Which wert and art and evermore shall be!

One of my goals for the remainder of 2009 is to incorporate Wert into my vocabulary. Any advice would be appreciated.

On a similar note, I apparently created the word Morticum to replace Moratorium and have been using it incorrectly for at least a decade. No one has corrected me, and I’m mortified. Morticumified, even. With that said, I LIKE morticum. It has a Latin smell to it, no?

Confession: I slept through the first half of Up. It seems to be a nice movie, but I have no idea why the dogs speak, nor do I know why the bird’s name is Kevin. (I hope I didn’t just ruin the movie for anyone.)

This afternoon after I flashed Jeff (as I tend to do during the Strawberry Moon), he climbed (clombed? wert?) into the closet. He was looking for Murphy’s Oil Soap at the time, but still. Wait. It JUST occurred to me why one uses Murphy’s Oil Soap. Suddenly, I can barely type. (The laughter and all.)

About a month ago, a little girl in Meredith’s class pulled Meredith’s glasses off of her face and destroyed them. (I’m not exaggerating. We had to order new frames. Yeesh! Luckily, the frames were covered under warranty for three more weeks. Have I ever mentioned just how lucky we are? $200 lucky!) Anyway, all parents were notified and the little girl was actually sent to a counselor which sort of boggled my mind, but who am I? A few weeks after the Incident, I met the girl’s mom, and she never even acknowledged The Breaking of The Glasses, and I wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but I knew better than to bring it up, because, come on. I hate confrontation, and I’m not living in a world where My Kid Is Perfect, and I know it takes two to fight (although Meredith still swears the entire scene was unprovoked). So, the mom talked to me for about two minutes (You’re Meredith’s mom, right?) and then handed me an invitation to the girl’s birthday party. (It’s a pool party, and I was encouraged to simply drop Meredith off at the pool, which is something I would never do at this age—especially since Meredith is not a particularly strong swimmer.) Anyway, I know that I tend to apologize to the point of annoyance when I feel like I or anyone in my family has done something to hurt or offend. I hate that I’m hesitant to send Meredith to the party because I’M feeling a bit miffed over the lack of recognition about the glasses thing. I know that I’m no better than anyone else out there. We’re all just trying to do our best, right? Ugh. I’m struggling with this one. (Meredith has stated that she doesn’t really want to go to the party, because the girl “can be mean sometimes.”) I’m holding grudges from when I was in the third grade. That, along with the wert thing, is something I definitely need to work on.

This morning at church, my thumb busted open (recent knitting injury involving a tiny crochet hook) and actually squirted blood onto my other thumb as we sang Holy, Holy, Holy. That, along with watching a fly buzzing around upside down on the floor last year, goes down as My Craziest Church Experience Ever. (Sadly, as the fly buzzed around on his backside, I found myself doing that ridiculous thing where I laugh so hard that I’m crying and my face is all contorted, and I begin to pray for a morticum on buzzing flies.)

(I’ve been encouraged to remind you that only a few more days remain for both the Snapfish giveaway and the Max Factor giveaway.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

24 thoughts on “Which wert and art and evermore shall be!”

  1. If it makes you feel better, I registered over voicemail for a consortium at work by calling it, as I always had, a con-sort-ium. My husband listened and laughed and when I was all done, told me it was pronounce con-sor-shium. There it sat though, an idiot on a voicemail message to be heard in the future by someone certain to think I was not qualified to attend something so grown-up sounding as a consortium. The only thing worse than feeling like a fool now is knowing you are going to be a fool in the future in a room you aren’t even in. These are the things I do for a free meal.

  2. I am going to throw in my two cents regarding the pool party and all. #1, I too, would be totally miffed about the glasses thing… I know, kids will be kids and all, but come on. #2, MC is just going into the first grade this year, right? There is no way in hell would I EVER just drop my child off to a pool party… don’t feel guilty about it …. I think it is appropriate for the parents to go along to the party at this age, especially a pool party.

    My husband had pronounced “chest of drawers”… “chester drawers” … for a good 25 years, until I caught him saying it … then I couldn’t stop laughing.

  3. Nope. Not a party dropper offer am I when I have not at least shared a diet coke, glass of wine or a snide remark with the hosting moppet’s mommy.

    The glasses incident sounds like it was the straw that tipped that little camel into therapy – I’d send a gift but not my child. Maybe next year.

  4. Okay. . . I cannot remain silent on this one. . . I would be a little bit ticked abut the glasses. I mean, she should have AT LEAST called and said, “I’m really sorry, can we replace the glasses?” Not like she wasn’t informed! Secondly, don’t make Meredith go to the party. She’s uncomfortable and do you really want her to strike up a friendship with this girl? Granted, this girl may really need some friends, but poolside is not the place to discover if she can really be mean. And lastly, let me quote an-ahem- wise sage of relationship delecacies on the subject of dropping of my kid at a pool party at that age: ” Uhm, that would be a hell to the no!”

    Just remember, I said it all in love. Really.

  5. well, I don’t know what a pool party is because I live in England and the weather is too damn changeable to be able to PLAN to go out in outdoor water IN ADVANCE, but I’d say that the woman was just trying to be nice, and didn’t want to make a big thing, and I wouldn’t be too bothered by it.

    To put this into context for you this week we had to take Eldest to the opticians because Littlest had broken her glasses during a sibling argument about a flip-flop. I didn’t send Littlest to counselling, and I sure didn’t apologise to myself. Though I might have offered myself a glass of wine, and said thank you, don’t mention it, my children have been brought up terribly badly too.

