Because I’m nothing if not a scientist, I’ve been experimenting with deodorant lately.
- Hypothesis: Anti perspirants make me itch.
- Experiment: Apply Mitchum anti perspirant under arms.
- Results: Ow! Ow! Itchy! Hand me the Golden Grahams! I’m going to kill someone!
- Analyze Results: Itchy? Yes. The hypothesis is true.
- Report Results: Hey, you guys? Anti perspirant makes me itch.
I’ve found that the only deodorant that doesn’t make me itch is Tom’s. A few days back I ran out of the lavender scent, so I headed to the store. They, too, had run out of lavender, so I settled for Calendula. When I got home, Harper demanded that I let her smell the Calendula.
Harper: What is this?
Me: It’s Caligula. No! Wait. Calendula.
Harper: Meredith, smell this. It’s Mommy’s uvula.
Me: Calendula! HA HA HA HA!
Me (six hours later, telling Jeff the whole story, because that’s what I do): And then, and then, and then Harper told Meredith to come over and smell my uterus! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Jeff: I don’t get it.
Me: Wait! Uvula.