42 Spanking Heads Baked in a Pie

As you know, I turned 42 over the weekend. 42 has always been one of my very favorite numbers, so I have it in my head that it’s only a matter of minutes before my bucket starts filling up with more glitter, peach pie, and fancy (yet sensible) shoes.

My life took a bit of a turn on Friday evening when my family gifted me with my very first smart phone. (I always upgrade my phone with whatever is free at Best Buy. As a result, my phones are always a bit simple-minded with a distinct lack of whistles and flares, and I’m okay with that. As long as I can call out when I need to call out, I’m good. Why have a zipper when hooks and eyes work just as well?!)

Anyway. (Cue the harpsichords and Baptist choirs!) I now own an iPhone. And it’s the kind that talks to you and helps you determine how many days are left until Christmas and how many  miles you live from Jackson Hole and how to make hummus out of sweet potatoes. My only complaint is that I can’t quite figure out how to make it compliment and reassure me randomly throughout the day. (“You look especially fetching today, Angie Spanking Head.” “Your anger is justified, Angie Spanking Head.” “You don’t have to take this bullshit, Angie Spanking Head.” “If I wasn’t such a phone, I would invite you to a make-out party, Angie Spanking Head.”)

(My phone calls me Angie Spanking Head because Jon Scieszka and Lane Smith signed my copy of Squids Will Be Squids with an Angie Spanking Head shout-out from Aesop. This is one of Harper’s most favorite things EVER, so we decided to Make It Happen iPhonetically.)


This weekend was particularly good. It found us eating burritos and nachos and pie and making vegan chocolate chip cookies and taking naps and listening to episodes of Roderick on the Line, which is my new favorite non-knitting podcast.

The final day of school is one week from today. The idea of summer normally stresses me out. This year I’m just going to roll with it while baking a stupid amount of cupcakes and taking the girls to ice skating lessons and demanding that my phone sing Beastie Boy tunes for me. (And I think to myself, “What a wonderful world.”) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

16 thoughts on “42 Spanking Heads Baked in a Pie”

  1. I am baffled by this entire post! Which I find weirdly compelling. I do not get any of these references – and I usually do not like not being one of the cool kids……but I can handle it today.

  2. Happy belated birthday, and I told you that the iPhone would solve all of the world’s problems… well, at least most of your problems… or at the very least make you feel as cool as you truly are.

  3. Just for the record, what are your favorite knitting podcasts? I’d be interested in checking them out.

  4. Happy late Birthday (you weren’t late obviously, just me!)! I’m still a hold out no cell person, but you certainly make a compelling argument, I would love a pleasant companion through the day making helpful suggestions!

  5. Glad you had such a nice birthday. I got an Iphone majiggy too this weekend! They are indeed neat.

  6. Happy belated Birthday! I’m an android owner and I love my smart phone. I hope you also find a ridiculous amount of apps that are free and useful!

  7. Happy belated birthday! I have a smart phone that has taken me ages to get used to. While most of the time I give it the “you’re ridiculous” side eye, every once in a while (like today when I got lost on my way to Cardinal Glennon) it saves my ass and I consider making out with it to show my appreciation.

  8. I don’t have the talking iPhone yet, but that’s because my other iPhone is still very good and I’m too cheap to change up till I have a more pressing need. I resisted cell phones for years. I didn’t use one often enough to be able to remember how to do the simple stuff it did. My smart phone changed my life. Now if I could just wrest it from the hands of my toddler grandson…

  9. Happy belated birthday. If you’re still doing WW, they have a mobile app that’s good (basically e-tools on your phone) plus a bar code scanner that will change your life. Or at least make grocery shopping / point counting easier.

  10. I think your phone has a mind of its own. It’s ridiculous. Siri is a naughty girl.

  11. Do not – I repeat – DO NOT -download angry birds. It’s a horrific timewaster & it should be outlawed.

    I’m with Lori – the WW aps are great – but the scanner isn’t so useful if you’re not eating a lot of boxed/packaged stuff.

    Happy Belated Birthday!

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