Four Poems For The Poor Bastards On Dateline NBC’s “To Catch a Predator”
1.
You eyed the hot tub
and pictured a young girl
changing
until that guy came out
who wasn’t
Stone Phillips
2.
Bad enough
you’re not getting any
hot young action tonight
but the cameras and the lights
and the primetime show
millions watching
and on the floorboard of your truck
the penis pump
oh lord, the penis pump
3.
Did I bring condoms?
No.
Ok, ok.
Maybe.
In my car.
Just in case.
You know?
Ok.
Yes.
I brought condoms.
And sandwiches.
4.
puki_007us,
talldreamy_doc and persuasion2032 and
indianman76,
none of you compare
to the nectar words
tapped out by the itchy fingers
of josephroisman2000.
“I’m completely shaved” and
“I want to wrestle you so freakin’ bad.”
Submitted by
Carroll
at 12/1/2006 11:04:07 AM- Clearly I need to broaden my current cultural awareness just a bit ;-)
OK, OK, fine. Yes I do know what he's onto here -- maybe not what he's *on* though, to have endured the grueling hours of research necessary to prepare this post. The lengths to which a dedicated blogger will suffer for the cause? Amazing!
(Waving cheerfully at the monitor)
Hi, J. Chris!
Submitted by
Carroll
at 12/1/2006 11:05:39 AM- (Also chuckling cheerfully to self and realizing that it's "Something For Everyone Week" at Fluid Pudding, yes indeed :)
Submitted by
Emily
at 12/1/2006 2:18:21 PM- hilariously hilarious, jchrisrock. welcome!
Submitted by
Jessica
at 12/3/2006 2:43:59 PM- I have watched every one of those shows -- call it morbid fascination. You are very funny!
Ok.
Yes.
I brought condoms.
And sandwiches.
Isn't it amazing how they try to back out of being caught and IMMEDIATELY say they've never done anything like this before once they realize they are stone cold busted? Human nature is something else, man.
Submitted by
jchrisrock
at 12/3/2006 9:35:37 PM- Thanks, Jessica. I'm also (ok, obviously) fascinated by the shows.
What I think is amazing is that these guys DO what the dateline guy tells them to do. They have no clue who he is, but they sit down, answer all his questions. So strange. Maybe obedience is part o' human nature too.
Submitted by
faith
at 12/3/2006 10:47:21 PM- Great poetry. Guess I'm not the only one who thinks Stone Phillips is obsessed. ;-)
Submitted by
Meg
at 12/4/2006 8:40:42 PM- "I've never done anything like this before."
Yes, and Joe Francis is just a filmmaker.
The first time I saw "To Catch a Predator" (the first one) I was vacationing in Disney World. Now whenever I seen the most recent installments I get a craving for funnel cake. What the hell is wrong with me?
Oh, and welcome J.Chris Rock!