Is anxious around others and will bake biscotti for you if you’re interested.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Roderick on the Line. I can’t name more than four people in my life who would enjoy this podcast, but I (mostly) enjoy it a LOT. I’m currently listening to episode 77, and as I drove home from purchasing 272 popsicles at the store this afternoon, I heard John Roderick mention the scene from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo during which Lisbeth Salander tattoos the sentence “I am a sadist pig and a rapist.” onto Nils Bjurman’s body to warn others of his crimes against her. Roderick goes on to explore the idea of Yelping and/or tattooing people to warn others of their shoddy driving skills and/or character flaws. I LOVE THIS IDEA. (Sort of. Obviously, history has proven that forced tattoos are never a good thing.)

Wouldn’t life be (sort of) easier if, at age 18 and every five to ten years thereafter, we could have descriptive words or phrases UV-tattooed onto our arms/legs/abdomen to allow others to see (if they are willing to haul around a blacklight) what they’re up against? The phrases, obviously, would be submitted by peers (or a public tribunal. I haven’t ironed out the details, because I don’t really believe anyone will make this happen. Please know that I’m willing to toss twenty bucks into a Kickstarter campaign…) and would serve as a warning and/or recommendation to possible employers and/or life partners and/or friends. Think of all the games we would no longer have to play!

In the past few years, I’ve met people who I’m SURE would have phrases such as “champion at lying” and “acts incompetent, but is actually just lazy” placed somewhere on their bodies. I’ve also met folks who should have “selfless” or “drops everything to bring you a pie” or “sacrifices vacations to bottle-feed orphaned puppies” as their character trait tattoo (or CTT, as I will refer to it if *I* start the Kickstarter campaign).

I’ve been thinking about my own CTTs for the past hour, and I’m afraid they’re not all good. (I wonder if we would live our lives differently if CTTs were a thing. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have indulged in the Pluot PLU Scandal of 1999 if there was a chance that my crap dishonesty would have been documented forever on my abdomen.)


(In case it’s not clear, my CTTs: Isn’t the best driver, Keeps opinions to self to avoid fights, Pluot PLU scandal 1999, Once pried open a live clam and it probably died 1986, Unhealthy self-image, Gives money to charity, Took standardized test in exchange for money, Adopted sick orphan cat/is allergic to cats, Doesn’t always refrain from gossip, Curses a lot, Raised money for stranger 2012, Not the greatest friend 1989.)

Any idea what your CTT would say? (If the tattooing consortium (or TC) would show up at my house right now, they would add “Throws stink eye to anyone blasting Bruno Mars songs in the elementary school pick-up line” to the left side of my neck, and balance it with “Helped lady who knocked shoestring display to the floor pick up ALL of the shoestrings” on the right.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

13 thoughts on “Is anxious around others and will bake biscotti for you if you’re interested.”

  1. Wow – not sure if I can really boil this down. I think “is not actually a very relaxed person” would probably have to go there somewhere….But then the list gets kind of long…..

  2. My CTT would include:
    1- I worry too much.
    2-I’m selfless, which is an asset and a flaw.
    3-I can be impatient at times. (I’m working on it)
    4-I am loyal to my family, friends and God.
    5-Speaking of God, I’m very religious. (and I’m thankful for friends who are accepting of that)
    6-I love to laugh!!
    7-I’m sensitive.
    8-I think I’m intuitive.
    9-I’m emotional. (today is a very emotional day for me, it happens sometimes.)
    10-I’m loving.
    11- I’m a total pushover if dogs or children are involved.
    12-I’m definitely my own worst enemy about many things.
    13- I have a hard time making decisions without asking the opinions of others.

    This was a good exercise. I’m going to think about this all evening. This is what I came up with for now. I still have a lot more space for many more CTT’s. Did you really steal pluots?

    p.s.- I’m willing to throw in 20 bucks as well.

  3. Bad bits:

    has a tendency to focus on the negative parts of people – and dwell there.

    speaks before thinking it through

    tends to dig her heels in on things just to be right

  4. Oh mah gosh! Aunt Mitz and I are basically CTT TWINS ™.

    That should be a thing, CTT Twins. Like, you could get a package deal if you look up on the wall at the CTT Shoppe and saw a list that closely matched you. I’d throw in an initial $20 for this worthwhile endeavor!

    p.s., thank you for sharing. I’d also have to add CTTs for being a bad friend/neighbor in ~1984, as well as for volunteering at a prison for 6+ years and counting…among other CTTs….

  5. LOVE this idea.

    Irrationally passionate.
    Greatest weakness: snuggling
    Can write a good sentence.

  6. I let my brother’s family hurt me too much.
    I adore children.
    I am a slob.
    I can’t let go even when I know it is for the best.
    I procrastinate.
    I constantly search for ways to get happier.

  7. That’s all you got? Seriously? No wonder you are named after angels.

    I’m old. My list is long — and it is definitely not all the things that are considered virtues but I turn them around to say what a burden it is to be so great. I try every day to be kind and honest and do the right thing. Sometimes I don’t succeed. That’s all I’m sharing.

  8. Interrupts too much
    Swears like a sailor when in pain or freaked out by bad drivers, although can occasionally be called a bad driver
    Always has an extra seat at the table
    Will defend you, loudly if necessary
    Loves to laugh
    Has a weakness for good food
    Becomes useless when reading a good book
    Friendly to a fault
    Hates drama
    Makes good food and shares it often
    Tends to assume she’s right without exploring other possibilities.

  9. Writes well
    Talks a lot
    is doing her best, which sometimes sucks and sometimes doesn’t
    unfailingly kind to children, except when she isn’t
    will probably give you a cookie if you ask and she has one.

  10. Dislikes most people
    Excellent cook
    Loathes human nature
    Makes outstanding pies
    Prefers solitude
    Mixes strong drinks
    Appreciates the beauty of the erlenmeyer flask
    Honest to a fault
    Above average golfer
    Willing to punch a rhino for the right job

  11. At first I immediately thought of all bad things about myself. Then I was talking to my mom about this and she brought up things like the fact that we’re foster parents for humans and animals, the percentage of our income we give away, random things we’ve done that others would consider huge acts of charity but we haven’t ever spoken of again or considered much of a sacrifice.

    So I think this is a brilliant idea. Not only because then we would know what we’re getting in to with other people but also because we would remember who we are too. Yes, I indulge in too much celebrity gossip online but I also had ten kids for a month alone to help out a family member. I break speed limit laws but I gave up Starbucks to send a kid in Uganda to school.

    No one is all good or all bad and we could all use that reminder when we encounter others.

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