pronounced, but not distracting.
And I know you want to see a picture of them. And believe me, I've tried to get a good one. In fact, I tried for nearly thirty minutes before it hit me that I've wasted thirty minutes trying to take a decent picture of my eyebrows.
And it's really disappointing to think that I can't get those thirty minutes back.
Oh! Before I forget! If you're in St. Louis and you're in the market for a wax and dye, I would definitely recommend the American Image place.
It has been nearly 24 hours, and I've yet to burp out an unexpected Lee Greenwood tune.
Submitted by
BOSSY
at 4/6/2007 4:30:53 PM- Good for you: Bossy knows how important eyebrows are even if her own are largely ignored. If the eyes are windows to the soul than Bossy needs new shutters.
Submitted by
coolbeans
at 4/6/2007 5:07:56 PM- This is why it is so awesome gigantic sunglasses are all the rage. Except, you would look kind of silly wearing the big sunglasses in the yarn store and a restaurant.
So maybe not.
Submitted by
Karly
at 4/6/2007 7:25:33 PM- I am going on strike from reading your blog until I get a photo of those brows. On strike, I tell you!
Submitted by
FP
at 4/6/2007 8:49:28 PM- Ok. This is my new right brow. Dig the strong strong arch.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding! (I'll keep trying to get a decent photo. In the meantime, my computer is filling up with crappy photos of my eyes. Very creepy.)
Submitted by
blackbird
at 4/6/2007 9:02:03 PM- That picture is freaking me out.
But the dye looks good.
Submitted by
OMSH
at 4/6/2007 11:33:42 PM- AACK! You just startled the living heck - yes, HECK (take that bad boy) right OUT of me with that eyebrow shot in the comments.
Bwahahaha
I want to do this - I HAVE eyebrows, but my are they so terribly unruly. And I hate pluckdom.
Submitted by
islaygirl
at 4/7/2007 11:05:40 AM- the picture scares me, but i'm a convert to the having brows professionally done. last time i was in, my aethetician was waxing nostalgic (GET IT?) and talking about how it's only taken a year to get my brows trained. my brows are like small dachshunds, apparently.
Submitted by
jess
at 4/7/2007 11:36:44 AM- Waxing is addicting. Except when you take your children with you by mistake one time.
Then you realize that aesthiticians are assholes.
Submitted by
ozma
at 4/7/2007 8:29:49 PM- I dye them sometimes. Oh, the shame. I like the word 'tint' much better.
Submitted by
KD
at 4/8/2007 10:03:51 AM- I don't think I'll be joining you all in the tintfest. I already have nearly-black eyebrows that clash horribly with my reddish hair.
Submitted by
Susan
at 4/8/2007 10:03:35 PM- Oh my god that bit about the boxes and the weed whacker is the funniest thing I've read since . . . well, I don't know.
Submitted by
AmyinKC
at 4/9/2007 3:25:31 PM- I had my brows waxed and tinted on Friday, too! And then the aesthetician asked if I wanted her to pluck the dark chin hairs she saw! So I punched her!
No, I didn't. I said yes, please. I guess if someone's going to notice them it's good that it's someone who is in a position to do something about them...
I'm trying to grow mine out after more than a decade of over-plucking. I've never been waxed. Actually, I probably have enough to wax now, but I kind of enjoy plucking. It's almost soothing, in an acupuncture-esque sort of way.