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Please Call Me On It

1. If you hear me using slang that isn't appropriate for my age, please call me on it. (I'll be 38 in a few weeks, and I really have no business getting hella crunk with my bitches.)

2. If I ever start kissing ass to score a place in the sun, please call me on it. (Most people can spy a fake tan from miles away, don't you think?)

3. If you see me squeezing into jeans that will surely hinder circulation, please call me on it. (And stand back. My buttons have been known to blow hefty distances.)

4. If you walk into the room and I'm eating handfuls of chocolate chips, please call me on it. (And bring tissues in case I begin to weep. I'm very fragile, you know.)

5. If you recognize me sucking down a flight of martinis at Houlihan's tomorrow night, please call me on it. (And then back away slowly, because I'm in the mood to spurt some Wicked, and you're probably NOT in the mood to be my goat.)

Posted by: fluidpudding on 4/18/2008 12:11:14 PM , 7 comments
Submitted by You can call me, 'Sir' at 4/18/2008 2:39:15 PM
    Spurt some wicked? Geez. That's whack, yo.
Submitted by Sara at 4/18/2008 3:53:20 PM
    TIP: if you put the chocolate chips into a tiny bowl, you can almost convince your husband that it's a real snack, as opposed to a sickening display of desperation.
Submitted by Gail at 4/18/2008 6:27:18 PM
    Anyone that call you on sucking down a flight of martinis is not a true friend. A true friend would drink some with you. Thank goodness for true friends.
Submitted by shoesonwrong at 4/18/2008 7:45:08 PM
    In all fairness, I just turned 23 and I have no place getting hella crunk with my bitches, either.

    Though, that could just because I'm too white...
Submitted by Alli at 4/19/2008 7:11:05 PM
    I turned 38 March 31st...ack! What's crunk?
Submitted by Mocha at 4/19/2008 8:24:36 PM
    I'm known to spit "Bitch betta have my money!" a little too often.

    At least I think it's "spit" and not "spurt". I don't plan to understand the difference between anytime soon.

    Yo. And I just turned 37.

    Please save some debauchery for tomorrow night. Please. If not I won't call you on any of the above.
Submitted by Mizmell at 4/20/2008 10:33:46 AM
    Geez, you're turning 38 and you're taking inventory.
    You've got a long way, baby.

    But seriously, I nearing 50 and there are days I really want someone to call me on anything...(very reminiscent of the sailor in the bar looking for a fight). I blame it on menopause.

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