Conversations with Jeff

Jeff: Today is the day I make chili. Italian Sausage Esquire Magazine Chili. The only ingredient we need is meat.

Me: Wouldn’t it be weird if we used Sidney?

Jeff: Yeah. That would be weird. Like, “Okay, Folks! The weather guy said it might snow today!” And because there’s a tiny chance that it could perhaps snow, the Puddings go all DEFCON-1 and make chili out of their cat.

Me: And then it doesn’t snow after all, so we pop open a bottle of Fresca and invite the neighbors over.

Jeff: “Hey! Guys! Yoo-Hoo! Hey you over there across the grass from our house over here! You wanna come over? Something is happening! We just made chili out of our CAT, for God’s sake! You gotta get over here and help us eat it!”

Me: “Hey! You thought you hated us because of our Obama bumper stickers?! Scratch that one! WE JUST MADE CHILI OUT OF OUR DAMN CAT!”

Jeff: “The kids LOVED that cat! Heya! Who’s bringing the oyster crackers?! Cat Chili! Ding-a-ding-a-ding!”

(Just so you know: We went to the store and purchased Italian sausage and Pancetta. Sidney is resting comfortably on the couch with no idea that we were planning on eating her for dinner.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

9 thoughts on “Conversations with Jeff”

  1. I love your humor. Although I am now divorced, I have to say my ex and I definitely shared a dark sense of humor and even today in our belief in Obama.

  2. Man, (or WO-man), I have run into some mighty cranky voters out there.
    If you want to make chili again next Saturday, call me on Friday. I’ll round up a couple of the younger, more tender crankies for your chili. Actually, I have three specific crankies in mind. You’ll still need the pancetta, but these folks are so HOT that you won’t need the chili powder!

  3. You never really know what is in sausages, though, right? Its probably just a cat by a different name. A cat you don’t know. You are probably better off with your home-grown organic Sidney. That’s eating healthy.

    Kidding of course, I love me some cat sausage. Wow, that wasn’t supposed to sound creepy. But it kind of did. Sorry about that.

  4. And then you could go all Little House on the Prairie and make kitty wool and some necklaces and voodoo charms out of her feet. Don’t be wasteful. You can get plenty more out of a kitty than just chili.

  5. What did you think of the chili? We had it tonight. We substituted turkey italian sausage for the beef. Justin deemed it “too much like soup.” I think it’ll be better after it sits in the fridge for awhile.

  6. I would come and eat cat chili just to listen to the witty banter…and I’d bring oyster crackers.

  7. I lurves me some sick humor!! Sounds like you have the same kind of warm fuzzies with your neighbors as we do with ours.

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