I’m making big decisions without internet access!

My phone went dead yesterday afternoon. AND, when the phone goes dead, the DSL goes dead, and suddenly I’m faced with an army of chirping crickets and all I want to do is check my e-mail or read websites or research eyelash growth, and twenty years ago I had no idea what the internet was, and now I’m really wondering what I did with my time back then. (Wait! I remember! I actually hung out with real people and went to real restaurants/bars and read books. Also, because I was in college at the time, I’m assuming I studied a bit. And, oh how I wish I could revisit those years and perhaps try a bit harder in my classes. Have I ever told you that I changed my major seven times in five years? Question: How do you go from Piano Performance to Psychology/Religion in five steps? I’ll tell you how: English, Communications, Elementary Education, Occupational Therapy, Nursing!)

Where was I? Yes. Without the internet. So, I walked out of the house at six in the evening to get the mail, and a red truck came zooming (zooming!) up the hill with the horn honking and the driver waving. He pulled up into our driveway and yelled, “Is Jeff home?!” Jeff was not home. The driver introduced himself as our back yard side neighbor, and told me that he has been cutting the overgrowth of trees that now fall on his and our property from the other back yard side neighbor’s yard. (This is so boring.) Anyway, he asked if he could back his truck up to our yard today and haul away the branches and Oh! He noticed that we have a sassafras tree growing in our side yard, and can he make tea?! (Yes. Yes, he can.)

I told him when I saw him zooming up the hill, I thought he was going to ask if we had a working phone. Because we don’t. He laughed and claimed to not know anything about that.

This morning Jeff walked out into the back yard to check out the overgrowth, and he found that the Back Yard Side Guy had cut our phone wire. And I know it had to have been an accident, because the guy’s super nice but Argh.

An hour ago the girls and I drove thirty miles south so I could check my e-mail and tell you this story. And what a great story it is, no? I’d appreciate a few bucks for gas.

Also, my OB/GYN has been trying to get me off of the birth control pills for three years now, because the hormones mess with me and I’m 40 and I’m a bit irresponsible when it comes to taking them. SO, I’m thinking about letting her insert tiny coils into my fallopian tubes, which will fool the fallopians into forming scar tissue around the coils, thereby making it nearly impossible for me to produce unplanned Pudding Pops. (Please know that I didn’t come up with this coil idea on my own, although I sort of wish I had. Once again, intelligence is power.)

The only thing that sort of makes me stare at the sky and put my index finger to the side of my head is the fact that I sometimes think I have one more kid waiting to be made. If I do the scar tissue thing, that kid will never show his or her face.

I’m not sure why I told you the tree trimming story first, when it’s fairly clear that permanent birth control is the more compelling topic.

Finally, I’m going to go vegetarian again on July 1. SO, if you were going to invite me out for a steak dinner, your best bet would be to send that invitation out in the next few days.

And now I shall return to my house, where I’ll be without the internet for another 24 hours. At least. Inhale. Exhale slowly.
The Puddings are Camping Out! Come over here to admire our tent and earn a chance to win a $50 Visa gift card from BlogHer! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

27 thoughts on “I’m making big decisions without internet access!”

  1. Totally unsolicited opinion that might sound unintentionally harsh:

    Fallopian tube scarrification?? This is seriously the best your ob could come up with? You can either take the pill, or… I know! We’ll jam these coils inside your reproductive organs and eventually barnacles will form and prevent any more babies!

    What about a different pill? What about the NuvaRing? What about an IUD?

    And in the event that you decide you have all the perfect Puddings you need, why wouldn’t you guys go with a simple vasectomy?

    These are super personal questions. Sorry about that. But coils??? COILS??????

  2. The coil thing sounds scary. I second the vasectomy idea. (Sorry Jeff, whom I do not know and probably shouldn’t be discussing in such a manner.) It’s reversible!

  3. I had my tubes tied (which sounds so much cooler than “clamped”, which they actually are) in April, but I never wanted puppies. Ever. In fact, I’d rather have actual dog puppies than human ones, and I’m allergic to dogs.

    Anyway, if you’re not sure about that 3rd pudding pop, I wouldn’t agree to permanent birth control yet. It sounds more like your Dr is giving you Essure Pressure (I just made that up, heh).