  6. Coffee Lady may have a point. Perhaps the birthday invitation WAS the apology, so to speak. Clearly the kids aren’t best buddies. The mom may have been “mortificied” (!) and figured the invite was the way to make up for the optical destruction. Meredith doesn’t have to go, you simply say that you’re sorry, but you checked your calendar and you already have plans that day, hope you have a great day, etc. and leave it at that.

    She should have at least discussed the event, but she didn’t and who knows why? There could be multiple reasons. Sometimes people who come across like she did are dealing with a lot of other stuff and are just embarassed or overwhelmed. Sometimes they’re just jerks. No way to know for sure which camp she’s in from what you have told us. That said, I’d probably be thinking like you are, but have been in a pickle enough times myself to know that there are often a variety of reasons why people behave the way they do. That doesn’t justify it, it just lets us move on.

  7. Commenter #7 says it well. And I concur. (I looked up “concur” to be sure.) Snort!

  8. Years ago my mother decided “kiosk” should be “kietzel” so that’s what we call them now. It wert a good thing, declaring a morticum on the word “kiosk”.

    Oh, and I would totally keep Meredith home from that party.

  9. I agree with a lot of what has already been said, but my main reason for keeping Meredith home from the party would be that she specifically said she didn’t really want to go. Forcing kids to go to things they do not wish to attend creates grown ups who don’t know how to politely say “no” to things they don’t wish to attend.

    I would RSVP with a polite, “We appreciate the invitation, but Meredith won’t be able to attend. We hope you have a great party.” Leave it at that.

  10. Do NOT send M to this girl’s party. You’ll feel even more resentful having to buy her a present having no acknowledgment for the glasses.

    Speaking of glasses, my kids pretty much go through a pair every few months so I’ve gotten good at finding the cheapest online glasses. They are so cheap I just bought spare pairs for both of them because I know the time is coming soon (soccer ball to the head and some kid on the bus were the last incidents a few months ago). So here I bestow you with the info I’ve found:


  11. I got a weird feeling when you said that someone broke Meredith’s classes, because the same thing happened to me in 4th grade! My situation was different, though, because mine were broken by a kid with autism. He and the rest of his special education class were part of my class, from time to time, and one day he just walked up to me, pulled my glasses off my face, and twisted them in half! I was startled, to say the least.

    I think it was explained to me that he just ‘had a thing for glasses,’ but I think maybe he just thought I looked better without them. If I recall correctly, the school paid to have the glasses replaced, and I got to leave class in the middle of the day to buy glasses with the principal of our school. A very exciting time.

    Anyway, about Meredith: I agree with commenter #10, I wouldn’t send her to the party, simply because she said she didn’t want to go, and doesn’t seem to get along with the girl. I don’t have any kids, though, so I’m not sure my opinion counts for much. ;)

  12. Yeah, in this case, I’d say just distance yourself from the family, and leave it at that. No muss, no fuss, and I’d CERTAINLY not send a gift.

  13. No, no, you people have it all wrong! Drop Meredith at the pool party, give her specific instructions about holding horrible vicious child’s head under water & then swan in to collect her, say nary a word about the frantic father trying to do CPR, and swan back out again. Karma, I’d call it. And Em, as far as I know, it’s pronounced ‘con saw tee em’. That, however, is the english style pronunciation, from Cambridge University Press. Dictionary .com gives it that other, fancy schmancy one. You go with wert makes you comfortable!

  14. Maybe I’m dumb, but what is it that Murphy’s Oil Soap is used for that would make you laugh so hard? It’s not just for washing floors?

  15. This entire post is so quick witted and hilarious. I cannot stop laughing and I really needed to laugh. Thank you!

  16. No to the party fer shure. I don’t like the Mom’s approach and Meredith doesn’t want to go, ‘nuf said.

    Also – just drop your child off at a pool party at Meredith’s age? Um, as one of your readers so eloquently put it, “Hell to tha no.” Not enough is known about that family, and what I do know from your post, I don’t care for. Something’s not right there – it just feels wrong.

    But I lurve your sense of vocabulary. Preciousness! I also think a couple of the commenters used “wert” in a most lovely way.

  17. I always thought the phrase “case in point” was “case end point.” As in, “here is a case that supports my example. And now this case will end my point.”

    Also, “for all intents and purposes” was “for all intensive purposes.” Because I was really serious about what I was trying to say.

    These were my go-to phrases for several papers during my early college years. Thankfully, I was set straight by a Jazz History teacher who kept me from taking these gems with me to graduate school.

  18. #1) Steve Carell is the funniest man alive
    #2) Don’t send your daughter to the mean girl’s pool party
    #3) Slept thru the first half of UP? Wert WERE you thinking?

  19. I would just like to put my 2 cents in. My daughter and a friend had a somewhat similiar incident at school. My daughter was at fault, although it was an accident. We were still horrified. We went to the school to discuss and were advised by the school not to talk to the parents about it. They were concerned the parents might bring a lawsuit and you are not suppossed to have contact. They didn’t, the girls remained friends but we took her out of public school at the end of that year.

  20. My thought is to let Meredith decide. If she doesn’t want to celebrate the little girl’s birthday, then she shouldn’t have to go to the party. I don’t think I’d want to go to the party either, honestly. Not if some little skank ripped off and broke MY glasses.

    So yeah, if she said she doesn’t want to go, then she shouldn’t have to. Saves you from spending money on a present too ;) If it were my kid that broke your kid’s glasses, I would have offerred to help pay for a replacement. LEAST they could have done.

  21. Stop fretting about the birthday party. Meredith isn’t even keen on going, so what would be the point? We have to be nice to people, but we don’t have to be friends with everybody we meet.

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