Eliminating My Active Infestation of Parasitic Brainworms: Stomp the Toxic!
It has recently come to my attention that I am most likely halfway done with life as I know it.
Wait! Don't leave! This realization is not as gloomy as it sounds, because I'm fairly pleased with the things I've accomplished up to this point.
Short List:
1. If given a few hours to practice, I can play a mean Chopin tune on the piano.
2. I can knit socks, sweaters, lace, and monkeys.
3. I found a gem of a husband.
4. My kids aren't assholes.
5. I can stuff twelve jumbo marshmallows into my mouth without choking.
With that said, when one realizes that the shadow is getting longer, one must take a bit of time to Stomp the Toxic!
1. I'm ready to stomp out all lofty career plans. Deep down, I know I'm no longer on the path toward being a power playing editor at a publishing house. I'm okay with the idea that I'll never need to purchase another business suit or pack a suitcase to attend a conference. (Please know that these are things I used to love doing. I know!)
2. I'm ready to attempt to stomp all insecurities regarding my weight. (This is something I've dwelled on for Many Years, so it's going to be tricky.) Full Disclosure: I've lost eight pounds in the past six weeks, and am two pounds away from my "goal weight." And whenever I speak of my image issues or use the term "goal weight" I feel like a big crusty zero. When I look in the mirror, I don't focus on the fact that I'm currently on a losing streak. Instead, I look at my C-section region and I scowl. And I look at my thighs and I wince. And I'm really getting tired of feeling so unstable about those things when there are much larger fish to fry. (Although I will not fry them. I will bake them and squeeze a lemon over them for a zesty flavor enhancement.)
3. I'm ready to stomp on time spent with those who consistently make me feel like I'm a prodigal parent who has birthed Veruca Salty children. I'm tired of passive-aggressive implications that I'm wasteful and that my kids have much more than they deserve. I'm tired of biting my tongue and I'm tired of feeling like a bad person. I'm not a bad person. (I can provide "She's a Good Person" references if you need them. I can actually think of five people who would give me a glowing review! No! Six!)
Care to join me in a Stomp o' the Toxic?
You have my full support, you know.
Did you see that? That was my hand reaching up to high five you!
Submitted by
bec
at 5/14/2008 2:12:41 PM- I need to just accept the fact that I'm a disorganized person. The house is always going to be messy, I'll never be fully caught up at work. Let that stress go and invite some pals over for a frolic at my messy house.
Submitted by
Kizz
at 5/14/2008 2:25:10 PM- Thanks for the encouragement (and the high five). I'm one year in front of you and for some reason this year is truly kicking my ass in terms of those "YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" feelings. My head knows it's stupid. The rest of me is being a dick.
I hit my goal weight and am currently figuring out how the hell this whole maintenance part works. Boggling. But I'm getting it. And I'm wearing a bright magenta mini dress with polka dots on it by way of encouragement.
Submitted by
FP
at 5/14/2008 2:25:45 PM- Mommymae--You might be one of my new heroes!
Bec--Good one! Me too! I'm a total disaster when it comes to organization!
Amy--Thanks! High five!
Kizz--It's tough, isn't it?! I need to get one of those dresses!
Submitted by
Courtney Watson
at 5/14/2008 2:26:00 PM- I need to come to terms with the fact that I bite off WAY more than I can chew, I am a "bit" of a control freak, and I am a little OCD about spelling.
I have red pens in my desk at work like the dude from Secretary...
Confession feels oh-so-good.
Submitted by
gorillabuns
at 5/14/2008 2:31:01 PM- I will wholeheartedly join you in Stomp o' the Toxic. I'm in need of a little purging of my own.
Submitted by
Amy in KC
at 5/14/2008 2:34:55 PM- Things I successfully stomped this year:
1. I no longer beat myself up for not cooking a family dinner every night. My kids are two. They like sandwiches just fine.
2. I have relaxed about my appearance in general. I'm a big mushier than I used to be. I have vericose veins and large pores. So what? I was wasting way too much time worrying about such things.
Still to go? Between you and me, I haven't figured out the God thing yet. And I am tired of feeling the stink eye from those who think they have.
I feel better just having typed that!
