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Is there a doctor in the house?

Do you remember a few days back when I mentioned my 1:00 Billy Pancake mosquito bite?

I have reason to believe that whatever bit me was really a deadly spider dressed in a (very convincing) mosquito's clothing.

Meet Silas.



(Have you finished your lunch? Because you really don't want to go any further if your mouth is full.)

Silas is perched in the Amazon Basin of my South America.

With no warning at all, he opens his mouth three or four times per day and spouts yuck onto my pants.

(I fully understand if you never want to talk to me again. I don't think I could be friends with someone who sports a yuck spout as nasty as Silas.)

The circumferential splotchy red area? It is growing. It sort of reminds me of the blood poisoning scare I had after getting my tattoo at Spyder's house. (Have I told you that story?)

I'm hoping that the splotchy area surrounding Silas will eventually form words, and within a week I will have a message like "Obama for President!" across my mid-section.

Wait a second. Do you realize I wasted precious Me Time to stage an impromptu photo shoot for Silas the Spitting Scabby Thing? Tweedle-de-dee, my friends.

(And Silas says, "Voldemort shall return, Death Eaters!")

((And then Silas says, "99 dreams I have had. In every one, a red balloon. It's all over and I'm standing pretty in this dust that was a city. If I could find a souvenir just to prove the world was here. And here is a red balloon. I think of you and let it go."))

UPDATED TO ADD: I'm going to the doctor on Monday morning. It's the earliest he could get me in. Repeat: I am going to the doctor on Monday morning. It's the earliest he could get me in. Roger.

Posted by: fluidpudding on 6/9/2007 6:42:29 AM , 38 comments
Submitted by Kate at 6/7/2007 2:49:12 PM
    That looks painful...and scary...maybe you could go see the dr???
    I know I don't know you personally but it just worries me.
    Kate
Submitted by blackbird at 6/7/2007 3:03:06 PM
    You
    are
    freaking
    me
    out.
Submitted by FP at 6/7/2007 3:08:57 PM
    Kate--That's the plan.

    bb--You haven't seen anything yet!
Submitted by Em at 6/7/2007 3:35:14 PM
    Yes, go to the doctor. That looks gross and also painful.

    I am not a fan of Silas.
Submitted by kilowatthour at 6/7/2007 4:22:29 PM
    um. ew.
    does it... hurt? itch? plot your demise?
Submitted by FP at 6/7/2007 5:06:59 PM
    kilowatthour--It itches like crazy. It is the itch of a million bugs crawling under my skin.

    (There IS a doctor in the house!)
Submitted by Jessica at 6/7/2007 5:23:37 PM
    whoooo girl! i just was sitting here eating pretzels and drinking me some vodka and hawaiian punch, when I scrolled down and damn near gagged so hard vodka came out my nose. You do know thats alcohol abuse, right?

    I hope that Silas disappears real soon, for your sake, and for all of those who eat their dinner at the computer. :)
Submitted by KD at 6/7/2007 5:56:46 PM
    Get thee to a doctor, woman! Or else you might end up like this guy: http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_slideshow84.htm
Submitted by whoorl at 6/7/2007 6:04:10 PM
    ]=]]=

    That message was personally typed by Wito. He's very concerned!
Submitted by lauren at 6/7/2007 8:29:06 PM
    yes, get to a dr quickly, before they have to scoop out your gangrene innards with a melon baller
Submitted by Alli at 6/7/2007 9:33:58 PM
    Maybe you were bitten by a brown recluse(sp?). I don't know how to spell it - but I do know it's poison necroses the skin which is bad, very very bad. See MD!
Submitted by jill at 6/7/2007 11:19:47 PM

    Do NOT NOT NOT google images for brown recluse bite. But do get to the doctor. I'm a big worrier over here.

    Jill
Submitted by Kristen at 6/8/2007 1:45:04 AM
    Good thing you're planning to go to the doctor.

    I have a nasty spider bite story, but since this is a comment form and I didn't see "Please tell me gross and scary things about yourself", I'll wait until you've actually requested it.

    Because it's like that other thing I do, when someone tells me they're pregnant, for some reason all I can talk about is other people I know whose pregnancies were either extremely difficult or went horribly wrong. You don't want to hear my spider story until you've been to the doctor and gotten your bite fixed.
Submitted by FP at 6/8/2007 6:43:09 AM
    Kristen--I definitely DO want to hear your story. I'll make it official: Please tell me gross and scary things about yourself.
Submitted by jen at 6/8/2007 7:50:59 AM
    gross. I threw up in my mouth a little just now.
    Its a good thing I like your hair, or I might never be able to come back here.
    :)
    Hope your dr. gives you some good stuff!
Submitted by lizneust at 6/8/2007 9:43:02 AM
    Ewww.... Delurking to say you should probably also get the doctor to culture it for staph - that is EXACTLY what a skin-based staph infection looks and...um...squicks like. Be well soon.
Submitted by Laurel at 6/8/2007 9:44:46 AM
    You slay me, you and Silas.

    Please don't die.
Submitted by Jaynee at 6/8/2007 10:50:27 AM
    Having just gone through the whole boil-on-the-inner-thigh thing a few weeks ago, I definitely say get to a dr sooner rather than later. Those things get PAINFUL if you let them drag on (not to mention requiring 8 more-painful-than-the-boil shots of anesthetic around the area when it has to be drained).

