Jeff (working hard in his office, and trying not to sound annoyed at the fact that I’m interrupting his day at 9:00 in the morning): Editorial, this is Jeff.
Jeff: You got me!
Me: Listen. Please know that this is one of the hardest phone calls I’ve ever had to make. I’m about to ask you something, and it’s embarrassing. Humiliating. And know that I know that you’re working really hard over there.
Jeff: What’s up?
Me: I need you to tell me where the remote control is for the television.
Jeff (giving me the gift of Long Awkward Pause): Really?
Me: Yep. IJustPutSupperInTheCrockPot!!! So, I’ve got THAT going on!
Me: Um, yeah. I just don’t want you to think that I’m not doing anything over here. But, listen. Gilmore Girls starts in an hour, and I really can’t picture myself hitting that Channel Up button 36 times in order to get to ABC Family.
Me: Yeah, so. What’s up? How’s your day? Whoosh! It’s sort of busy over here what with the sour cream and the soup and all the stuff I just put in the pot. And now I’m going to maybe clean up the family room. And maybe I’ll fold some towels or something? After you tell me where the remote control is? I just keep on talking and talking, don’t I? La la la la la!
Jeff: I bet you find the remote control while you’re cleaning the family room.
Me: Jeff, if I have to hit that Channel Up button 36 times, I can’t promise that the repetitive motion won’t cause my crazy jerky hand to jump into the kitchen and unplug your dinner.
Jeff: I’ll take my chances.