(I didn’t really clean out the refrigerator.)

Just so you know, this morning I took vinegar and a cotton ball to a pair of shoes that had grown moldy on the inside. I did NOT make a video of it. (You’re welcome.) I’m still a bit bewildered/disgusted by the whole idea of Mold in the Shoe, and when I tried to find information on the internet by searching for “Mold in my Dansko”, I discovered that I am the first person to ever be willing to discuss this problem publicly. Anyway, the vinegar sucked it up, and everything is back to normal.

Someone sent an e-mail asking about the brand of glasses I’m now wearing. Interestingly enough (to 3% of you, maybe), they’re Eco, also known as Earth Conscious Optics. The model number is 1030, and because they’re made of recyclable materials, I fully expect them to start decomposing on my face sometime in the next few months. Next year at this time, they’ll have reduced themselves to a monocle, and suddenly, top-hatted and with a wrinkled outer shell, I’ll invite you to come over and eat peanuts with me.

We’ve once again reached that time where the school asks parents to bring in food for the parent/teacher conferences. Last year I fell down and threw a pan of brownies across the parking lot. This year I took the easy way out: Two sausage/cheese plates and a box of Ritz crackers. (The local grocery store calls this particular combination “Nibbler Tray! Carb Diet Delight!” which is sort of embarrassing and sort of awesome depending on my mood.)

When I got home from delivering the food to the school, I quickly surveyed my refrigerator to see if we had anything else the teachers might be interested in. The newsletter was pretty specific: The teachers prefer items tailored to the Grab and Go style of eating. I quickly cleaned out the bottom shelf and labeled everything to appear as delightful as the Nibbler Tray.

“Meatballs from The Puddings’ Tuesday! Fifteen were made! Only six were eaten! Refresh your inner man!”

“These three sweet pickles are older than a certain kindergarten student named Harper! Gormandize!”

“This is part of a tater tot casserole, which actually seemed like a good idea at the time! Take sustenance!”

By the way, make sure you go over here and play for laughs! You could win $100! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

8 thoughts on “(I didn’t really clean out the refrigerator.)”

  1. That the Dansko website doesn’t offer any vinegar-related mold tips is kind of douchey.
    (…I just couldn’t help myself….)

  2. Once upon an unbelievably long time ago, my young-newlywed self wanted to host a holiday party in our first home, but had less than no money for doing so. Visiting my folks one day, I bemoaned this fact to my mother, only to have my dad pass through the room and offer this priceless solution. “Easy. Just set out whatever you have to eat along with a sign that says, ‘Have another, you pig.'” For the rest of my life, almost every time I’ve been thrown into a situation requiring the provision of group-type vittles for which I was unprepared or, um, just uninterested, I’ve had to forcibly restrain myself from sign-making.

    How’s YOUR restraint?

  3. I am behind, again. Glad you didn’t throw the cheese and cracker tray across the parking lot. Your day-in-the-life video was awesome! Yay for Disney World. I love mustard. There, now I’m caught up.

  4. Too bad your new glasses aren’t made of dehydrated potatoes or corn or whatever it is that they make the enviro-friendly paper plates out of…. or maybe they are? Problem solved.

    p.s.- I love them & they look great on you!

  5. I had a pair of boots that I found covered in mold after a summer in the basement. I used Lysol (vinegar did not occur to me because I enjoy burning my nasal tissues) and got it off, but couldn’t bring myself to wear them again. They are still down there, though, JUST IN CASE.

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