    Thanks for putting me off my lunch today, by the way. I needed to go on a diet anyway.
Submitted by sharon at 6/8/2007 12:50:46 PM
    Just make sure it's not a tick bite!
Submitted by Meira at 6/8/2007 1:06:36 PM
    You're freaking hysterical.

    And I love the whole Ferris Bueller-esque "Please don't die!" comments. Can I put a quarter in your pepsi can? You're really at the art museum, aren't you?

    Spontaneous spewing on your slacks, eh? I'd slap some neosporin on that sucker and cover it with a band-aid, but I'm doctor-phobic, so . . .
Submitted by Marcia at 6/8/2007 1:11:08 PM
    A) Gross.

    B) Drs are good. But having Jeff bring home various skin disorder books so you can scare yourself silly that you have some really gross and rare disease. And then go to the doctor completely freaked out.

    C) Why Silas?
Submitted by Rachel at 6/8/2007 1:39:41 PM
    I second the staph infection comment.

    I haven't heard the tatoo at Spyder's house story, but I have seen a big notice in the local ER that says "IF YOU RECIEVED A TATOO AT (some St. Louis address) CONTACT THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH IMMEDIATELY".

    Try not to lose a limb, m'kay?
Submitted by FP at 6/8/2007 2:26:34 PM
    Rachel--I wouldn't lose a limb. I WOULD LOSE MY TORSO. How weird would that look (especially since I'm already sort of short-waisted, I would then be waisted-wasted!)?!

    Doctor appointment Monday at 11:30, unless I rot before then.

    Marcia--The name Silas is underused, in my opinion.
Submitted by Stephanie Scott at 6/8/2007 2:27:42 PM
    Yes, get thee to a doctor immediately.
    And I must tell you that the whole "Silas is perched in the Amazon basin of my South America" comment made me laugh so hard I might have peed a little, but I will never admit to it, even though I could just chalk it up to being 9 month pregnant, but I digress...

    That was possibly the best piece of writing I've encountered in quite some time. keep the stories coming regardless of how graphic or puss-filled.
Submitted by mizmell at 6/8/2007 4:51:04 PM
    This is one of those instances, which it is NOT A GOOD IDEA to wait and see what happens next. Seek professional help. Please.
Submitted by FP at 6/8/2007 5:22:50 PM
    mizmell--I see the doctor Monday at 11:30. It's the earliest he could get me in.

    Thanks to everyone for their concern. Please know that although I crack wise, I'm also on the ball when it comes to calling the doctor. (I know his number by heart!)
Submitted by islaygirl at 6/9/2007 1:05:22 AM
    you live in st. louis, right? my first husband was from there, and instilled the fear of brown recluse spiders in me. GO TO A DOCTOR.
Submitted by BOSSY at 6/9/2007 9:27:06 AM
    Take solace: If that were a hair emergency the stylist wouldn't be able to get you in until wednesday.
Submitted by kilowatthour at 6/9/2007 12:03:14 PM
    oooooh, if you're lucky there'll be an I&D. fun! or, you know, you could use some warm soapy water soaking just to see if it helps.
Submitted by FP at 6/9/2007 12:13:46 PM
    kilowatthour--I'm thinking of investing in some leeches. I think a leech would leave less of a scar than the I&D thing.

    Actually, a little scar might be okay. It would give my appendectomy scar someone to talk to. (He's sick of playing solitaire.)
Submitted by kf at 6/9/2007 5:58:22 PM
    heres an old ozark hillbilly thing we use for bee stings-Monday!! (stupid doctors) take baking soda and a bit of water make a paste and slap it on the bite site it will draw out some of the poison.
    Since you'll need to be still while you've got that sitting on your leg I'll send my cabana boy over to lend a hand.
Submitted by Betsy at 6/9/2007 10:46:03 PM
    Man, wouldn't it be something if the doctor had to amputate your bellybutton and replace it with one of your toes?
Submitted by H at 6/10/2007 10:28:43 AM
    I have decided that all your loyal readers now deserve a big, beautiful picture of Harper and MC to make up for this one...

    I can't explain why I keep clicking back over here to check on you, except I trust you'd tell us (and post photo evidence) if it were getting gangrenous. You would, right? You wouldn't keep that from us?
Submitted by pharmgirl at 6/10/2007 7:39:32 PM
    Uh, probably too late to post this, but if you ever have a questionable bite like that again, draw a circle around the red area.
    That way you can gauge it's progress/spread.

    Stay safe...
Submitted by Thomas at 6/11/2007 12:42:37 AM
    Did you mention the spitting. I figure he'd bump you up if he knew about the spitting.
Submitted by Stacie at 6/11/2007 8:13:40 AM
    Please! Don't forget to post an update after Doc. visit. We're worried about you! HUGS
Submitted by Sarahlynn at 6/11/2007 9:06:52 PM
    Oh! Something just reminded me that I've forgotten to post post-staph-infection pictures of my thumb. Now that was out of the blue. Where on earth could it have come from?

    Gary and I used to gross each other out by leaving pictures from the dictionary on each others' desk chairs. Until I unwisely chose a condition afflicted a member of his family. Oops.
Submitted by metalia at 6/13/2007 11:37:30 PM
    This totally put my annoying, back-of-the knee mosquito bite into perpective. Feel better!
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