The weighting is the hardest part, Tom Petty.

Every year I allow myself to gain ten pounds during November and December. THEN, every year I drop the ten before sweater weather ends.

2013 was different.

I put on the ten in November and December of 2012 (snickerdoodles! goofy balls made out of Oreos and white chocolate! pumpkin everything! have I mentioned the goofy balls?!), and when it was time to drop the ten? I couldn’t drop it.

I know things happen when you start dancing around in your 40s. I also know that Matthew McConaughey is my age and he can gain and drop weight for movie roles like it’s his job. (Because IT’S HIS JOB.) And another thing: Matthew McConaughey has a last name that is VERY difficult to spell, making cutting and pasting an absolute necessity for me. And, yes. Matthew McConaughey is a man with resources. He probably has an athletic trainer and/or a nutrition coach and/or a trusty supplier of marijuana. I have none of those things. Then again, I don’t NEED any of those things. (It’s fun to make drug references at Fluid Pudding. Do you remember the other day when I talked about LSD? I loved that.)

You know about my weirdo relationship with food and body image (and wool and alone time). I won’t go into details. Just know that it REALLY bothered me that I wasn’t able to drop the ten. When summer hit and my summer clothes wouldn’t fit? It did me in. I actually went out and purchased a $12 Sleeveless Dress of Shame in an attempt to “force” myself into DROPPING THE TEN. I ran a few times. I did yoga a few times. I sat on the couch (more than) a few times. (Alone. With wool.)


On September 17th, I went into a place that reduces the number of degrees of separation between Jennifer Hudson and anyone who goes into that place. (I’ve talked about the place before.) I sadly stood on a scale and was told that I had actually gained not ten, but thirteen pounds in the past year.

Lady With The Scale (LWTS): What are your goals?

Me: Easy. I want my jeans to fit because I can’t stomach shopping for jeans. I have too much stomach for my jeans. My stomach! My jeans! PLEASE STOP ME BEFORE I CRY!

I decided to give myself five weeks to drop the 13. (And that’s sort of funny, because I had been trying to lose it for 37 weeks. Some people can cook up an entire BABY in 37 weeks!)

As of this morning I hit my goal with absolutely zero exercise. (Let me know if you ever want to talk about clean eating. Clean eating is what worked. 100%.) Hilarious coincidence: It’s November. Time to start eating like a jerk again! GOOFY BALLS!

Actually, because I’m old and I don’t really have anything in common with Matthew McConaughey, I’m going to try to NOT gain ten pounds during the holiday season. To help keep me motivated, I’m looking into a Fitbit Force. In order to actually get off of the couch, I feel like I need numbers and clicks and bells and whistles and graphs and apps and a social network made up of OTHER clowns who have Fitbits. (I also feel like I need a therapist, but I’m convinced that wool/alone time provides the same benefits as getting dressed and talking to a stranger (who is merely a friend I haven’t met yet, I suppose).)

Unrelated?: I’m following a new local donut shop on Facebook, and I’m in the beginning stages of planning a visit. If I park a block over, perhaps I can register 200 steps on the Fitbit, which should unlock my “Permission: Donut” achievement. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

17 thoughts on “The weighting is the hardest part, Tom Petty.”

  1. I also had to google Matthew McConaughey recently when chiming in on the “alright” vs “alright” debate. I believe you were virtually there as well.

    Since I no longer have my own blog, maybe I should just commit to commenting everyday in November.

  2. It would appear that the end of menopause is upon me and I definitely have 10 – 15 pounds more than I used to…but what now? I have tea in the morning, and apple and some cheese for lunch (or salad with lemon) and regular dinner. Sadly, I think it’s the wine.
    I think I have to stop drinking wine.
    But things don’t fit me.
    Big sad face.

  3. I have a fitbit and I love it. Unfortunately, I am starting to defeat it. I now subconsciously (yeah let’s go with that) forget to put it on an the days when I know I’m going to be a bum.

  4. Clean eating makes SUCH a difference. I’ve gotten lazy and let a lot of processed foods sneak into my diet and although I haven’t gained weight, my weight loss has ground to a halt and I’m looking a little doughy. You’ve inspired me to get back to what I know I should be eating.

  5. Dude! Congratulations! Also, not for nothin’, Matthew McConawhatsit eats paleo. Which is clean eating with meat. You can do clean eating without meat! Obviously! Because you did! Yay, clean eating!

  6. By all means, let’s discuss “clean eating”. I’m betting it would not include the mac & cheese I made from scratch last night and stuffed into a cute little pie pumpkin before baking. It was research, Angie! Made the first time per recipe, but planning to veganize for upcoming holiday visitors. Really cute. Certainly tasty! But OMG, the calories! Talk about “feeling doughy”!


  7. Let me tell you: every Strange Donut will be worth it, 100 times over. They’re amazing and super cool people too!

  8. We have a local donut shop that is amazing. It shares a parking lot w super target, so when we go we do our target run afterwards. I get about a mile of walking in doing that, according to my fitbit (I have a One. Love it.)

  9. I would love to read of your clean eating. Krispy Kreme gives kids a free donut for every A on their report card…it sucks having smart kids…

  10. I’d love to see more posts on clean eating! I hear good things, but have yet to put most of it into practice. And you’re the 3rd person I know (okay, “know”) who has mentioned FitBit in the past month and I keep wanting to look into them more, so I think that means that I need to buy one…that’s how that works, right?

  11. LOVE my fitbit! It really does make me more accountable to getting off my tail on a daily basis. Let us know if you’re accepting fitbit “friends” when you get one!

    Also love the idea of clean eating, but haven’t been able to self-motivate to actually make it happen for a decent period of time…

  12. Want to more about the clean eating please. Also might want to consider the One rather than the Force.. the bracelets tend to pick up hand movements as steps so your knitting might net you a 10K goal without actually getting out of the chair.

  13. I have had a FitBit (Flex, I only had a $100 gift card to amazon, so Flex it was!) for six days and I don’t mean to be melodramatic but I do believe it is CHANGING MY LIFE.

    I just wanted you to know because I’ve been struggling to lose “those last 15lbs” for 3’ish years, gaining and losing the first 5 plus some extras when I was really sad/stressed. The FitBit is finally getting me PAST that 5lb limit so I am officially now losing weight I’ve never lost before! I’m in unmarked territory!

    So, if you get one (Get the Force, Seriously – it’s much better) can we be FitBit friends? ;)

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