April 15th is National One-Liner Day! (I made that up.)
Dear Lady at the Store Who Wouldn't Stop Staring at Meredith's Eye Patch,
You keep staring at the patch, and I'll start staring at that goiter thing on your neck. Deal?
Love,
FP
Dear Marcia Cross,
One more crack about you "not weighing 190 anymore" and I'm going to start praying that you experience rapid bloating.
Love,
FP
Dear Neighbor,
You just mowed your grass Sunday afternoon. Seriously. Uncle.
Love,
FP
Dear Weight Watchers Online,
You complete me. And I've never even seen Jerry Maguire. And I won't. Because of Zellweger.
Love,
FP
Dear Uterus,
Stop beating on my innards and screaming about wanting to grow another baby. Seriously. Stop it already.
Love,
FP
Dear Sunglasses,
Come out come out wherever you are.
Love,
FP
Dear God,
Do you have my back on that Marcia Cross thing? Okay then.
Love,
FP
Submitted by
jenorama
at 4/15/2008 4:13:55 PM- Dear FP,
I am so with you on the whole Marcia Cross/uterus/Zellweger thing.
Love,
Jen
Submitted by
blackbird
at 4/15/2008 5:32:44 PM- With you on all counts.
But your sunglasses are with K's car keys.
Submitted by
Alli
at 4/15/2008 6:04:54 PM- Dear lawn mower guy,
Where were you when the snow needed blowing?
Submitted by
FP
at 4/15/2008 6:08:57 PM- Alli--Believe it or not, it's the Same Guy. And his yard goes something like 15 inches into ours, and he makes sure to cut those 15 inches way down so that it's clear that He's the Winner.
Submitted by
pharmgirl
at 4/15/2008 9:37:43 PM- Bee movie - Seinfeld and Zellweger - horrors.
Do you ever find that WW online has some rather *testy* ladies posting?
Submitted by
FP
at 4/15/2008 10:07:28 PM- Pharmgirl--I've never been to the posts. I just stick to my daily recording crap and occasionally search out a recipe or two. But now I'm curious.
Submitted by
brit
at 4/15/2008 10:47:09 PM- I have got to stop coming by here with a full bladder...Marcia Cross can bite me.
Submitted by
You can call me, 'Sir'
at 4/16/2008 7:18:46 AM- You may want to get that uterus taken care of before something whacky happens again involving birds and/or bees.
Submitted by
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
at 4/16/2008 9:08:31 AM- Ditto.
Except for the uterus thing. Even my body knows we don't want any more babies.
Submitted by
Amy in KC
at 4/16/2008 9:43:18 AM- My neighbor does the same thing. His (often fertilized, thrice-weekly mown) beautiful, perfect, green lawn flows effortlessly into our dandelion and clover infested, patchy less-green lawn.
And I. Don't. Care. I invite you to feel the same!
Besides, the boys like to "pick the yellow flowers."
Submitted by
PC
at 4/16/2008 11:10:27 AM- LOVE IT!
Can't stand Zellweger - glad I am not alone.
Why does she always squint?
Submitted by
Effie
at 4/16/2008 1:28:29 PM- I'm 26 wks pregnant right now, went into a local small restaurant that I visit (apparently frequently) and the owner comes up and looks at me and says--"Stay away from this one--she's contagious--I caught pregnant from her the last time she was in!"
Maybe I should stay away from you...;)
Submitted by
Mutha
at 4/16/2008 2:07:16 PM- Have you ever watched Tracy Ullman's State of the Union? She does a dead on Zellweger impression, right down to the squint.
Submitted by
kimblahg
at 4/16/2008 2:46:16 PM- ha- did you hear about this? http://www.gabbybabble.com/2008/04/renee-zellweger-seems-upset-by-tracy.html
tracy ullman's impression completely freaked her out but damn if i can't find a picture of it.
Submitted by
Mocha
at 4/16/2008 5:29:20 PM- Dear FP,
If there is a club for those who detest the Zell, let me know because I have wondered why Hollywood is stuck on stupid over her.
Love,
Mocha
Submitted by
allison
at 4/16/2008 8:39:54 PM- Dear Ellie,
If you're spreading pregnant, get your 26-week self over here. My uterus is not listening to my letters.
love,
allison
Dear Zellweger,
I hate you because you ruined a perfectly good chick book. It was the first DVD I watched on my new DVD/VHS player. You tainted it.
love,
allison
Submitted by
Susan
at 4/17/2008 2:13:45 PM- I think those chronic grassmowers are a bunch of retired old farts. My dad is one of them. He's got nothing else to do! I hear you on growing another baby. I'm still trying to have another one at 38 and my one and only is almost 11. Crazy, I know. I don't hate Renee but it's pretty annoying that she squints like that. I'm going to have to check out Ullman's bit on her. I'm sure it's a hoot.
Submitted by
gasoline hobo
at 4/19/2008 3:12:35 PM- zellweger is my cryptonite. while she has done some good things, i simply can't get past the "acting by squinting and puckering the mouth".
http://tinyurl.com/5fcqrb
Those relentless grass mowing people just kill me. Do they live on a golf course or what? Nobody else needs to mow their grass that often. Our neighbor not only mows his grass, he mows the grass across the street in about 100 feet in either direction.