Slick as a sloven!
Yesterday afternoon I received a telephone call from the Imaging Center at the hospital.
Imaging Center Lady (ICL): Angela? Are you still planning on coming in at 6:30 for your MRI?
Me: I will be there! But I thought it was a CT scan.
ICL: No. It's an MRI, and because of the snow we would like for you to come in a few hours early if you can. Say, 5-ish?
Me: MRI. 5-ish. Count me in.
So I drove through the ice and snow with my iPod on shuffle, and I'm not going to list all of the songs that played, but I WILL say that I found it slightly amusing (and possibly prophetic) when Andrew Bird's "Fiery Crash" came on.
The drive that should have taken me about twenty minutes took nearly an hour.
It was sleety. It was slushy. Foreshadowing!
When I arrived at the hospital, the maintenance crew was busy spreading salt around, as the parking lot was slushy. And sleety. (There, I said it again. Just trying to keep it fresh in your head and all.)
I walked into the Imaging Center and was greeted by the most hurried woman I've ever come across.
Hurried Woman: Sign-in-on-this-clipboard-and-fill-out-this-form-please.
Me: Right-o.
(Less than a minute later, I heard the Hurried Woman telling her co-worker buddy that she gets to go home as soon as she finishes the paperwork "on the last lady.")
((So. I really AM The Last Lady. I'm quite amiable, I follow The Rules of Conduct, and my pinkie jets outward sometimes as I eat with a tiny spoon. I thought it was a quirk, but perhaps it's a Sign.))
Hurried Woman: AngelaPudding?
Me (feeling slightly majestic): Yes?
Hurried Woman: Please-follow-me-so-I-can-enter-your-information-into-the-computer.
Me (jumping up from my chair to help this poor woman get out of the building as soon as possible, because I'm The Last Lady, which means I am quite Compassionate): Okay.
Hurried Woman: How's-the-weather-out-there?
Me (starting to feel the effects of this woman's frantic demeanor): It's slutty. Oh. Wait.
Hurried Woman: I-need-your-license-and-your-insurance-card.
Me: Slushy. Sleety. Heh. Heh heh. Not much of a lady anymore, am I? Anyway, yeah. Let me get those for you.
An hour later, after the employees had straightened the magazines, buttoned their parkas, and left the appointment center, it was my turn to go back to the MRI room.
In and out in fifteen minutes. Because I'm a Lady.
AND, because I'm the most charming lady you know, I was able to finagle a copy of the CD that holds Every Single One of my MRI images.
But now I'm afraid to look at it.
Because how much would it suck for me to be all, "Tee hee, Photoshop! This collage thing is the most kick ass Valentine's Day gift ever! Wait. Is that thing on my brain a normal thing? That might really be something that sucks. Maybe. And now I get to wait a week to find out. Time for a nap + a few additional signs of anxiety disorder... Fiddle dee dee!"
Be careful out there. It's still a bit slutty.
Submitted by
Mutha
at 2/1/2008 4:28:39 PM- Wait, wait. Back up a sec.
What?
Should we be anxious right there with you? What thing on your brain?
Worried...
Submitted by
FP
at 2/1/2008 4:50:31 PM- Mocha--I knew you had something to do with it. You and your licking habit!
Mutha--I'm sure there's nothing on my brain. I fully expect to have my "Healthy Lady" stamp within the next few days.
Submitted by
Mutha
at 2/1/2008 5:40:37 PM- Here's to nothing on your brain but lots on your mind. Post when you know, plz.
Submitted by
Assertagirl
at 2/1/2008 5:46:16 PM- Heh, ironically, your comment confirmation thingy made me type "Buckethead."
I am fascinated by the fact you received a copy of your MRI on CD! Amazing.
Submitted by
Meg
at 2/1/2008 7:49:47 PM- slutty! ha!
Submitted by
SarahO
at 2/1/2008 9:50:14 PM- My, you are funny when you're stressed! Hope all is well.
We have a video of my husband's shoulder surgery. We need to find a VCR, break out the Fritos, Jalapeno Dip and Budweisers and make an evening of it.
Submitted by
Jane
at 2/1/2008 11:20:39 PM- Hm. Slutty. I like it. It was rather slutty here (Chicago) last night as well, but I'm not clever enough to have funny slips of the tongue about it. I was all, like, this shit sucks!
I stayed awake during my kidney surgery so that I could watch them poking around on the camera. People's insides are gross... Photoshop helps, though, I've heard.
Submitted by
sweetney
at 2/2/2008 10:12:46 AM- your brain is fine! fine, i say!
also, i would find it very difficult to not be making brain collages right now were i you. you're a stronger woman than me.
Submitted by
Sara
at 2/2/2008 2:06:14 PM- Not that I'm an expert, but I'm relieved it was an MRI and not a CT because CT scans are apparently the equivalent of hundreds of X-rays' worth of radiation, and while if you've got to have it, you've got to have it, my understanding is that CTs are kind of useless for brain diagnostics -- you know, in all but the most obvious scenarios (e.g., "Oh, look, she has no medulla oblongata," something you'd have noticed already). So I expected a CT meant that you were going to end up having to get an MRI, too, and who needs that? Cut to the chase already, right? So, yay.
Second, OOOOOH, you finaigled a disk! Mazeltov. Hours and hours of crafty fun await you whether you ultimately decide it's appropriate Valentine material or not. Meanwhile, maybe there's a chest x-ray of yours (showing your heart, of course) floating around somewhere.
Best wishes for a happy outcome on the testing.
Submitted by
gwendomama
at 2/10/2008 11:34:29 AM- Wow. A few weeks ago it was uncharacteristically slutty (you, know, for california - cause we're not all like britney here - that wouldn't be fair to make that sort of assumption) here too...and that is just what i called it.
but, because i must live near the rest of the Last Ladies in the world, nobody got my joke.
losers.
That was me. I was out for a while last night and produced the "slutty" from our sleety weather.
Be careful!
And protect your precious head!
And rock out to that iPod!