Add “Big Fat Pillow Hat” to my List of Needs.

As you know, I picked my glasses up last Tuesday. Everything was fine until last Friday when I noticed that the frames were embedding themselves into the back of the left side of my skull. I went back to the glasses shop, where the woman who originally helped me choose the frames adjusted them for me. Excellent.

Over the weekend, I noticed that I was spending a lot of time sticking my middle finger up to push the glasses to the top of my nose. Also, the At Rest position for the frames was super crooked. I told myself that everything requires adjustment, and because the glasses had already taken their turn, perhaps it was my level of What I Can Accept that needed a bit of tweaking.

I lived with the crooked slippy glasses for four days before I couldn’t stand it anymore. This morning I went back to the store, where the same woman was working.

Me: You know, I don’t want you to think that I’m going to be The Lady Who Needs Constant Adjustments.

Nice Glasses Shop Lady (NGSL): No! You’re fine. I just adjusted mine this morning. Plastic frames move around!

Me: Pretty soon you’ll make a drinking game out of me showing up here. Ah! Here she is AGAIN! For the third time today! I’m so wasted!!!

NGSL: Really. Don’t hesitate to come in.

She adjusted the glasses, placed them onto my head, made sure they weren’t loose or crooked, and sent me on my way.

With a bounce in my step (you know how I am!), I walked out to the car, pressed the unlock button on my key thing, reached for the handle, and—not realizing just how robust I can be on Wednesdays—yanked the door right into the side of my head.

Me (alone on the parking lot, wearing tan corduroy pants and feeling red-faced): Oh! Ha! Okay then! That hurt!

Because I had scored a prime parking spot outside of the glasses shop, and because I had been the only customer in the store, there is a 28% chance that the NGSL had seen the entire parking lot mishap. (The good news? I am not built, nor do I move in a manner that stirs up that whole “Watch me as I walk away” sort of action. This fact mostly works to my advantage.) Anyway, I will be purchasing an eyeglass repair kit later this afternoon. (I’ve already watched three YouTube videos showing me how to adjust my frames, meaning I’m now 100% qualified to perform this task. (I also watched a video on appendectomy! This may come in handy if I need to score extra cash during the holiday season. My bathtub is very clean.) Similarly, I watched a video telling me how important it is to not skimp on makeup when you are a wearer of glasses. Eyes? Lined. You can thank me later.)
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14 thoughts on “Add “Big Fat Pillow Hat” to my List of Needs.”

  1. Some day, when I have got over the trauma, I will tell you just how many times this past couple of months I have been back to the opticians with Eldest’s specs. And how many of these times they had been smashed into bits.

  2. I tend to have brain tumor symptoms when my specs are out of whack…I’ll be dizzy and nauseous for a day or so and then I’ll look at my glasses, which will undoubtedly be warped. Be careful adjusting them yourself, just sayin.

  3. Sorry, I had to giggle just a little! When I read your posts, it is like I have a little video going in my head. I can totally picture the scenes.

  4. Okay, so for reals, I cannot wear plastic frames. At all. They never never NEVER stay adjusted right on my head, and I was told this has something to do with my prescription and that the lenses I require tend to make the frames wider, or something. I don’t know. I might have been drunk when this was being explained to me, but I switched over to metal frames and have never looked back.

  5. At the moment i’m doing that silent laugh where all you hear is “hehehehehehe” as air passes in and out and my shoulders shake and I wipe tears from my eye.

    Also: thank you for make me realize I’m not the only person in the universe who ever has opened a car door into my head. (I have also cranked my head on the roof of the car getting in AND closed the hatch on my shoulder)(awesome)

  6. So, did you have your underpants on the inside when you went into the shop, and on the outside with your cape when you came out of the shop? Bionic eyes, super strength and lined eyes? You rock, Angela Pudding.

  7. NGSL may very well create a drinking game to go with your frequent visits. And now place bets on how many self-inflicted injuries you inflict on your self.

  8. I do the whacking-my-head-with-the-car-door thing entirely more often than I will ever admit. I should probably make a drinking game out of it.

    Wait, that would be dangerous. Scratch that.

  9. One of my ears is lower than the other and my parents only let me buy plastic frames. I learned to adjust frames myself until I was old enough to get contacts.

  10. You are SO funny! (But if you have a strong astygmatism you HAVE to get them adjusted correctly or they’ll give you headaches again.)

    Of course, knocking yourself in the head will give you headaches as well.

    Best of luck to you, then… :) (AND PLEASE make me some cake pops!!! )

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