I would encourage you to drink and dress.

We have survived everything that life has offered us—the missed opportunities, the broken bones, the bad jobs, the mistakes, and the migraines. On Thursday evening, after surviving cheesecake and martinis, Tempe and I celebrated our fortitude with one of my favorite activities: Getting tipsy at the mall and trying on prom dresses.

This is one of the first dresses I tried, and it has a story to tell: Once upon a time, Julius Caesar wrapped his laurel leaf headgear around my waist and suddenly my chest looked like something that might inspire Bob Seger to write a song.

If I was invited to Adult Prom and maybe the theme was something like “Working On Our Night Moves in The House of Mirth” this next dress might be perfect. However, what you don’t know until I tell you right now is that I couldn’t get the damn thing to zip because I am NOT A JUNIOR-SIZED GIRL. One more thing: Check out the floor of the dressing room. I probably should have kept my shoes on.

I loved this blue dress because it had so many interesting layers. Like me. And the atmosphere. And lasagna. (I’m starting to dig the halter neck. I should maybe do some planks or something.)

…so then I took my turn. Oh, what a thing to have done. And it was all yellow.

I’ve heard way too many people (probably 4, which really is way too many) say, “When you try on your wedding dress, you’ll know it’s The One.” Okay. This blue dress with the sparkles and flowers and tiers (like a wedding cake, or a very sad person who can’t spell) made me think of Roxie Roker in The Jeffersons (She would have looked AMAZING in this dress.) and it was The One. It weighed something like 523 pounds and I HAD to try it on simply because it was the end of the night, and way too many people (probably 4, which really is way too many) have told me that the end of the night is the best time for lifting weights.

News: I am no longer growing out my hair. I wanted what I wanted and what I wanted was a haircut. Also: Welcome to the summer.

8 thoughts on “I would encourage you to drink and dress.”

  1. I once went for drinks and then to TRY ON FURS IN THE FUR SALON at Neiman Marcus at Plaza Frontenac and let me tell you: that is also a crazy hoot.

    Now, of course, I would never do such a thing.

  2. I, too, have had a ball with trying on CRAZY dresses. One time, though, I tried on crazy things at Target with friends and got stuck in a sailor dress. Still one of our best memories.

  3. Crikey, I hope you bought that yellow dress and are currently wearing it at all times. ??

  4. My fave was dress #1. And in the pic with the blue dress I thought you were doing a double finger point at your boob and was all “yes! Boob on, sister!” until I saw you were holding the loop up.

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