Submitted by
mp
at 5/14/2008 2:46:41 PM- I'm stomping the "stay at home mom dream" realizing I'm not going to be a mom and I'm not going to be able to stay home.
I now only dream of retirement.
High 5 back at ya
Submitted by
Wendy
at 5/14/2008 3:06:43 PM- I am never ever going to look again the way I did in high school - when my husband and I first got together. And since he is OK with that, so should I be.
POW! Take that, toxic.
Submitted by
Em
at 5/14/2008 3:11:09 PM- You can add me to the list of people who will give you a good person reference. I mean, I guess I don't know, you do seem to like to torture marshmallows, but I can certainly attest to you seeming like a nice person.
As for stomping the toxic, I don't know. I've got so much of the toxic I might splash somebody by mistake. I would like to stop calling myself an ass every time I leave a phone message. Even if it does go on and on and I forget to say my name. Who cares? That is what caller ID is for, right?
Thanks for the inspiration!
Submitted by
Kathy
at 5/14/2008 3:19:29 PM- I'm with you. This year I've "stomped" not being creative or crafty enough. I will learn to love my clumsy, sweaty fingers and my general lack of manual dexterity.
Submitted by
Angeline
at 5/14/2008 3:19:55 PM- I will never be a concert pianist, but my piano students are happy and motivated and occasionally winning awards. The children are the future, after all!
P.S. I find that a slight touch of Veruca Saltiness is a good thing, really: those are the ones that ask questions and want explanations for why their idea won't work, etc. Much more fun to teach than the ones that have no opinions, plans, or goals of their own.
Submitted by
Hanna
at 5/14/2008 4:12:10 PM- Thanks for the high five. I should really do this as well. And I love me some lists, so here's to a list of stompage.
I always try to remember Anne Lammot and her "aunties" and that makes me feel a little bit better.
Submitted by
Summer
at 5/14/2008 4:30:40 PM- Oooh! A toxic stomp! Yay!
I had to set a "goal weight" with my trainer last week and felt pretty small for the rest of the day. Not physically small, as I am only really getting started down the road to wellness, but just...intellectually small. In a "this is superficial and stupid and why do I care?" way. Except, well, I do care. Because I might have to run someday. Fast, away from danger, toward someone who needs help, and I'd like to not have to stop half-way to catch my breath. I'd also like for my pooch to not protrude farther than my boobs. And, finally, I'd like to be as physically strong and capable as I (finally) feel mentally.
So, yes. I shall stomp the toxic, too, with my increasingly strong quads.
Wha-chank!
(That is the sound my stomping makes.)
Submitted by
Heather B.
at 5/14/2008 4:31:42 PM- I'm in a rut and have been annoyed with myself lately. I should probably stomp out those toxins but I'll get back to you on that. After I'm done feeling bad about myself. Boo freaking hoo.
Submitted by
Gregg
at 5/14/2008 6:08:45 PM- This is a great idea. I could stand stomping a bunch of things that routinely make me miserable, but like Heather, I'm not sure my pride is done with attempting to "fix" them!
I could write a book on my problems, but then that would end up being something else I'd have to stomp and I don't need that.
Someone else could write a book! There. I delegated. I'm going to be big someday.
Submitted by
erika
at 5/14/2008 6:22:49 PM- If you ever need a spare character reference, I've got your back. Not that I've met you...but you seem awesome and someone I'd want on my side.
I stomped out worrying that my hair was turning gray. No more dyeing it for me.
Submitted by
blackbird
at 5/14/2008 8:26:10 PM- I've really only realized these things on which you stomp in the past year or so...and you are much younger than I.
I applaud you.
Submitted by
Velma
at 5/14/2008 9:37:56 PM- I think one of the benefits of being daughter of and/or married to an oncologist is I learned young to stomp the toxic. Not that I'm very successful, just the general importance of doing it.
Also? Can I expound on a pet peeve? I personally refuse to think that at 42 I'm "halfway" done with my life. The first 15 - 20 years don't count! Until the training wheels come off, you ain't ridin' that bike! By my calculations, I have a good decade left until I'm "halfway" through my (adult) life, dammit.
Also? I love the word "buckethead."
