This is where I am.

When bloggers write about blogging, it sort of makes my skin crawl. With that said, it seems like every year at this time I get the e-mail notification that my renewal fee is due, and suddenly I start spinning around in a big goofy skirt and asking myself if I’m still having a good time at Fluid Pudding.


Here I am having a good time with a baby donkey. Anyway, The State of Blogging (I know. I’m wincing, too.) has changed So Much since I kicked off Fluid Pudding nearly nine years ago. Back then, I wrote to no one and I loved it, and I honestly felt a creative spark every time I began a post. When people started dropping by and commenting? It felt like Christmas. (Or, perhaps more like Thanksgiving. Or my birthday!) It was fun. With a big F, even. And I used the word Shit sometimes. And nobody expressed disappointment. And I poked fun at my neighbors. And nobody accused me of being hateful. And nobody was categorized. And e-mails were mostly kind! And trolls were found only in Norwegian fairy tales! Blue skies!


Sometimes I think baby cows are cuter than baby humans! (Don’t tell the baby humans!) So, yesterday I got the renewal notification, and Jeff and I had the following conversation.

Me: You know, I’ve quit the Fluid Pudding thing a few times, but quitting is sort of stupid for me, because it never sticks.

Jeff: Are you thinking about quitting?

Me: I’m not sure what I’m thinking. I’m thinking I had more fun before I installed the filter that keeps friends and family from hearing me say words like Shit. I’m tired of not really wanting to admit that I voted for Obama simply because most of the people I know and love did NOT and NEVER WOULD HOLY CRAP NO WAY vote for Obama.


This bunny can’t quite get over my use of the word Shit, and is shocked to hear that I voted for Obama. In fact, she honestly thinks less of me as a person because of it! How can a bunny be so ridiculous yet so precious at the same time?!

Jeff: I think you should pay the renewal fee and take back Fluid Pudding.

Me: I’m going to be 40! My life is more than halfway over! I once had a dog who died after biting his tongue, and I haven’t learned a thing from him!


Sometimes chickens spend their Saturday mornings in a cage. Sometimes they walk around in Birkenstocks and shawls! HA HA HA HA HA!!! So, anyway. When I first started this website nine years ago (the archives are in Salt Lake City!), I named it Fluid Pudding because I once read an article on modernism in which the author quoted someone as saying that the state of the world has become not unlike fluid pudding—no one is firm and consistent! And when I read that quote, I felt like the author (Dostoevsky, perhaps?) had insight into my SOUL. Hence, Fluid Pudding was born.


Llamas are Llovely. And I’m not saying that taking back Fluid Pudding will involve me wrinkling my nose and being all “You feed your kid Lunchables?! You should go to HELL!!!” because I honestly believe that 94% of us are doing the best we can out there, and I know it’s not my job to call people names or sing songs about where they will spend eternity. It’s still Fluid Pudding, Dostoevsky.

Still Life with Woodpecker

This is a camel. AND, when I put this photo up on Flickr, Mrs. Kennedy mentioned that she would name it Humpy. And that brings me to this: Fussy is one of the very first blogs I read, and I believe I was reading it before the word blog actually annoyed me as much as it currently does, and four years ago she wrote a genius post where she mixed photographs with a bit of her own State of the Website words, and I loved it so much. That was four years ago, and it still inspires me.


American Goat. So, anyway. Sorry for scraping my brain and puking on your shoes.

Speaking of which, I’m participating in a brownie bake-off this weekend, and would appreciate any advice you can offer. As always, I have no idea what I’m doing, but for some reason the word Curry is making my eyebrows bend. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

53 thoughts on “This is where I am.”

  1. I’m so glad you say shit. Please keep saying it and any other words that spring to mind. My life is richer for the pudding.

  2. Since it is 4/20, you should just put weed in the brownies. You would totally win. P.S. Happy Anniversary and I swear I’m not high.

