Brainpan. Bacon. The Butt Thing.
A human skull was found less than a mile from my house.
Okay.
Now read that again, but like this: A human HEAD was found less than a mile from my house. BOO!
It's a shame that the news anchors don't share my love for tiny embellishments. If they did, I might actually tune in.
Head? Much sexier than Skull. Everyone knows that. AND, ending potentially spooky stories with a big "Boo!"? Genius.
Dear Katie Couric, Take note.
But anyway.
I ate one of these a few days back.
Yes. That is a Maple-Bacon Lollipop.
It was everything I imagined it to be—sort of syrupy, sort of salty, sort of bacony, sort of weird.
And now I can separate myself from those people who have never enjoyed a Maple-Bacon Lollipop.
Oh! Wait! Speaking of human head and separating oneself and whatnot: I once embarrassed myself at a happy hour by getting a little tipsy and yelling, "Okay! Anal! Who's done it?!"
The room suddenly filled with chirping crickets, and one of my co-workers sheepishly raised his hand.
Shortly thereafter, seven people went home and I proudly showcased my recently acquired belly button ring for those who lingered.
"You're a shotgun! Bang! What's up with that thang?! I wanna know! How does it hang?! Burp. Excuse me. Wheee! See you at work tomorrow! I'm an editorial assistant!"
Lesson to be learned from this? Stick around, because the young unprofessional sauced girl will probably lift her shirt in a few minutes.
Human head! BOO!
Submitted by
erika
at 4/30/2008 8:07:59 AM- Oh, man. I really want to party with you. I'm going to use the anal line at the next event when I want all conversation to stop. ;)
Submitted by
Nominimom
at 4/30/2008 8:08:57 AM- While I do enjoy the occasional odd candy (like dark chocolate with chipotle pepper), that sounds absolutely gross.
On a side note, a very happy (albeit belated) birthday to your totally adorable girls!
Submitted by
Alli
at 4/30/2008 8:28:49 AM- I, too, once lifted my dress at a dance club many,many moons ago to show off my belly-button ring. Fortunately, I had bike shorts on because my dress was so short. Ah, good times! Boo!
Submitted by
Kathy
at 4/30/2008 9:16:50 AM- I might have to lift my "nothing with a face" ban and try some of these bacon flavored treats.
Submitted by
Amy in KC
at 4/30/2008 9:36:38 AM- Nice to know I am not the only one suffering long-term embarrassment due to saucy things said and done at work happy hours in my misguided youth. I, too, showed off my belly button ring. However, there were no bicycle shorts. Did I really do that?? Yes, I did.
I sincerely hope I never bump into those people again.
And ALSO! Happy birthday to the Fabulous Pudding Pops.
Submitted by
liz
at 4/30/2008 9:47:32 AM- I wonder if the head was connected to all those pageant people at the hotel. Creepy!
Submitted by
FP
at 4/30/2008 9:56:02 AM- Liz--Is it wrong to hope that it was? Oh wait! You mean connected as in "perhaps the pageant people were responsible." For a minute there, I thought you meant connected like "the head used to be connected to a pageant person's torso."
I suppose I would go to hell if I would rather it be the head of one of those pageant people than the head of someone who could cure cancer. I mean, obviously, I wish there would have been no head at ALL...
Dear Pageant People from this Past Weekend,
Please don't lose your head. I apologize for being so heartless.
Love,
FP
Submitted by
jen
at 4/30/2008 11:20:40 AM- Do you still have your belly button ring?
I have one. My neighbor made me get one with her the summer she turned 40. Next year, when I turn 40, I shall make her get her nose pierced.
Tempe invited me to do the Mystery Goddess KAL starting in June! Woo!
Now I need yarn! Needles! Practice! What are you using for it?
Submitted by
i.e.
at 4/30/2008 11:46:52 AM- Well, sort of related, but probably not really. I think I remember reading where you had tried chocolate-covered-bacon, but possibly I have confused that thought with the many other bacon-type products you have experimented with. If you have tried chocolate-covered-bacon where was it purchased? Can it be purchased online and from where specifically online?
Thank you for skillfully maneuvering through my many grammar errors showcased above to see what I truly need.
Submitted by
FP
at 4/30/2008 11:50:55 AM- Jen--I joined the Yahoo group, but I have no idea what yarn I'll use, or if I'll actually keep up with the group. (I have my projects planned out for the entire summer, and my plan is to purchase zero yarn.)
i.e.--You read it here! (HERE to be exact.) It was a Vosges Mo's Bacon Bar, and can be ordered HERE.
Submitted by
Courtney Watson
at 4/30/2008 12:09:20 PM- Oh my goodness! Thank you for posting the link to those lollipops. Our anniversary is May 5th (yes we met while intoxicated and dancing in sombreros) and I had nothing for Tom. A syrup + bacon lollipop is perfect!!
Submitted by
mommymae
at 4/30/2008 1:19:21 PM- i just realized we live about 10 minutes from one another. glad the head was closer to you than me.
Submitted by
liz
at 4/30/2008 1:56:35 PM- FP - If you're wrong, we're both wrong. But then, the whole kiddie pageant was WRONG. Lee press-on nails on little baby toes makes me shudder. And it's kind of difficult to make me shudder.
And now, I am really wanting curry and a Bollywood movie! Instead, I had Mexican food and a meeting.
Submitted by
mp
at 4/30/2008 2:15:43 PM- Hes, the human head..BOO was really close to my house. I drive home that way from work..NO I didn't hit someone and leave them in the mushroom field...
SO you go out with us and we get the breastmilk story..work people get ANAL???
We really need to do Chocolate Bar again...
Submitted by
mp
at 4/30/2008 2:17:25 PM- Next lesson is to reread your comment before you hit the submit button:
YES..(not hes).. then it was really close to my office..not my house, although I'm here in MH more than home.. :-)
Submitted by
dee
at 4/30/2008 2:53:28 PM- Wow, the human skull link story was riveting. 'Human skull found...by a person...in a field.' Can you drive over there and work up a more colorful piece? Maybe one that incorporates both human HEADS and maple-bacon lollipops.
Happy belated birthday(s) to the lovely ladies!
Submitted by
Anne
at 4/30/2008 5:07:04 PM- I think that you may like this: http://www.foundshit.com/pig-butchering-guide-2/
Despite the unpromising url address, I assure you that it is kosher. Well, no, not kosher but not in any way offensive. Other than to vegetarians.
Submitted by
Mocha
at 4/30/2008 9:46:49 PM- Do you have a pen handy? Great. Write this down:
Next time Mocha and I hang out must share story above breast milk and anal. Will think on this until then.
Now put that someplace safe. In your bra, perhaps?
Those lollipops really had quite an effect. They're evidently laced with the sweet delicious heroin, as well as pork products.