Submitted by
MeL
at 5/14/2008 10:11:58 PM- Learning to accept that I will never achieve the house-OCD of my sisters. Eventually, I will stop hating on my own self for occasionally ignoring piles of laundry and/or dishes that need doing and tossing it all for an afternoon in the yard with the kids.
Also learning to set boundaries and defuse the toxicity of people who don't respect that I just can't say "yes" to Every. Single. Obligation.
Other than that? Still just seeking that Zen, baybee. I'll find it eventually, right? :)
Submitted by
Alli
at 5/15/2008 8:04:09 AM- I am a slob..stomp,stomp!
I should be further along on my goal path...stomp,stomp,stomp!
I have to lose 30 lbs...STOMP!!!
Now, here are some encouraging words for you - mean people are really just jealous.
I know a guy who became a doctor when he was fifty. When asked why he chose to go through all the grueling hours, classes etc. he said "well, I always wanted to be a doctor and I'm going to turn 50 no matter what I am, so what the hell!"
I like that story and it's a true one.
Submitted by
Karen T-H
at 5/15/2008 8:35:04 AM- Just be sure to keep a hard copy of this post where you can re-read it now and again, sister, 'cause you hit the bull's eye!
Anyone who wants to criticize your [see your paragraph 3] family stuff: SEND 'EM TO ME! I'll make mincemeat of them!
NOTHING wrong with a goal weight as long as it is YOUR PERSONAL GOAL, unrelated to corporate charts and graphs.
I could go on, but but I'm at the highly overrated "conference," which I've decided to STOP ATTENDING after this cycle ends. YOU are my hero!!! Again!
Submitted by
Alyce
at 5/15/2008 9:45:32 AM- Not to get all pedantic and preachy, but I actually think there is everything wrong with a goal weight. It means the you in the now isn't good enough. And you are. Good enough.
High five to the stompiness!
Submitted by
Mysh
at 5/15/2008 10:50:27 AM- I'll stomp every day for what's left of the second half of my life too! Just as long as the marshmallows aren't underfoot, that might get kinda sticky. :O)
Submitted by
Melissa from Pittsburgh
at 5/15/2008 12:30:41 PM- I am so on this bandwagon!
Tired of feeling inadequate, fat, unhealthy, lazy. Tired of hearing that the end of days is upon us, I spend too much money, I spoil my kids...
I gotcha high five, now down-low ... on the flip side!
Submitted by
Heather
at 5/15/2008 12:31:05 PM- I'm with you. I need to come up with a list, though. Maybe that should be on my list - my compulsive need to make lists! I would like to see the marshmallow trick.
Submitted by
Jodi
at 5/15/2008 2:52:36 PM- Simply put, you rock, Angela!
I'm 35, and have been chanting 'rebirth' silently to myself for weeks. I mean that I'm no longer going to apologize for myself, or make excuses, and (try, anyway), not to be such a self-conscious wallflower anymore. I'm with you.
Submitted by
Bryan
at 5/16/2008 9:34:29 PM- Okay...i confess...dint read the whole post...it got kinda femaley in the bigger paragraphs...BUT...
I'm a little ellipses happy tonight
anyway
on item #4...when considering my own progeny, I like to add the word "YET" at the end.
Keeps me humble...and on task as a dad.
Submitted by
Kelly
at 5/18/2008 4:50:31 PM- I decided a long time ago that being an over achiever makes me grumpy. So, now I am content in the knowledge that my more successful friends spend hours commuting in traffic only to come home to children who are infectious from daycare! Here's to stomping the toxic!
Submitted by
Cheap Like Me
at 5/19/2008 5:23:01 PM- What a lovely thing and how very timely. I just visited a city where I went to college and one of my good friends is a high ranking official in a very important international organization, another is a high ranking worker for women's rights, and my space cadet freshman college roommate is a doctor of psychology who helps kids in chronic trauma. Easy to feel small.
But! This city has a lot of very glamorous ladies ... and a lot of ladies who just show their legs no matter how white and unskinny they are. Go!!!
i think i've stomped everything i need to so far. i try to kick the toxic in the boo-tay when it comes lurking. i'll be on the look out for anymore crap coming my way.