Because I spend entirely too much time on Facebook, this week I made one of my smartest Facebook moves yet. (I’m making moves! On Facebook! Just watch me change the world!) Anyway, I visited the pages of each and every one of my friends and then asked myself the following question:
Does this person lift people up or tear people down?
If said person is mostly a lifter upper? They’re still in!
All tearer downers? Not unfriended, but no longer invited to hang their stuff on my wall.
After reading an article that Tempe sent this morning titled “The Rise of Victimhood Culture” I have determined that I mostly chill out in a dignity culture (as opposed to an honor culture). When aggrieved, I exercise covert avoidance, quietly cutting off relations without any confrontation. Some people may see my ghosting as a shitty way to handle relationships, but it has served me well over the years. Peaceful detoxification? Just as necessary as colonoscopies and flossing!
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those who lift. The world needs more people like you.
Last week I finished my 2015 cardigan. It fits better than any cardigan I’ve made, which can only mean that I’m finally getting to know myself better.
16 thoughts on “Cleaning House and a Mention of Milestones”
When I was seeing a therapist several years back to sort through grad school and friend drama, I told her that I thought my usual pattern was unhealthily passive aggressive and she suggested that I reconsider my pattern of walking away from uncomfortable situations as a perfectly decent coping mechanism. Sometimes you’ve go to know when to hold’em and know when to ghost’em.
And I have a bag of this year’s honey crisp from the farmers market in the fridge! It is unfortunately too warm for cardigans here yet, but I live in anticipation.
What a lovely cardigan! I thought of you this week ae I enjoyed my first Honeydew of the season (not a Sweetango bit still tasty).
I like the idea of looking for those who lift up. I had a friend years ago (pre-Facebook) who, although good in many ways, was such a downer that after a weekend spent with her, I had turned 100% Pollyanna, and that’s really not my norm! Actually, trying to be one who lifts up is also a good goal.
A big hoorah for the lifter uppers! And you’re one of the best of them…gratitude to you for sharing what’s in that crazy beautiful mind of yours through your words and pictures and drawings and occasional videos (among others) of marshmallows being stuffed into your pie hole…happy 14th fluidpudding!
I hope I lift you up even just half as much as you uplift me! Although I don’t post on FB anymore, and I deactivate my account more often than I’m actually on it (my fake attempts at Leaving Facebook For Good I’m Serious This Time People Are Just So Darned Mean!), I hope you still find me uplifting. While I’ve thought often about Unfriending all those who bring me down with (what I perceive as) their lack of compassion and kindness, I realized that (1) I’d have a grand total of like five FB friends and (2) I should try to be open minded in case I’m not always right. However, how can I be open minded when I completely disagree with them?! It’s my conundrum. You’re wise to just Unfollow them.
Lovely! I just got a spinning wheel last week. Slowly getting the hang of it. It is harder than it looks! The sweater looks great on you.
Your cardigan is lovely! Good work! I would like to make one for myself someday.
Also, thank you for your good attitude and happy outlook through the years. You set a nice example for someone like me that tends to want to burn bridges.
I saw Sweet Tango apples today-but I didn’t have my phone. So I’m sending you an uplifting mental photo of deliciousness!
Beautiful sweater. You also have a lovely neck — I’ve meant to tell you that before but always forget. Anyway, it’s beautiful, too.
As for avoiding those who bring us down, I’ve found the worst offenders are all relatives — close relatives, or their adult children. So, instead of addressing it head on I just set Facebook so I don’t ever have to see anything they write, but they don’t have to know I’ve done that. I’ve found family gatherings are much more pleasant if I haven’t said to nearly everyone in the room, “You are really a mean, nasty person, please go away.” We stay away as much as we can, but there are some family things that are just impossible to avoid.
I’m going to Apple Hill in a week or so. That always makes me smile.
This is such a good reminder, to hide the non-uplifters and to be a lifter upper. Thank you!
Also, 14 is my favorite number too.
I did a similar thing recently w/ Facebook, except I did drop the hammer and unfriend quite a few. I did it with the intention of hopefully posting some baby pics soon, but something tells me I might just need to keep those private. Anyway, off topic, but good for you. Let’s continue to life each other up.
I love this post. I love that when I email you, you mostly email me back. We are instagram friends, but have never made it to facebook. In January, I deleted my Facebook account, created a new email and a new fscebook page. I lost about 100 friends and couldn’t be happier. Good job.
I just read the Atlantic article and found it very interesting. Thanks for pointing it out! Sending you a high five from one covert avoider to another.
I’m very glad I found your blog. Happy bogiversary!
I’m sure you know I meant blogiversary, though if you have a bog in your life that is also important enough to mark it’s inception yearly, happy bogiversary too!
My mother has a spinning wheel that was used by my great-grandmother. She is calling it a dust-catcher and has told me that she is getting rid of it. I thought of you. I thought of yarn. I thought of where I would put a spinning wheel and if I am capable of learning how to do that. My great-grandmother’s spinning wheel! If only I knew how to use such a thing. Or how to knit. Or dust.
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