Fluid Pudding

Since we last spoke, I helped a bunch of adorable first graders make buttons (I helped only the adorable ones. I sent the not-so-adorable ones away.), I took a gaggle of girls out for pedicures and fondue, I talked about physical therapy vs. massage with my migraine doctor, I met up with a friend for dinner and the symphony (as a result, I now have a married girl crush on Stephen Hough), I dealt with the sparks of a migraine, I went to a school dinner, I deposited some PTO cash, I took the girls to the American Girl store so they could blast through some of their birthday gift cards, I celebrated Scout’s one year anniversary with us, I worked on freelance, and I shopped for retiring teacher gifts.

This afternoon I attended a Greek and Roman banquet at the middle school (I baked a cake this morning!), I volunteered for a bit at the elementary, and I nearly finished one of the front sides of my Acer. This evening is dinner with a friend. Tomorrow is the Australian barbecue at the middle school and This American Life Live with my mom. Friday is lunch and more volunteer time. On Saturday, I’ll be turning 42 and writing in my new tiny orange diary. Sometime between now and then I need to choose a pen. I have no complaints.

Final Hot Pants Update: I am still the exact same size as I was two weeks ago. It is now time to wash my Hot Pants and become a bit more realistic, mainly because a good friend whom I’ve never actually met just gave me an amazing deal on a few ModCloth dresses, and the dresses are a size smaller than what I normally wear. Such a challenge. (This same good friend is vegan, and she just shared some very valuable information with me: Nutter Butter Cookies are vegan. Yes! They are! I bought a package yesterday (I’ve been going vegan on Tuesdays), and every time I eat one I think about those dresses that are certainly not going to GROW in the wash.)

In 2010, my parents gave me a rose bush for my birthday. It was lovely and FILLED with roses. I replanted it, and because I probably did something incorrectly, last year it graced me with only one rose.

On Saturday, it looked like this.

It appears that one more rose may or may not pop up in the next few days. Perhaps I’ve been listening to too much Sarah McLachlan lately, but I’m still going to say it: I would rather have one beautiful rose than seven half-ass roses. (Didn’t Sarah McLachlan say that? Am I thinking of Enya again? REO Speedwagon?!)

Can I get away with wearing my Liesl sweater over a checked dress?!

I think it works, but I’m not nearly as good at this as I used to be. (Remind me to tell you about the blind date I went on with a police officer who really wanted to show me his bulletproof vest. And by “bulletproof vest,” I mean bulletproof vest!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

When I was in college, I would spend the summer months working in St. Louis for a company that tries to prevent people from collecting unemployment benefits. (It’s a long story. It never really matched up with my core values, and because I hate to compromise when it comes to Values, I eventually transferred over to switchboard operating which might sound like a demotion, but it sure didn’t feel like one because I was fed many more cupcakes and catered lunches as an operator than I was as a claim investigator. PLUS, the pay was exactly the same! Now! Back to our story!)

Because my summer months were often spent trying to lose the weight I had gained the year before in college, my lunch as a switchboard operator (when I wasn’t enjoying catering or cupcakes) normally consisted of Slim-Fast and strawberries. A few people rolled their eyes at me, and looking back I can see why: I was probably weighing in at 120 and desperately trying to get back to 107 before school started in the fall. In other words, I probably didn’t need to drop any weight, but it was A Thing. So, there I sat with my little can of diet drink and my fresh fruit trying to make conversation with the (seemingly depressed, mostly crabby) throngs of people who sucked down Chinese leftovers and tubes of Pringles. (I worked with over 300 people. I can name all of the pleasant ones in the time it would take you to say “You take my life when you take the means whereby I live.” (Shakespeare was sort of a stud, wasn’t he?))

I exited that company for the last time more than a dozen years ago, and in that dozen years I’ve signed on for MANY types of weight loss whims. I drank nothing but soup for weeks at a time. I took weight loss pills. I ate a bunch of grapefruit. I didn’t eat anything.

I have a number of tragic flaws. My inability to accept what I see in the mirror is probably my worst.

When one of my favorite people called a few weeks back to report that Groupon was offering Hot Pants for next to nothing, I was all over it. Supposedly, you can wear these things for two weeks, and you just might drop two pants sizes. (Some people say you need to wear them during exercise. Others say they did next to nothing and still dropped the inches. One woman actually reported losing four inches from each thigh and all she did was light gardening and housework, and that’s why you can’t believe everything you read on the internet!)

I’ve been wearing skirts for the past week. Do you want to know why?

I decided to take the Two Week Hot Pants Challenge, and I decided to do it slothfully. (I still have the boot for two more weeks, meaning I really can’t move around very much. This is not a bad thing. I don’t like moving around very much. Hot Pants!) The two week challenge involves wearing the pants all day and all night. The only time I’ve taken them off is to shower, and then I quickly put them back on again. Surprisingly, they don’t stink. (Believe me. I’m highly paranoid of being stinky.)

