The Long-Overlooked Opportunity Of Literary Product Placement
Did you know that
99.99% of all literature does absolutely nothing to boost the Gross
Domestic Product? It’s true. A majority of writing isn’t tied to a
single consumer product. Apart
from a few brave brand pioneers like Fay “Bulgari” Weldon and Carole
“Ford” Matthews, authors are stubbornly refusing to make their stories
economically relevant. Hollywood doesn’t get all hinky when deep
corporate pockets walk on the set. So why can’t all these closeted
scribblers get over themselves?
Let's
grab hold of this long-overlooked opportunity. And let's start with the
dead, because the dead don’t whine. Let’s get Penguin to relaunch those
classics with a little added synergy. Here’s just a taste of literature that has the guts to sell.
---
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and the GE Soft White Light Bulb is the sun.
Call me Ishmael, with Skype™ v2.5.
And so we beat on, Bayliner® boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly yet comfortably into the past.
It was the best of times, it was the best of times, thanks to Lexapro (see our ad in US Weekly!).
LINDA: “Willy Loman never made a lot of money. His name was never
in the paper. He’s not the finest character that ever lived, but he's a
human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him, so attention
must be paid.”
BIFF: [turns to audience] “Unlike Fine Furniture Warehouse, where you can buy now and pay absolutely nothing until 2008.”
I’ll
try and be what he loves to call me, “a little woman,” and not be rough
and wild; but do my duty here instead of wanting to be somewhere else.
Perhaps I’ll begin watching Oprah.
Who is John Galt? Find out at www.classmates.com.
In
the souls of the people the Welch’s Grape Juice of wrath is filling and
growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage. (NOTE: Get that creepy
little Welch’s spokesgirl to read this aloud = adorable!)
Submitted by
Carroll
at 12/15/2006 10:54:26 AM- "Call me, Ishmael..."
That one had me snorting on a green M&M. With all the phone companies out there, why has no brilliant ad campaign been launched with that opener? The literati must surely be a relevant, yet overlooked, demographic in the ad biz. I think you're on to something here.
And speaking of product placement...
I will admit to having read most of the DaVinci Code, only because it was left on a shelf in a condo we once rented someplace. But y'know? When I came to the can of Coke (not soda, not bubbly...it was specifically called out as Coke) that one of the characters swigged so happily at one point, I tossed it. Confirmed the feeling I'd had from page one (and I'm surely going to alienate a few readers with this opinion) that this wasn't "great literature", nossir -- it was a written-for-Hollywood, lead-actors-already-in-mind, screenplay-in-the-making.
Bah Humbug!
Submitted by
Carroll
at 12/15/2006 10:56:00 AMAck -- sorry for the double post -- weird error code came up
Submitted by
jana
at 12/15/2006 12:30:18 PM- Awesome! Yeah, I caught that Coke reference in the DaVinci Crap...er, Code, too.
Submitted by
Jessica
at 12/15/2006 8:39:57 PM- You are a very clever man! Excellent topic and presentation!
And Carroll, honey, of course The Da Vinci Code is not a great piece of literature! But, it's a damn fun, heartpounding read! The movie left so much to be desired, though, it's astounding. If I did not already know what an amazing actor Tom Hanks is, this movie would make me think he's an untalented dolt! No stars for this flick at all from me.
Submitted by
JustLinda
at 12/15/2006 9:46:50 PM- Yeah, i don't know why I don't place coersive messages within my writing (right now! go visit justlinda dot net! hurry! you won't regret it!) but maybe it's something I should consider doing in the future... Food for thought. ;)
Submitted by
ben
at 12/15/2006 11:44:49 PM- Sorry about the odd errors when leaving comments. It's fixed.
Submitted by
Carole
at 12/16/2006 1:44:34 AM- Hey, Rock, you rock! Very funny, particularly the Lexapro...I still have a silly grin on my face from that one! I was reminded of the Trader Joe's Victorian comics in their ad flyers. But seriously, how sad is it that this could TOTALLY happen? Especially to American literature...never underestimate an American's ability to resist the power of temptation to whore out one's craft.
By the way, this is my first comment posted since the Fluid Pudding revamp. And I gotta say, "Well done!" to all of you (Angela, Hobo, Carroll, Emily, and J.Chris). Some say variety is the spice of life, but if your looking to spice up that boring chicken dinner, try McCormick's new Szechuan Style Pepper Blend!
Submitted by
Carroll
at 12/16/2006 10:55:59 AM- Heee -- that's us, alright -- the "Pepper Blend" team of Fluid Pudding ;)
And ben, you must be the computer guru behind this overall magnificence. Thanks for what must indeed represent a ton of hard work on your part!!
Submitted by
Sara
at 12/18/2006 6:05:12 AM- I'm relieved that others have noticed that the Welch's creatures are creepy.
There's also an ad for Target -- at least, I think it's Target; it's very red and white -- supposedly trying to get us to buy Christmas presents there for children, and all the children they've used in the ad are scary, but in diverse ways. There are the alien children with the giant heads and enormous, sucking-vortex-dark eyes. (Tell me it's the camera angle. Then tell me why they used that camera angle.) There is Eastern European supermodel child licking frosting off an Easy Bake creation, though she's so thin I think this must be the first food she's had all year. There is scary little clique girl swinging her feet from a tree at the end; she looks like every mean girl I ever knew in elementary school.
Has anyone noticed them, too? Or do I just really obviously need therapy to recover from a host of 30-year-dormant issues?
GREAT IDEA!!!! Why do writers think they are too high and mighty to sell out?!