  3. FluidPudding was one of the first blogs I started reading, back in the early aughts. I love FluidPudding, and I don’t care for whom you voted. I think you’re funny, and by gum I’m sticking with you.

  4. I am delurking to tell you 2 things:

    1. I love reading your blog and I never miss a post, so I would miss you if you decided to give it up.

    2. Your homage worked! As soon as I got to the first picture I thought, “Oh! Fussy did something like this once. How awesome.”

  5. Head over to Kevin Charnas blog and look at the Tom Tomorrow cartoon there. It sums it up. I would link but it is fun to visit Kevin and I am lazy.

    Love you, love your blog, sorry about the snoring.

  6. Repeat after me: “Fuck you, I’m forty.” I was shocked to hear my workaholic husband say that about his co-workers when he turned forty. Then I turned forty and started saying it in my head to everyone. “Oh, you don’t like Crocs? Fuck you, I’m forty.”

    That’s the advice I give to you. Say it to your family in particular, they’re probably over forty and they’ll have been there.

  7. I’m glad you’re taking back Fluid Pudding. :)

    I like The Queen’s advice as well. Can I start using that at 35? :)

  8. Absolutely love your blog—it’s the only one I read that isn’t for “professional development.” Or some shit like that.

    And I have kids, too. And voted for the big O. And I’d name the camel Flem. Because they spit alot. And yes, I know that I misspelled phlegm. It’s okay, because dammit, I’m just trying to be nice. :)

  9. Angela, I would truly miss your blog if you left. I love reading about Meredith and Harper. I love reading that you feel like I do about parenting (just doing the best we can for out kids).

    I get a little flutter of happiness in my heart when you update!

    And, you can still a whole lotta marshmallows in your mouth and that makes me smile!

    Also, say shit all you want!

  10. I meant, you can stick a whole lotta marshmallows. Sorry, it is close to 10 pm and then is when my brain turns into a pumpkin!

  11. keep writing; it’s a gift, tho maybe a pain in the ass sometimes.
    ref the brownies — i have a dark chocolate + dried cherry brownie recipe that will blow the competition out of the water. i’ll email if you want it.
    AND, Obama yesterday, Obama today, Obama tomorrow. I waited eight years!!

  12. I’ve been sitting on the fence with “Should I stay or should I go” bouncing around in my head. So, I get this.

    Glad you’re sticking around, fair Angela.

  13. A llama once ate my hat at Busch Gardens. And don’t even get me started on camels. (But I do prefer them to Marlboros! Hey-o!)(I don’t actually smoke. Just for the record.)

    Um, yeah. I vote for taking back Fluid Pudding. Because I hated it when you left those last couple of times.

  14. I’m so disappointed that you used the word ‘shit’ in this post.

    I recently read an older NY Times Magazine article discussing the Texas Board of Education’s being manned primarily by fundamentalist Christian asshats. They’re intellectually bankrupt not because of what they believe, but because of the fact that they do so blindly. You shouldn’t change what you do here based on what intellectually bankrupt people say about you or what you write. Generally, they need someone else at whom to be angry, if only to keep them from being angry at themselves for what they have or haven’t become.

    All this to simply say that if you quit, I will find and kill an American Goat. And I don’t think you want that on your conscience.

  15. Bring on the Shit! and any other word you want to use. Bring on the knitting and the brownies and the reviews and the videos and the open letters. Bring it All!!! We want FP!

  16. 1. You’re my favorite. Blog for you, in a way that makes you happy. I will always remember one post you wrote about loving fall weather, lattes and marching band competitions and I was all – It’s ME! But four hours away!
    2. Billie? I really want that chocolate/dried cherry brownie recipe, please.
    3. When I see Harper in that adorable Hello Kitty get-up it makes me just the teeny tiniest bit sad we are a three-boy-family.

  17. I seldom (never?) comment, but always read. I love it when you do something unexpected. And we all voted for Obama.

  18. I’ve been blogging for 5 years (or so) and found you early on and have been following ever since (except for the times where you were taking your break, or I was taking my break, or whatever).