    I do know a lot of pipples from the Child-free By Choice group on Rav who wholeheartedly looooove Essure, though. They like how there’s no surgery involved. Tube-tying is done laproscopically these days, though, so that’s quick and permanent, too. Also, tube-tying is immediately effective, ta-daaah.

  4. me too! me too! i changed my major seven times. nursing, marine biology, theater, english, primate psychology, back to theater, and finally: creative writing. because we all know that’s where the money is.

    non-hormonal birth control options are sticky. which is why i told my husband to deal with it because i wasn’t going to anymore.

    /oversharing with internet strangers

  5. Well, I am not touching the birth control stuff. LOL I was going to comment on how much we have in common with the college thing. I have a degree in English and Secondary Education and a minor in psychology and athletic training. Started out Physical Therapy and then changed. Funny, I have know you since high school and still learn new things.

  6. I am 6 weeks (or so) away from delivering what is most likely our last kid. For reasons I will not go into here that involve my tubes, we were told we had about a 1 in 100,000 chance of conceiving again.

    VOILA! 4 years after that news is delivered, baby #3 is on the way!

    I asked my Dr. about tube tying, and she said absolutely, positively only if I am 100% sure I am done. I am 95% sure. So we are waiting one year to make that decision. There are other, less permanent, options that will work just fine until then.

    The coil thing sounds kind of scary to me, too.

  7. I agree with others; the whole coil in the fallopian tube scarring thing sounds way harsh compared to Jeff getting a vasectomy or getting tubes tied. However, if you aren’t 100% certain you don’t want any more little puddings, then consider something else.

    IUD’s these days are not the IUD’s of our youth. They are incredibly effective with virtually no side effects. There is also no waiting period if you want to get pregnant again. Just take it out, and voila! You make another pudding.

    As far as college majors and such? Started out music ed with saxophone and voice, dropped the sax part, and didn’t finish the voice part. Moved on to nursing then quickly swerved to respiratory therapy (and that’s what I’m currently doing). Finished my BA in psychology/religion. I have graduate hours in theology, religion, women’s studies, human sexuality, and nursing…but no Master’s degree. I’m the world’s most versatile, over-educated respiratory therapist. Now I’m adding costmetology (always wanted to do that, but my mother wasn’t going to hear of having a daughter who was “just” a hairdresser), and starting that program in August. Once I’m done with that, I’m going to throw in some marine biology courses from the local college, and get scuba certified soon. Another thing my mother wouldn’t hear of me doing. I guess you could say I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up…lol. Actually, there are many things I want to do, and I’m still going to strive to do them!

    Didn’t mean to write a blog on your blog. :)

  8. I’m giving you my 2 cents because I also ended up Psych/Religion after 5 years and 5 majors. I am considering the coils, it sounds good to me. I tried the fabulous new IUD and spotted for 6 months! Pill makes me “emotional” and hubby although willing is not getting around to the snip snip quick enough. Good luck!

  9. WOW! Talk about dropping a load of information on us dwellers of your blog!! (kidding, I love it)

    First, I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I only changed my “major” once, I initially wanted to be a nurse before I went to radiology school. I don’t regret either decision that I made. If I had never went to radiology school, I probably would have never worked at St. Louis Children’s Hosp. and met my husband. I am still thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life…I’ve always wanted to have my own florist, have my owning cooking show or do something culinary (imagine that!), I had also always wanted to be a park ranger. Who knows what it will be…

    The birth control issue… that’s a tough decision and something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. I didn’t have the choice when I was just 30, so I have learned acceptance.

    Being without internet doesn’t really bother me…I can usually go for about a month before I get the urge to surf or lurk.

    I hope you get the net back soon and I know you will research all of the available options offered!!

  10. Although I have a mirena (due to issues I’m 100% certain no-one wants to read about on the internet, Me G had the snip about 9 years ago. Fun to watch, no side effects for me, reversible, responsible. Better for your body than any foreign body.

  11. I changed my major twice (not getting into my original one) and graduated early. Seems all my electives and humanities were in English!

    As for the bc, if Jeff isn’t ready to go for the snip-snip, I highly recommend the Mirena (IUD). Love mine. Easy in, easy out (when/if you want another Pudding Pop), and NO periods! Was that TMI?
    P.S. Did I ever tell you about the time my ex went for the vasectomy and FAINTED AT THE CONSULTATION?? I had to figure out things on my own quickly. Could be yet another reason why he’s the ex.