This is what I know: The Hot Pants make me sweat like crazy. I’m now drinking 64 ounces of water every day (at least), and all 64 ounces are dripping off of my hips, legs, and butt. I’m totally okay with that, because it feels like something is happening. (I just hope the something has nothing to do with an unfortunate infection brought on by sitting in puddles of my own sweat. I know! It’s nastiness! Hot Pants!)

After one week of wearing the pants, here are my results:

My hips are exactly the same size as they were one week ago.

My thighs are exactly the same size as they were one week ago.

The texture of my skin is the same as it was one week ago.

And, yes. Deep down I sort of knew that this would be the case. There is no such thing as a pair of pants that will change your shape as you sit on the couch eating kale chips. (So many kale chips!) I’ll take my measurements again at the end of the challenge, but I have a funny feeling I won’t be seeing any changes. Because I take less than 1,000 steps per day! (I’m not proud of that. Don’t think I’m proud of that.)

So, anyway. One week down, and one to go.

Sing it with me! Hot Pants!

(Wait! Don’t hit my comment box and go all nutty on how ridiculous I am! I know myself even better than you know me! That is a fact!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

A few months back, I received an e-mail asking if I was interested in reviewing a book for kids titled The Cupcake Club. The main character in the book is Meredith’s age and seems to share Meredith’s love of cupcakes. The main author of the book is the co-author of Soul Surfer. Meredith LOVED that movie. The “mean girl” in the book is NAMED Meredith. Too many coincidences. I couldn’t pass it up.

When I told Meredith about the book, she asked if SHE could review it. She read the advance copy in less than a day and gave me the following summary:

The Cupcake Club is about a girl named Kylie who has a drama teacher named Mrs. Valentine. Mrs. Valentine is Kylie’s favorite teacher. Mrs. V will be having twins and going away, and that makes Kylie really sad. When the new drama teacher arrives, they put on a play and Kylie thinks Meredith has done something to her hat because the pipe cleaners wouldn’t come off and when the show was over, the new drama teacher told Kylie to come backstage with her. She gave Kylie a red velvet cupcake and told her how when she was younger, her hair was the color of red velvet cupcakes, and now red velvet cupcakes are her favorite. She also tells Kylie that she was bullied in school, and that she started bringing in homemade cupcakes, and pretty soon the bullies weren’t important anymore, because everyone was loving the cupcakes she made and that motivated her to stay happy. Kylie decides to start up a cupcake club.

Kylie and her friend Lexi make a cupcake club with a few other girls. In the cupcake club, they bake cupcakes. On the first meeting, they made muffins that didn’t turn out very well because they didn’t follow the recipe correctly. The muffins were crunchy with eggshells. Eventually, they make cupcakes for a bakery and they bake a cupcake for the Golden Spoon Gourmet Grocery and the money goes toward the new EcoCenter.

In the end, it was field day, and in a tug of war game, Meredith fell down and lost her necklace. Everyone looked all over for it, and then Kylie found it! Kylie gave it to Meredith, and Meredith hugged her unexpectedly.

I loved this book because it has cupcakes in it, and I love cupcakes. It also teaches the lesson that you should like yourself for who you are and don’t be quick to not like other people.

When I told Meredith that she could actually interview the mother/daughter team who are writing the series together, she flipped out. We typed up her questions, we sent them off, and we received our answers from Carrie (the nine-year-old co-author of the book) the very next day.

Meredith: Did you actually prepare the recipes that appear in the book? Which one is your favorite?

Carrie: I made them with my recipe developer, Jessi Walter. My favorite is definitely the Maple Red Velvet cause I am an RV girl!

Meredith: How did you write the book together? Did you base the characters on people you know?

Carrie: I based the characters on my friends, teachers, family…A LOT! We write the book starting like this: We talk about it first. Then, my mom writes a first draft. She prints the whole story out and I have to read it and edit it. Once my mom has added in my changes, she prints it out again, then I edit it…we do this about 7 times in total.

Meredith: Will there be a second book? (I hope so!)

Carrie: YES! There will be at least 4 books! We just finished the second book: The Cupcake Club: Recipe For Trouble. It comes out in November!!!!!!!

Meredith: If there IS a second book, will Meredith and Kylie become friends? 

Carrie: Meredith is still in the picture–but Meredith doesn’t bully her anymore and Kylie learns to deal with her.

Meredith: Do you see Kylie and her friends opening a bakery when they get older? I hope so! And I hope you write a book about it!

Carrie: We don’t have that planned right now–they’re only in 5th grade in the second book. But it’s one of Kylie’s big dreams so great idea!

We’ve already marked our calendar to look for the second book in November! In the meantime, Meredith is definitely recommending The Cupcake Club to all of her friends, as well as anyone who knows a cupcake loving kid! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>