    I hope you stay and I understand the quandary about the filter and the tongue-biting and all that. We all need to find the right balance there.

    As for brownies — make a regular brownie batter, pour half of it in the pan (or maybe a little less than half – enough to cover) and the lay (3) of the big Symphony bars (chocolate, toffee, etc.) across the batter and cover with the remaining batter. Bake as usual.

    End product – chocolate fudgey toffee brownies. The toffee and chocolate melts in the baking but then seems to re-solidify as if by magic!

  19. I have a chocolate raspberry brownie recipe that everyone SWOONS over. Shoot me an email if you want it. And if “Fuck it, I’m forty” is allowed, what can I top that with now that I’ve hit 50…and a little more??

    Love your writing, so creative and clever and smart!!

  20. I am a firm believer in doing what makes YOU happy! (I don’t always pracitice this advice though) I love to read your blog, but I would understand and support you if fluid pudding was no longer.

    As far as the brownies, the perfect brownie is simple… just add nuts.

    I am going to try to do something to make myself happy today, thanks to you! :]

  21. I hope the brownie bake off goes well…

    Happy anniversary and continued awesomeness.

    PS – I think baby cows are way cuter than baby humans, too.

  22. Dude, baby animals ARE cuter than baby humans….. Aaaand now I’m craving brownies.

  23. love the blog.
    also, whatever brownie recipie you use, spring for the ghiradelli chocolate. you won’t regret it.

  24. I totally get this.

    I struggled with posting over the last few years and tried to make over my personal blog so many times, until I just figured out that maybe writing a personal blog isn’t it for me. Most of my life right now is wrapped up in my business, and as an attorney, there’s only so much of what happens to me that can be shared with the internet – client confidentiality being what it is. So, for me, it wasn’t so much that I was censoring myself because of family/friends, but because my job requires it. And, it turns out, censoring yourself just zaps the will to post anything. It’s stifling.

    On the other hand, I will be blogging in a business capacity more often. Which, hopefully, will hold some interest for potential clients, but may not overexcite my personal blogging friends. :)

    In any event, I look forward to your uncensored posts!

  25. I agree with Jeff. Take it back and make it all yours. I have found that using the “delete” button gives me all kinds of peace of mind. My blog…my control. Simple.

  26. I haven’t commented in a very long time. Mostly it is because you voted for Obama and use the word ‘shit’ in blog posts…and I was trying to reconcile those feeling before I would allow myself to comment.

    Or maybe it is because I’m lame. One really can’t be sure at this time.

    Either way? I love Fluid Pudding. The End.

  27. I don’t comment often but I’ve been reading since you were pregnant for Meredith. Do what makes you happy.

    Btw, I also voted for Obama and would again in a heartbeat.

  28. I have been reading your blog for ages, and would miss you if you were gone.

    P.s. You have such gorgeous skin! I hope that’s not creepy.

    P.p.s. I love that you illustrated this with baby animals. Yes, baby cows are sometimes almost cuter than baby humans.

  29. That’s one heck of a happy looking camel :-)

    I voted for Obama!

    “Totally Cheater But Totally Delicious Brownies”: Prepare box of purchased brownie mix — layer half on bottom of pan — top with layer of smallest size Snickers bars (“fun” size? I forget what they’re called) just scatter them, not wall-to-wall — cover with layer of remaining brownie mix. Bake. Eat. Oh. Boy!

    Don’t quit. When times get tough, you need us as much as we need you.

  30. beautiful children
    baby animals (lovin’ the bunny in particular)
    don’t care who you voted for, matters more to me that you voted

    my bribe to get you to renew:
    America’s Test Kitchen Brownies YAMOW.

