Why I May Not Be Eligible for Supreme Court Justicehood, Part 1

1. A few months back, I accidentally squirted this into my daughter’s eye, and then I laughed so hard that I doubled over and did the loud wheezy thing I tend to do when something kills me figuratively.


2. I own glitter pants, and I’ve never been to law school.


3. I once took the ACT for someone after being bribed with an amazing week in New York. Because I scored noticeably higher than her previous attempts, she was kicked out of the university and I stress-drank a stout while underage.

4. I made out with Harry S. Truman while I was on my honeymoon.

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5. I’m not always Angela. Sometimes I’m Zach the Bearded Dorito-Breathed Paranoid Poet.


6. I looked at the sun during the eclipse.

7. I love Jesus and I dig his birthday, but I toyed with the idea of making this our Christmas card last year.


8. I can’t control myself during meetings, and it may be because my anxiety meds need an adjustment. Notice how I said anxiety MEDS. That’s right. Plural.


9. I gave my daughter these socks.


10. So many skeletons in my closet. And I’m not afraid to make out with them.

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3 thoughts on “Why I May Not Be Eligible for Supreme Court Justicehood, Part 1”

  1. Number 10 once again proves that you are indeed the coolest Mom that came out of our high school…if not the coolest mom EVER.

  2. The world needs more people to wear glitter pants and pom poms!

    I love those socks, you are the coolest mom. Personally I have never squirted hemp oil into anyone’s eye but at Uni I did manage a master shot of juice into my neighbours whilst I was peeling an orange.

  3. I want those socks.

    I’ve thought lots of weird things during church meetings, especially at my old conservative church. Things are better now that I’m at a church where we love EVERYONE.

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