  12. Only you know the right time to do the permanent thing, but when you’re ready to make the decision I highly recommend the coils. Sounds horrible but it is actually only a tiny bit uncomfortable – more so at the radiology follow-up than at during the initial procedure. Also? You get to take some really interesting pain/relaxation medication on the day of the procedure. BONUS!

  13. That was hilariously random…I love it! I can totally picture your neighbor. And as others have commented, seems like a pretty invasive, permanent procedure if you are not sure about more puddings.


  14. IUDs! No hormonal side effects (other than the whole not-getting-pregnant-again thing) and 5 years at a time! Want more pudding pops? Take it out!

    I did IUD after our 2nd birth control baby. Utterly ridiculous and way too many kids.

    I’m just sayin’, that, or send hubby to the snippers.That’s what Imma doin… :)

  15. I did Essure! It’s mainly because I’m a control freak and want to be sure I can’t have kids, not because I want to run around on my husband (seriously someone asked me that). Otherwise it would have been him heading to the minor-surgery stuff. I know a LOT of guys who’ve sone it and it’s a 24 to 48-hour owee. About the same for Essure, but that’s more expensive. And irreversible, as has been pointed out. Up to you, though.

    How about the implant?

  16. I just saw your vac. pics…awesome! Sorry about the phone wire, that sucks. I would not suggest coils…anything implanted that should not be has a great risk for future infection. I have seen the aftermath (nurse) of infected hernia mesh years after the surgery and it is disgusting and scarring and serious. Please, don’t do it.

  17. If you do go the vasectomy route it sounds like your Back Yard Side Guy is skilled.

  18. If Jeff can handle having his TOE moved to his HAND, he can handle another simple alteration.

    Or you can just get an IUD. I love mine (the copper one–I’m freaked out about the idea of stopping periods). It took a few months for us to really get to know each other, but we have a pretty lovely relationship now.

  19. I didn’t change my major at all, in fact, I added an additional major, so maybe I’m not qualified to weigh in . . .

    But, until you’re sure you’re done, don’t do anything easily reversed.

    And, as a knitting auntie, anytime anyone in my family even hints that they might be done, I start begging for more babies, babies, babies! Because the childless auntie wants to squish and spoil and knit tiny cute things.

  20. IUD.
    Or, perhaps this is the time to have that third one.

    Give it some thought.

  21. I vote IUD (not that you asked for opinions)> But I also strongly suggest the copper T (paraguard) over Mirena. Mirena has hormones, so if you don’t like the pill, you likey won’t like Mirena. Paraguard has no hormones. I’ve had mine for 3 years with no complaints. I wanted REALLY effective birth control, but since I am not 100% sure that there are no circumstances under which I wouldn’t want more children I didn’t want to go permanent. When it is time to go permanent though, it will be my hubby who goes under the knife. After all these years of me taking pills or having things shoved in me to control when and if we have babies, it will finally be his turn.

  22. ahh…

    trim the branches and risk cutting your phone line?

    or let nature take its course?

    these are the questions that make life worth living!

    Also, I bet if you’d had the Internet 20 years ago you would’ve skipped majors 1, 2, 3 and 4 because on-line research would have told you to go straight to #5. Right? right. That’s what I tell myself, anyway.

  23. Ok, unsolicited option: Don’t do the coils. Anything that involves COILS and RADIOLOGY FOLLOW-UPS sounds unnecessary. Also? Nix the IUD. I guess some women don’t have problems with it, but I’ve also read about crappy side effects for others – no sex drive, mad hair loss, yeast infections… plus, anything that stops your body from having a period EVER seems, well, bad.

    I’m probably going to try to have a baby of my own, but I’ve decided to bag that pill. After we have the baby, we’ll go the vasectomy route. In the meantime, I bought “Taking control of your fertility” and I’m charting my ovulation and learning the Fertility Awareness Method (different from the Rhythm method). With the exception of a handful or so of days a month, we can be carefree! The rest of the time, you use backup. Simple and hormone/coil/surgery free! :)

    Regardless, Vasectomy seems WAY less horrendous and invasive and unnatural than COILS. nix the coils :)

    or, do whatever you feel is best for you, ignoring what us busybodies have to say about it.

  24. Unsolicited advice: the Essure contains nickel, which many people are allergic to.

    I have a Mirena and hated it for 6 weeks (back pain), loved it for 3+ years (no periods!) and now am kind of pissed at it, as my periods are back. Bleagh.

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