Dear Fellow Lovers of Bacon and Chocolate,
My friend Meghan recently mailed something amazing my way.
It was an exquisitely wrapped Mo's Bacon Bar, along with some pretty incredible organic lollipops.
Although the lollipops (God, I hate that word) went super-fast (How could they not?! Two of them were pomegranate flavored!), I held off on the chocolate until I was having One of Those Days.
Yesterday? One of Those Days!
I sat and waited until both kids were perched in front of the television. (It was Word World on PBS, so don't try to make me feel guilty.)
I slowly unwrapped the candy bar in the style of a pre-golden ticket Charlie. (My hair was all screwed up, my house was filled with laundry, and I was wearing ugly pants, so it seemed oddly appropriate.) ((Please know that my maternal grandparents never shared a bed with the paternals. Therein lies the only difference between young Charlie and myself.))
I took a bite. And I wasn't sold. And for the first time in my life, I furrowed my eyebrows and wondered if I'm eating the right way. Two great tastes should taste great together, right? Seriously! Maybe I'm doing this incorrectly!
I put the chocolate aside and pulled up the Vosges website, where I found the exotic candy bar eating instructions.
And thank God I did this, because I would have screwed up the whole experience had I continued to gobble down like a Red Bull-swilling philistine!
I checked the temper.
I released the aroma and inhaled the notes. I felt it.
I snapped it.
I placed it it my mouth and shoved it up to the roof with my tongue. I waited thirty seconds for the melt.
I benefited from the antioxidants. I recognized the life in my body. (I ruled out pregnancy.)
I changed my clothes.
All in all, my opinion went from "Hmmm. This is weird. I must be screwing up." to "Wow! This is Weird! But sort of delicious! And when the chocolate melts, I'm left with a mouth full of bacon! I think I'll dip this thing in peanut butter and see if I can score a heavenly trifecta!"
Submitted by
Kathy
at 4/2/2008 9:14:36 AM- I can't try the bacon bar until they make a soy bacon bar, and that doesn't sound at all appetizing, but a few weeks ago I had a hot pepper/chocolate combo from another candy maker that left me with nothing but fire tongue and a vague hint of chocolate. I wish I'd had the eating instructions then.
Submitted by
Barbara
at 4/2/2008 9:52:43 AM- My grandmother used to make me peanut butter-toast-and-bacon sandwiches. I highly suggest them, especially if one is drunk and/or sad. They heal, is what I am saying.
And the Vosges sniffing, rubbing instructions are sexy sexy food porn. Sniffing! Rubbing! It is to blush.
Submitted by
You can call me, 'Sir'
at 4/2/2008 10:40:27 AM- A chocolate bar that makes you earn the flavor explosion. Nicely played, chocolate-bar company. Nicely played.
Submitted by
Neb
at 4/2/2008 10:45:35 AM- "I ruled out pregnancy."
I think I want to put you in my mouth a little bit, Fluid Pudding. You DO make me chortle so.
(Wait... are you chocolate-bacon flavored now? Even better.)
Submitted by
FP
at 4/2/2008 11:00:58 AM- Dr. Dave--If you could somehow invent a Chocolate Stout and Nachos bar to share with your students, you would be worshipped!
Kathy--Actually, if you go more with the soy beans with bacon, it might be good--if you could get past the texture. Sort of like ham and beans, but portable! I think this might be the most excellent idea ever!
Barbara--Oh, man. Your grandmother was definitely onto something. I'm going to try her PBTB sandwich! (And, yes. I found the eating instructions to be slightly pornographic, too!)
Sir--As always, I agree. Sly dogs.
Neb--They say you are what you eat! AND, I'm so glad you linked back to your site. My 4-year-old daughter patches 4-6 hours each day! Let me know if you want links to cute patch sites!
Submitted by
Sarah
at 4/2/2008 11:27:00 AM- You-Mrs. Pudding- have a fantastic set of eyebrows and that kind of thing is extremely important.
Submitted by
angiewis
at 4/2/2008 11:29:00 AM- I love bacon and I love chocolate, but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to try bacon flavored chocolate.
My son is a fan of Word World as well. My husband apparently has never heard of it, and was very confused when my 4 year old son requested to watch it while I was at the grocery store over the weekend. When I returned home my husband said to me, "I can't believe you let him watch Real World". Ummm...hello!?!?
Submitted by
Nichole
at 4/2/2008 11:43:13 AM- That's a very good friend. I haven't yet tried the Bacon Bar, but it's high on my list of things to do. Also on the list: Bacon-Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Submitted by
MUtha Mae
at 4/2/2008 12:42:03 PM- I have never known anyone who can speak through their eyebrows quite like you can!
Submitted by
Meghan
at 4/2/2008 12:57:25 PM- Yay! I'm so glad you liked it. I bought a tiny-tiny sized one to try myself, and I couldn't find anyone brave enough to try it with me. I did the same thing, the first bite was very "meh?" but then I savored the moment, and it was magical.
Submitted by
snippety gibbet
at 4/2/2008 8:10:13 PM- Wow, this candybar is complex. If I can't snarf it down (in secret) on the drive from the grocery store to my driveway, I don't think I could truly enjoy it.
Though the dunking in chocolate might surely make the difference.....
Submitted by
Kara
at 4/2/2008 10:30:34 PM- I so love the pictures of you eating the bar. And I really need to try one of those myself. Hopefully I can convince my pork-phobic friend* to visit Vosges with me next time I'm in Chicago.
*She is not really pork-phobic, she just doesn't enjoy pork. And yes, those words can really be used in a sentence together.
Submitted by
heartfull
at 4/3/2008 6:30:54 AM- I don't know if any technique would help me to fully appreciate a Bacon Bar. I'm thinking I'll have to leave that one up to the pros.
But! I recently bought my new favorite chocolate bar. I was returning the world's largest bag of Jelly Bellies at World Market (Easter Eve I decided my kids really didn't need that much candy) and as I waited in line I spied a World Market brand "All Natural Sea Salt Dark Chocolate" bar. Oh my. It is good. Really good.
I've been eating an ounce a day off it. But I really want to eat the whole bar.
Submitted by
Alli
at 4/3/2008 7:45:36 AM- I don't know if I want a glass of water or milk after reading that!
Submitted by
7-letter deborah
at 4/7/2008 1:13:40 PM- Loooooove Vosges chocolate--I made a special trip from StL to Chicago to visit their boutique. But even I wasn't sure about the bacon bar.
I bought one of those back in October and shared it with some of my students. I'm convinced that this act alone earned me several nominations for the Distinuished University Teaching award this year.
Students love bacon!!