  31. I curse alot, at work , so my children don’t hear me. I find it cathartic. I love your blog because it makes me laugh and it is real. Sometimes you can be a total spaz which cracks me up because I am, too! I voted for Obama and I am a Republican. If you don’t like it “Fuck you, I’m forty” – thanks Queen. (I just turned forty…wahh) If you leave I will miss you, terribly but do what is best for you. (I know you;ll be back sooner or later)

  32. You’ve kept FP going so strong for so long, I can imagine how it must be exhausting from time to time. The things I’ve always thought would be hardest for people who write about their kids would be finding a balance between having the experiences and documenting them, and I really admire how you don’t seem to enjoy your life any less for also describing it so hilariously and rigorously.

    Also, and I struggle with this even without keeping a blog, you don’t seem to have altered the way you describe your kids and the things they do in the name of character development. Does that make sense? I feel like every family, whether or not it’s featured in a blog with lots of readers, develops its own narrative in which the kids have set roles, and I always worry that those roles will end up defining the kids instead of the other way around. But you don’t seem to do that (at least not on FP), and I think that’s terrific.

  33. Love your blog and you must not care what anyone else thinks and I love the comment that said, “fuck you, i’m forty”. That is going to be me next year and I am so using it.

    Sadie at heyMamas

  34. I love your blog and I never comment but I enjoy reading about anything if you’re the one writing.

  35. I’m a newbie blogger and you were my main inspiration. Honestly, Perez Hilton was the first blog I read and you were my second. I still read you faithfully. (OK, I read him sometimes, too.) I have encountered some of the same issues – not wanting to talk about politics for fear of getting shitty feedback. I love me some Barack Obama, but even on facebook I’m censoring the hell out of myself because I don’t want to be a crazy magnet. Your gift is in revealing your perspective without giving away every intimate detail of your private life. It is a very fine line you walk, and you walk it well. Throw around a few cuss words and draw another adorable stick figure of yourself in an Obama shirt at a Bruce Springsteen concert – all your admirers will take down any haters that turn up in your comments section. (I feel compelled to add an “xoxo” here, but you don’t know me and it might scare you.)

  36. You know, when you showed a picture of the hungry girl omlette in a mug, I took a picture of my at-work mug (THE SAME ONE) so I could email it to you as increasing evidence of how small the world is and some similarities I’ve noticed (I edit technical non-fiction for a living; I go to church; I was sad when my van had to be replaced; I voted for Obama too, even though my family and i will be on opposing sides in any political argument. It’s a small world, but it is really big too. Keep writing b/c remembering that there are many perfect strangers out there just like me, or at least kinda like me is what makes me smile at perfect strangers.

  37. (altho I edit for a living, I don’t edit my comments, as evidenced by the MANY errors in my prior comment…so sue me.)

  38. I would miss Fluid Pudding if you quit. I really enjoy your blog. It’s fun and I have never been offended by anything I’ve read in it.

    I didn’t vote for Mr President Obama and I don’t think any less of you because you did. As far as I’m concerned, you voting for him is awesome compared to those pinheads who don’t bother to vote but do a great deal of complaining later.

    I highly recommend the judicious use of The Queen’s FU advice. Save it for those who somehow feel they have the right to judge how you live your life, speak your opinion, or exercise your right to vote. You can still be nice to anyone you want to. :)

  39. I think you should take your brilliant husband’s sage advice and run with it.

    And if you have family members that don’t already know you voted for Obama, can you really call them family? I mean, shouldn’t they at least have a suspicion? And if not, don’t they kind of deserve to be surprised by it here? Just sayin’. In my own family, I suspect the college degree and foreign car have done a lot more to out me than anything I’ve ever written.

    If comments really get to be a problem, you can always go the Dooce route and make people identify themselves by some sort of authentication process. I think it’s fair and reasonable, and I think it helps.

  40. I do believe it was Henry James. Because I remember reading some dry Englishy article or other that quoted the “fluid pudding” thing, and going, “THE BLOG! THE BLOG! THAT’S WHERE SHE GOT IT!”

    You know you’re an Internet junkie when everything reminds you of a blog.

Comments are closed.