Three Notes from a Funeral
1. When the only tights you have are of the maternity variety, you really should go buy new tights before attending a Visitation. I haven't worn tights since my grandma died when I was nine months pregnant with Harper. On Monday, I found myself getting ready for another trip to the funeral parlor, and the only tights in sight were big-bellied with thick black stripes. A bit inappropriate for a funeral, and a bit inappropriate for someone who is not growing a baby. I spent the entire evening pulling my tights up to my chest and then feeling them snap and roll down at an alarming speed. In an attempt to prevent the tights from gathering enough momentum to take my pants down with them, I began to saunter a bit with my hips pushed forward in the style of a stereotypical Old Western Cowboy. I suppose everyone copes with death in different ways. I cope with a furrowed brow and a striped-tight swagger.
2. When someone from my family dies, my aunt's Pavlovian response is to drive to Costco and purchase an amazing triple chocolate Bundt cake. We call the cake The Funeral Cake, and it's a staple at all funeral parlor gatherings. At Monday night's event, my mom mentioned that the cake is "to die for." At least three people answered with "Literally." I've never felt such an excellent blend of Funny + Creepy.
3. I found it sort of amazing that my great uncle had died less than 36 hours before the Visitation, yet the immediate family was able to band together and compile the most amazing display of photographs. Seriously? If (and I say IF) anyone in my family dies, I am NOT going to be able to construct a collage. Dear Scrapbooking Friends: Do you have my back? I've got tons of paper and weird little sticker things. Also, scissors that cut swirls.
Submitted by
barnmouse
at 2/6/2008 4:59:25 PM- *gasp* Scissors that cut swirls...chocolate cake... You have my attention.
(and my sympathy...I'm sorry about your Great Uncle. I have a Great Aunt who is 98 and we're all keeping our fingers crossed that she lives until at least 110.)
Submitted by
Karaoke Diva
at 2/6/2008 5:29:45 PM- Yeah, we have your back. And the 3-D knitting stickers.
Submitted by
Mrs. CPA
at 2/6/2008 7:20:41 PM- In our family, we have funeral corn. No one knows the original name of it, but we always make it to take for funerals. We've also been known to eat it at Thanksgiving. It's delicious!
Submitted by
MomOnTheGo
at 2/6/2008 9:43:04 PM- Oh, my! I laughed until tears were running down my cheeks and my husband was looking at me funny. I got caught with only maternity tights at some point post-delivery and remember being struck by how cold my belly was since the material wasn't the same on that part.
I'm sorry to hear about you Great Uncle but glad you have family traditions to help with the tough times.
Submitted by
Badger
at 2/7/2008 7:14:59 AM- Okay, (1) I'm pretty sure that if I HAD maternity tights, which I do not, they'd still fit. And my youngest is TEN. So go you, with the too-big tights!
(2) I have done some of my hardest laughing ever at funerals. I know. It's wrong. I can't help it. My family is inappropriately funny.
(3) My cousin did this when our grandmother died this past summer, and I was SO JEALOUS that I didn't inherit that gene. Here I was thinking it died with that same grandmother, but NO, she just gave it to my cousin. Grandma always did like her best, dammit.
Oh, and I am sorry for your loss. Great-uncles are swell. I have one left and I will miss him when he goes.
Submitted by
Alli
at 2/7/2008 8:29:28 AM- I'm not a scrapper but I can work a glue stick for you. So sorry about you uncle.
Submitted by
Summer
at 2/7/2008 9:10:33 AM- Good job on keeping the tights (mostly) up. I had a similar problem at my sister's reception...I stood up to dance with my husband and down my tights did roll. Oh, good times.
Submitted by
Kathy
at 2/7/2008 9:39:52 AM- I don't have maternity tights for obvious reasons, but I do have several pairs of "a once fatter me" pantyhose from when I was a hostess at a family restaurant (which contributed to the fatter me). I had no choice but to wear a pair to my grandma's funeral. I was wearing a dress, and really couldn't duck into a corner to hitch them up. I just sort of clenched my knees together. I assume people though I was doing the "pee pee dance."
(Then again, my family drinks, so they probably didn't notice anything weird.)
Submitted by
Amy in StL
at 2/7/2008 9:40:45 AM- We've had two funerals in the family in the past month. And I was struck with a dilemma - since I've lost two sizes since the last funeral - of trying to find something appropriate to wear. I discovered that no amount of tucking makes a size 16 blouse fit a size 12 chest well. Also queen size hose don't fit me anymore - they gave me wrinkly ankles! After two visitations and two funerals I think my family is tired of my funeral outfit!
Submitted by
Meg T.
at 2/7/2008 9:56:52 AM- When my grandmother died we had been expecting it for a a week or so (that kidney failure, what a pain in the ass) and so we were stocked up when she passed. "Ah good plenty of food in the fridge eh?" no no you misunderstand, the freezer had 3 bottles of tequila and the counter had a variety of vodka. Plus mixers!
I find it quaint when I hear about families food traditions...
Submitted by
Elizabeth
at 2/7/2008 10:44:09 AM- I haven't been to a funeral in a while, but the last couple haven't been very formal. I don't think our family is that way. (I love the "to-die-for" cake, though! I'm going to get me one of those). I find it awkward going through that line of people, even people you've known all your life, and saying you're sorry for their loss. The last one, I said "hi" to them because I hadn't seen them in years!
Also, I have a plethora of brads if you need to attach some things together or decorate brad-ily in general.
Submitted by
Nora
at 2/8/2008 1:27:33 AM- Longtime lurker, first time poster. I really enjoy your blog so much.
I'm sorry for your loss. There's something, at least for me, about funerals where the sorrow always has weird gallow's humor right at the edge.
In other news: You're tagged.
http://norasbloggedyblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/7-random-andor-weird-things-about-me.html
Submitted by
Heidi
at 2/9/2008 10:04:37 AM- Striped tights? Like the ones the Wicked Witch of the West was wearing when the house fell on her?
Submitted by
MammaLoves
at 2/10/2008 11:37:44 AM- Here via Cool Beans...and so glad I am.
If you get a line on the scrapbooking, back-having friends, can I get on your list??
Submitted by
WhyMommy
at 2/10/2008 8:25:40 PM- I'm here via coolbeans too. I love the striped tights with a swagger image, and also the chocolate cake.
But I don't even KNOW anyone who even prints their photos anymore! I think. And if I do, I'm not sure I want to hear about it!
Submitted by
Jeannette
at 2/13/2008 3:37:18 PM- About number one, when I wear pants that are way too big, I have a strange desire to safety pin them to my bra. Though I haven't done it yet, I'm sure I will someday. I'll call my contraption, "invisible suspenders."
Your family would fit right in with my family on the funeral front. Good food and a little humor go a long, long way.
When my grandmother died I was called to see her right beforehand. I stuffed a bunch of things in a bag, threw the dog in the backseat and drove 7 hours. Then she died and I had to stay for the funeral but I only had jeans, snow boots and a couple of shirts. I ended up wearing brand new pants and shoes I bought for myself and the Christmas sweater (it was Dec) that my grandmother bought for herself. Now if anyone says they're coming down with some sniffles and I'm going to visit I pack funeral clothes 'cause I'm not wearing dead person clothes again if I can help it.