Lose It! just might have a crush on Goodreads.

Several months ago
My doctor: You should drop some weight. The Lose It! app can give you insight into your habits.

Me: I love Lose It! I lost 20 pounds with Lose It! a few years back.

Several months later, but more specifically, this morning
Lose It!: Tink, tink, tink! Hey! I’ve been thinking about you and all of the foods you love, so look what I made for you!

Screen Shot 2019-03-20 at 7.56.00 AM

Me: Wait. That can’t be right.

Lose It!: Mokokoma Mokhonoana once said, “While facts do kill ignorance, ignoring facts does not kill them.”

Me: Okay.

Lose It!: Edith Wharton once said, “Genius is of small use to a woman who does not know how to do her hair!”

Me: What?

Lose It!: Heather O’Neill once said that you are often only an ethical question away from being a prostitute. She also said that if we all knew that we were all perverts, we might all be a lot happier.

Lose It!: Madame Bovary wanted to die, but she also wanted to live in Paris.

Lose It: You loved it when the guy in the Family Fang said, “Right now, right this very minute, I’m sitting on my childhood bed, drinking Percocet-laced orange soda out of a straw that I’m holding in the gap where my tooth used to be, before it got shattered by a potato.”

5 thoughts on “Lose It! just might have a crush on Goodreads.”

  1. This was hilarious. That quote about hair though. Are we supposed to know how to do our hair? What have I been missing all these years? Went to work one day, couldn’t remember if I’d brushed my hair, looked in the mirror, couldn’t tell the difference. And okay, the banana length was funny, but I have to ask and expose my ignorance: what’s rock sugar?

  2. Read this at work quickly … I got worried & resolved to ask if you were ok. Re read it at home phew “lose it” is an “app” your not having conversations with yourself from the part of yourself whose “ lost it”. That last one was made up. Right?

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