Once I had a love and it was a gas. Soon turned out, had a heart of glass.

I left my house yesterday morning at approximately 9:45 to make it to my 10:45 appointment with the heart guy. At 9:53, a police offer pulled out of a subdivision to follow me with his lights on. Because there was no lane in which to pull over yet a gas station was less than a block away, I drove to the gas station. As I drove to the station (about a 20 second drive), the police officer turned on his siren to let everyone in the neighborhood know that the woman in the Hyundai Sonata was raising some law breaking hell.

Officer: I pulled you over because you were going 48 in a 35, and I’m also charging you with failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.

Me: I’m so sorry. I didn’t see an emergency vehicle!

Officer: The emergency vehicle is me. When an officer has his lights on, you need to pull over immediately.

Me (to myself): But there was no place to pull over, and the QT is right here! We all stayed safe this way!

Me (out loud): Yikes. Sorry.

Please know that I have never received a speeding ticket. Ever. I once received a warning for pulling out of a (frozen yogurt joint) parking lot without my headlights on. I once received a ticket for parking on the wrong side of a residential street. BUT, never a speeding ticket.

SO, anyway. He decided to let me off with a warning on the whole “You drove to QT” thing, but the speeding? I wasn’t charming enough to get out of that. (Because I was speeding. And listening to Fiona Apple. But not texting. Perhaps singing.)

From the QT parking lot, I drove to the doctor’s office, where my strips were pulled and read.

Doctor: I think it’s safe to tell you that you’re going to live.

Me: Best news ever. Any idea what I should do to prevent the flutters?

Doctor: It might be related to caffeine. It might be related to hormones. It might be related to stress. We know PVCs exist, but we don’t really know why. If they start up again and they’re driving you crazy, I’ll give you a prescription for a beta blocker. Please know that there’s a good chance that the beta blocker won’t work.

Me: I’m good with maybes.

In about an hour, I’ll be getting an echocardiogram to make sure my heart is shaped like a fist and not like the hearts you see in cartoons. If all goes well (and it will, because it will), I’ll be rushing home (while not exceeding the speed limit, obviously) because I need to clean up a bit for the dozen Girl Scouts who are coming over this evening to listen to me talk about energy conservation. (I take lots of naps, which means I’m a bit of an expert on this topic.)

Anyway, when I’m done telling them that they should turn out the lights when they leave a room, I’ll show them how to make a candle out of a jar and some olive oil.


When they leave? I’ll crash on the couch with my current no-brain knitting project.


(A big huge thank you goes out to everyone who took the time to comment on my most recent post. I love hearing that nearly every single one of us deals with weird flutters and palpitations. Cheers for empathy!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

12 thoughts on “Once I had a love and it was a gas. Soon turned out, had a heart of glass.”

  1. Glad your heart works! And as the wife of a police officer, thanks for getting someplace safe for him to pull you over and sorry he had a bug in his bonnet about it. We just had a talk with our kids about doing the right thing even if it means getting in trouble (which will make it feel like you’ve done the wrong thing). So, good example. Except the speeding thing.

    I would like to give Fiona Apple some hot chocolate with little marshmallows and a Christmas special. She always looks like she needs a little cheering up.

  2. I was taught to put on my flashers, slow down, and drive to the next safe place to pull over. It doesn’t make sense to block traffic and park in a dangerous way! I think if he had ticketed you for failure to yield you could have fought it.

  3. Hooray for continued aliveliness!

    Regarding your lawbreaking ways: I remember my Dad doing the same thing once when I was a kid. The police officer thanked him for not stopping on the side of the road, because it meant he didn’t have to stand in the path of traffic. In conclusion, I would’ve done the same.

  4. I’m late to the I-get-heart-flutters-too party . . . but I do. And I learned something interesting yesterday that I thought I’d share because maybe it will be useful to you? Do I remember correctly that you also get migraines? (If I’m wrong about that, then disregard everything else that I have to say here). I get migraines, and have started recently getting auras without headaches (which are MUCH preferable to auras with headaches, but are a little weird when they happen). I was googling a bit yesterday to see if I should be concerned about this , since it is a change (I conclude, no – I’m just getting old (41)). But this article ( http://ccjm.org/content/72/6/529.full.pdf ) also had a fascinating nugget: “The vascular system in general is much
    more reactive in patients with migraines.
    They have vasomotor instability and are more
    prone to conditions such as Raynaud disease,
    livedo reticularis, vasomotor rhinitis, cardiac
    arrhythmias, syncope, urticaria, and flushing.”

    I have both Raynaud’s disease and cardiac arrhythmias, but no one had ever told be before that all of these things are related!

    Anyway, don’t know if that is useful to you, but I found it SO interesting for myself that I wanted to share.

    (And I would have done exactly the same as you with the cop!)

  5. I *just* stopped drinking coffee THIS WEEK because of weird heart attack-y feelings!! I’ve been caught up at daughter’s school, so didn’t see your post.

    Glad you’re okay and for me, I’m just thinking it’s age and some other symptom of peri-menopause. Or whatever. Dammit.

  6. I went around with those weird flutters and sort of shortness of breath for years, PARTICULARLY around the holidays for some reason. Turned out to be anxiety and I wasn’t even consciously aware I was anxious until a therapist pointed it out. Paxil has made a huge difference!

  7. How is that a no brain knitting project? There’s cable looking patterns in that.

    Seriously so glad to hear all is well. You just have wings on your heart is all.

  8. I don’t know whether someone mentioned this previously, but for me, anemia (or near-anemia) is one cause of heart arrhythmia. When I bump up my iron intake (over the counter supplements and green leafies), it goes away. GOOD LUCK.

  9. I’ve always heard you’re supposed to slow down, turn on your flashers, and go to the safest place to stop.

    I’ve also heard that if it’s in a secluded area, you should call the local police to let them know you’re being pulled over, in case it turns out to be a crazy person trying to kill you or something. Of course, that came from my aunt in an email forward, so grain of salt…

  10. Whew, on the heart outcome. (And I just love the comment about you having wings on your heart — so perfect :-) )

    And yes, you absoLUTEly did the right thing wrt pulling over safely. Mr. BighshotCop probably knew it too and was just trying to intimidate poor little old speedster you. Don’t think I’ve ever had a speeding ticket either (which is not at ALL the same as claiming I have never exceeded the speed limit!) Rolling stop once (debatable, but he was very nice about it and I’ve certainly been mindful to come to a complete stop ever since) But the thing is, you feel so yuckky after something like that happens. Surprised your twitchy little heart didn’t start tap dancing again right there on the spot.

    Olive oil and wick in a jar, eh? Googling as we speak!

  11. Cindy mentioned it first, but I was going to anyway so I will: How do you call that a “no-brain” knitting project? Seriously. Happy about your heart and all that, sorry about the speeding ticket, but HOW is that “no-brain” knitting? I’d give myself heart flutters with trying to backtrack and pick up dropped (or backwards) stitches in that. You’re yanking my chain, aren’t you?

    Still, it’s a beautiful piece of work. And so are you. Especially the heart part.

  12. Hoping all will be alright with the flutters. Man that candle is lovely. I wish I had something witty to say except leaving good wishes.

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