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Day Twenty Eight: And Meredith slept like a log.

Scene: Two thirty in the morning. All lights are out. The children are nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugarplums dance in their heads.

Harper (from her bed): Daddy! WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!

Me (elbowing Jeff): Harper wants you.

(Jeff trudges into the girls' room.)

Harper: I forgot my bedtime drink in my dinosaur cup!

Jeff: That's okay. Let me tuck you in, and we'll get your drink in the morning.

Harper: I want my bedtime drink now!!! WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!

Jeff: Fine. Get up and go into the kitchen.

Harper: I want MOMMY to get my drink. WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Jeff: Mommy's sleeping. Come on.

Harper: I WANT MOMMY TO GET MY DRINK!!! WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

(This is where I pissedly jump out of bed and stomp to the kitchen. I HATE catering to ridiculous requests at this time of night, but with Harper and Meredith sharing a room, we try to do anything we can to stop the screaming.)

Me: Fine. Get into the kitchen. Now.

(Jeff reaches into the cabinet and grabs a dinosaur cup. A green dinosaur cup.)

Harper: I WANT THE GRAY DINOSAUR CUP!!! WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Me (with absolutely no patience): Fine! Here. Drink it.

Harper: I WANT TO DRINK IT IN THE FRONT ROOM!!!!

Me: No. You'll drink it in the kitchen.

Harper: FRONT ROOM!!!! WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Me (not very proud of how I'm handling this): You can drink it in the kitchen, or I can throw it away.

(Harper then drank her milk and headed back to her room. I followed.)

Harper: No! I want DADDY to cover me up!!!!

By this time, adrenaline was dripping out of my ears. And this is where I give a big shout out to God for podcasts. I was able to catch up on two episodes of This American Life before conking out.

During Terrible Two Meltdowns, I like to count down the hours until I can leave the house on my own.

Eight hours until my haircut.

Thirty two hours until dinner and knitting.

(Sometimes Indian food gives me a stomachache. But that doesn't mean I don't love it. Keep that in mind.)

Posted by: fluidpudding on 11/28/2007 11:26:21 AM , 20 comments
Submitted by Erica (crummy cupcake) at 11/28/2007 11:12:13 AM
    I'm so glad Meredith is OK. I was a bit alarmed by the post title.
Submitted by Sara at 11/28/2007 11:13:21 AM
Submitted by Aurora at 11/28/2007 11:22:17 AM
    Oh I feel your pain...I HATE and have NO patience for when my daughter wants me and not my husband in the middle of the night!!! But, I LOVE This American Life!!
Submitted by kimblahg at 11/28/2007 11:26:43 AM
    House of India? I love This American Life and it never ocurred to me to download it to my iPod. I'm an iDiot. We are starting the terrible two's around here but it is times three so I think I'll need some soothing NPR voices to calm me down.
Submitted by FP at 11/28/2007 11:29:19 AM
    Erica--Holy smokes! Thanks for the heads-up. (I changed the title.) Sorry about that!

    Sara--I have that episode saved because I love it so much. The camp comedian segment kills me!

    Aurora--I know! I find such relief when she yells out for Jeff in the middle of the night. Does that make me a jerk?

    Kimblahg--I can't imagine it to the third power. NPR has a million podcasts for you!
Submitted by You can call me, 'Sir' at 11/28/2007 12:12:29 PM
    This is why the thought of having children has always scared me more than a galloping horde of mongols.
Submitted by sweetney at 11/28/2007 12:26:20 PM
    crabby or not, that's one cute little pumpkin.
Submitted by Neb at 11/28/2007 1:15:09 PM
    Okay... now, those of us who didn't see the original title are going to die of curiosity... What exactly did you say about Meredith?
Submitted by FP at 11/28/2007 1:41:28 PM
    Neb--So funny. It was something like "Meredith Never Woke Up." Out of context, it sounds pretty tragic. (Of course, I'm laughing as I type this. Please know, however, that it's a very uncomfortable laugh.)
Submitted by witchypoo at 11/28/2007 1:53:28 PM
    That, in a nutshell, is why they are born so cuddly and adorable. To keep us from killing them at times like this. Petty tyrants. Bah.
Submitted by stlbee at 11/28/2007 1:53:51 PM
    Ugh! I know your frustration. What's even worse is when you 10-yr old does that kind of S@*# in the middle of the night. I have even less patience because I'm thinking she's 10, not 2!
Submitted by anon at 11/28/2007 3:39:38 PM
    ok, this is going to sound really mean but once upon a time when i was substitute teaching in a second grade classroom, a bratty little girl kept fake crying and having meltdowns b/c it was her *birthday* and everything should have been perfect on her *birthday* but she had to serve detention because she had been bratty apparently, all week. i finally squatted down on her level, looked at her directly in the eyes, and said "this fake crying thing is just embarrassing, see look around (classmates were all busy and ignoring her) you do this so much, everyone is immune to it! and as for serving detention on your birthday, let this be a reminder that yesterday's actions impact today." she didn't fake cry for the rest of the day! i'm told that was a small miracle.
Submitted by FP at 11/28/2007 3:56:01 PM
    Anon--That doesn't sound mean at all! Unfortunately, at two years of age, I don't think the peer behavior comparison thing would work on her. She's more into the "if you're crying like that you can't even DRINK your milk, so no milk until the crying stops" thing.

    (She can turn it on and off like a switch. In fact, it's sort of funny to whisper to her when she's crying, because she has to turn her volume down in order to hear what we're saying.)
Submitted by barbara at 11/28/2007 6:53:17 PM
    Oooo, she may be aggravating, but she is a cutie! :-)

    Speaking of Indian, I recommend the lunch buffets at Flavor of India and Ruchee (both on Olive).
Submitted by FP at 11/28/2007 7:14:12 PM
    Thanks, Barbara! Have you tried Gokul at Page and Warson (2 buildings east of Imo's)? It's a fast food Indian buffet (less than ten minutes from my house), and it's amazing.
Submitted by Aurora at 11/28/2007 7:28:22 PM
    FP: no it doesn't make you (or me!) a jerk! It makes us tired of being mommy all the time, and wanting a break in the middle of the night... and when our spouse actually does get up, the kid should be grateful for him, that's all! ;-) It so often backfires, though, as your post shows.... I can't sleep through all the screaming for Mommy!
Submitted by islaygirl at 11/28/2007 10:22:07 PM
    Podcasts of TAL got me through an interminable flight in the middle seat recently. i heart Ira Glass.
Submitted by erika at 11/29/2007 7:07:29 AM
    This sounds like every night in our house. In fact, this post gave me the uncontrollable giggles. "Not YOU, Daddy! Go away! I want Mommy!" We try to talk to her about it during the day: "Aw, look at your nice Daddy, isn't he so helpful?" But at night? It's all about Mommy. I just want to watch my shows in peace! What I'm saying is: I know all about the stomping and no patience.
Submitted by linsey at 11/29/2007 10:56:06 AM
    Ha! I think you have way more patience that I do. My 4 year old no longer tries to wake me up, he runs past my side of the bed to his dad's. :) The amount of times I've threatened to put my children out on the lawn to sleep...
Submitted by Alli at 11/29/2007 11:48:55 AM
    She is mini Meredith! You are a clone maker, did Jeff have DNA input? They are both gorgeous! I once read that tantrums are just a sign of independance. I will keep telling myself that.
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