This afternoon I picked the girls up from school and headed straight to the drug store to purchase Starlight Mints for Meredith. Although she’s no longer contagious, her cough is so annoying that her teacher sent her to the nurse’s office this afternoon for a cough drop. Because the nurse isn’t allowed to give medicine that hasn’t been prescribed by a physician (I had a blanket prescription written at the beginning of the school year that covered Tylenol and Tums, but I totally zoned on cough drops.), Meredith was given a Starlight Mint and sent on her merry way.
And a merry way it was. Meredith LOVES the mints. She has never had hard candy before, which probably blows your mind. Or maybe it doesn’t. Here. Let me tell you why my kids have never had hard candy before: Once, when Meredith was a year old, she choked on a tiny cracker in the back seat of the car. And it scared the crap out of me to the extent that I rarely give anyone (including Jeff) foods with high choke potential. I don’t allow the girls to have gum. They cannot eat popcorn unless a drink is nearby. Most importantly, no clove cigarettes.
As I was saying, Meredith LOVES the mints. And because coughing kids break my heart, I threw caution to the wind, put on my Laissez Faire hat (it sparkles!), and drove straight to the drug store to load up. While there, I noticed that the pharmacy was offering flu shots for $24.99. What a bargain! Maybe?! I don’t know!
Me: Hey! Girls! Do you want to see Mommy get a shot?!
Harper: Will it be in your butt?
I grabbed the forms from the pharmacist, was baited and switched with “We are currently out of the $24.99 version, but can we interest you in the much prettier $29.99 version? It contains no preservatives!”
Me: I’ll take the pretty one! After all, it’s not MY money, it’s my HUSBAND’S money! And he doesn’t want me to get sick, because if I’m sick, Who Will Cook the Lasagna?!
(The lasagna is in the oven Right Now. It’s vegetarian, and is loaded with peas and mushrooms. My windows are cracked, so that’s what you’re smelling. It’s a soft food, you know. No choke potential. Stress-free dinner.)
A few minutes later, the pharmacist called the girls and I into the back room for the shot.
Pharmacist: Let’s talk about your fever and vomiting.
Me: Gosh, I can’t remember the last time I threw up, and I know I don’t have a fever.
Pharmacist: On the form you just filled out, you checked Yes to “I have had a fever or vomited in the past 24 hours.”
Me: How weird! I have no recollection of checking the Yes box. That pen must have been sort of like a Ouija board but not really!
Pharmacist (who apparently works in a position where there’s not much room for joking around): Have you had a fever or thrown up in the past 24 hours?
Me (totally sober now): No, Ma’am.
Pharmacist (who knows she can’t trust me as far as she can throw me, and I outweigh her by at least twenty pounds): Do you suffer from Guillain-Barre syndrome?
Me: No.
Pharmacist (Wait! She’s asking me all of the questions from the form! She probably thinks I don’t know how to read. Sometimes the illiterate are really good fakers, as evidenced by several made for television movies!): Are you allergic to eggs?
Me: I will not eat them on a train.
So, here I sit. The lasagna will be ready in fifteen minutes, and I’ve been vaccinated. And I hesitate to tell you this, but my kids have been vaccinated, too. Some of you think that’s fine, but some of you CAPS LOCK DO NOT THINK THAT’S FINE. And that’s what makes the world a special place, don’t you think? We’re all just doing our best, it’s just that some people believe they are doing it Better Than Others.
Today I give thanks for the Canadians.
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(I currently have three giveaway things going on. That has never happened before. Are you feeling lucky? You certainly look lucky.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
Do you really want to miss out on all the coughing, snotty, feverish fun?!? Last week we were having so much fun with the flu that we missed work and school for 4 days! Don’t you want to have that kind of fun?! Fun! FUN!!!!
I THINK IT’S FINE.
I capslock Think It’s Fine, too. Only one of my kiddos is vaccinated, though, because they didn’t have the babyshot in, yet.
I do not like them Sam I am. Green eggs and ham, I mean. I am fine with vaccinations.
When he was in elementary school, Son #3 would get horrible-sounding coughs several times a winter.
Of course the teacher couldn’t allow him to actually get his OWN cough drop; he had to traipse all the way down to the nurse’s office several times each day. Talk about a time waster!
i am not usually in favor of vaccinations, but i will not caplock it. to each his own, right?
i make lasagna with mushrooms and spinach etc, now i feel like trying your pea version. yum.
You know what? Rhett Michaels’ Mom totally got her shot too. Cuz she’s cool like FP.
My son almost choked on a mint once just after I’d put him in his car seat in the back of the car; he was about two. I don’t know what made me turn around to look at him but I’m incredibly lucky I did, since there are about 25 ways he could have choked to death that night. For I don’t know how long after that, whenever I allowed him to have a hard candy he had to chew it up as I watched, and he never got Jolly Ranchers because you can’t chew them.
I’m very in favor of flu sh0ts. I’ve had mine and have asked my grown children to think about getting them also.
My son had swine flu about a month ago and I’d like that to be the only flu he gets this year.
I am laughing because I just took this drug store flu shot myself today. Was it a Walgreen’s? I was mostly concerned with who was giving me the shot. Was this some clerk, a stock boy, the nebbishy pharmacist, or someone with actual training?
My kids are so excited at the possibility of me getting a flu shot in front of them that they’ll probably wet their plants with glee.
I swear, if one kid tells me to pull down my pants, that’s it. Chokeable dinners for everyone.
“I will not, will not with a goat.”
My favorite bestiality line EVAH.
And, hey, did you actually get your pharmacy to dose the kids there or did you have to schlep them to a doctor? (Asked by the pro-vaccine lazy mother.)
Does your health insurance cover vaccinations? You can probably get reimbursed for that shot.
And the Canadians are thankful for you.
I was going to answer all in caps, but someone beat me to it.
Oh, to heck with it:
FLU SHOTS = YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.
Phew! Now you can get on with your day… ;-)
Ha, the Ouija board comment made me laugh. Yes. It gently guided me to laugh.
My kids WOULD be vaccinated, if we had vaccine here. Which we don’t. I think the vaccine is on a train, in the rain, etc etc etc.
Thank you for giving thanks for me and the other Canadians! You have to pay for your flu shots? Ouch–I mean, double ouch! A pain in the arm and the wallet! We’ll be getting our H1N1 flu shots in a week or so (when my girls are over their flu-like symptoms) and then a month later we’ll all be getting our seasonal flu shots, so long as everyone is healthy-ish…
Oh–I had plenty of turkey this weekend but since it was at my parents’ place, I don’t have any leftovers–is it wrong to be envious of those who have leftover turkey in their houses?
Yay, vaccinations! Vaccinations for everyone! Thanks for doing your part for herd immunity. (Yay, herd immunity!)
Yesterday I had to be the voice of reason to my mom’s anti-flu shot all-caps office email forwarding paranoia. I say, everyone who gets a flu shot should get a good citizenship award. And cake!