List of Middle-Age White Lady Accomplishments, July 1 to July 12

1. I ordered and received my calendar for 2018-2019 school year. I transcribed all school events, birthdays, and appointments into the new calendar with bright red ink from Japan. I messed up/scratched out more than 10 times, which led me to consider ordering a new calendar, but then I remembered that Only God Is Perfect. I forgave myself.


2. I went to the mall with no intention of buying Big Girl Makeup. I moseyed into the Bare Minerals store to see what was going on, and suddenly I found myself on a chair and Gabby was swirling and buffing and for the first time in a long time I felt like I looked good. SO, I bought the Big Girl Makeup (Big Girl Makeup = Any sort of makeup that cannot be purchased at a drug store).


3. I attended my second “wear a swimsuit” event of the summer without owning a swimsuit. I sat on the edge of the pool in jeans and tried to figure out when I last owned a swimsuit. Answer = Five years ago. I came home from the event and found this swimsuit on Amazon. I quickly lamented the fact that the only designs available in my size were horizontally striped. Ah! But I then said “fuck it” and hit the Buy It Now! button. (I tend to curse the worst of my curses when it’s swimsuit time.) (Bonus Info: The swimsuit actually fits, because somewhere in my youth or childhood I must have done something good.)


4. I learned that I also curse the worst of my curses while finding the balance between my age and my style. A few weeks back I got a haircut that removed half of the fake black color that I tend to apply monthly. I considered stopping on the way home to purchase yet another bottle of the fake black color, but it was hot outside and I had work to do, so I said “fuck it” and I’m now one of those salt and pepper people.

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5. The girls let me accompany them to all of their summer medical and dental appointments and the only time they felt embarrassed was when I started making friends with the paper towel dispensers.


Paper Towel Dispenser: It’s killing me that I can’t ask you to dance.

Me: I would love to dance with you, but I’ll have to wait for the neurologist to leave the room. I’m not sure he would approve, and I don’t feel like having that conversation with him.

Paper Towel Dispenser: These are curious times, indeed. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

10 thoughts on “List of Middle-Age White Lady Accomplishments, July 1 to July 12”

  1. *Love* the new swimsuit…I think I need one similar….

    Side note: at work I saw a young lady (early twenties) dye her long lovely locks to a shade of grey that many women are dying to get away from. Odd. I like the “salt ‘n’ peppa”…now you can sing!

  2. Think about this: Viral colorwash shampoo, available on Amazon. I have been using it this summer to turn the (completely natural) gray-white streaks in my hair faintly turquoise. Fun!

  3. That’s a great suit! I got a very similar one from Lands End this year. I’m getting close to saying “yes” to salt and pepper hair, too.

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