Someone get these dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds out of my kitchen!

I know the exact weight I need to be in order for my jeans to fit.

In January, I discovered that I was fourteen pounds OVER that weight, and my jeans still fit. However, when I removed my jeans (in a completely wholesome way, in order to quickly change into my vanilla frog pajamas), I had bumpy dark red rings around my waist indicating that I was putting some real strain on the waistband of my pants. Sadly, those rings stuck around throughout the night and into the next morning, serving as a constant reminder that although 14 is one of my very favorite numbers (42 is another!), it doesn’t really reflect well on my mid-section. (And let’s not even talk (or think) about my butt! I’m not joking around right now!)

(Side note: I often wonder if I should be drinking more water. Why on earth are those jean rings still hanging out nearly twelve hours after I remove my pants? (Greetings to the people who are finding my website after Googling “remove my pants!” Pull up a chair! There is absolutely nothing for you to see here!) Also, every night I spend way too much time smoothing out my pillow, because I know that any crease that finds its way to my face during the night will still be visible when I pick the kids up from school at 3:30 the next afternoon. I have actually canceled trips to the grocery store because of embarrassing pillow creases. I look like Seal!)

Anyway, because I wasn’t thrilled with the decorative red and itchy jean rings, I decided to take 12 weeks to drop the 14 pounds. And this is important: I decided to do it without adding any sort of exercise. Because zero exercise + zero exercise = I get to stay on the couch and knit! You think I’m lazy! You are correct! Don’t ask me to high five you. It might make me palpitate!

Two weeks ago, I reached the 10 Pounds Gone mark. And despite the Upping of the Fiber and the Continual Slow Elimination of Processed Foods, I’ve been hovering at 10 Pounds Gone now for 15 days. Unacceptable.

Last night for the first time in probably a decade, I did step aerobics for 30 minutes. And, according to The People Who Figure This Stuff Out, I burned 190 calories. And then I sucked three gallons of sweat out of the carpet with our wet vac. Today? My legs feel like noodles. And, according to The People Who Do This Sort of Thing Regularly, I’m supposed to really dig the fact that my legs feel like noodles. But I don’t. In fact, I think it’s time for a crazy animal print hat, because I’m finding that my stride today is quite pimp-like.

To meet my original goal, I have three weeks to lose four pounds. Tonight I’m going to get my hair cut, which means roughly 1/20th of a pound will be left on the floor at my hair joint. When I get home, I might shave my legs. (We’re entering skirt season, you know.)

Every little bit helps. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

24 thoughts on “Someone get these dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds out of my kitchen!”

  1. My coworker and I were just discussing the value of a good evening on the couch. I like being a couch potato. I do not like exercise. However, I also do not like being overweight AND unhealthy (I can handle one or the other, but both really make me want to do SOMETHING about it).

    Since I’m also in the midst of stress eating central, I must get to the gym. *sigh* I will be doing 45 minutes of step tonight myself. And tomorrow at some point I will let Jillian kick my ass for 20 minutes. And I am also getting a haircut this week, which will help me lose maybe 1/10 of a pound. Woo.

    I feel your pain. Good luck on meeting your goal!

  2. You ought to read what the Face Goop girls are writing about drinking more water – otherwise, I’m here (on the couch) cheering you on!

  3. #1. I dated a guy who looked just like Seal but w/o the face crease things.
    #2. Exercise Sucks.

    That’s it – that’s all I have to say.

    Except I love you just the way you are. :)

  4. Good for you!!

    Perhaps I shouldn’t comment because I’m one of those there born-again exercisers. Not that I was really ever born BEFORE but anyway. About a year and a half ago, at age 44, I started getting serious about it.

    Now, to be honest, I still hate DOING it — I only love having done it. Past tense. But once I’m there, I push it to the limit, balls to the wall. And I embrace that noodly feeling. I love the sore muscles the next day.

    Mostly, I love feeling FIT and strong and flexible and balanced. I’m doing about 5-6 hours a week of hard core exercise – aerobics and weights. I can run 5 miles in an hour.

    Me! Hard to believe it.

    But it wasn’t that long ago that I did 10 minutes on the elliptical and thought I was going to DIE. I had to hold onto my husband when we walked out to the car. haha

    Look at me now! Try to keep up, will ya, FP??

    (Good luck – this stuff ain’t easy…)

  5. You crack me up…but I completely sympathize! Losing those last few pounds is really tough…I’m not a fan of the noodley legs either. Good luck!!

  6. Are you still doing WW? I went back today for the first time in over a year. I’m hopeful. And, I plan to do it with little to no exercise….here’s to wishing luck to us both!

  7. I dropped 30 pounds last January without any exercise. I am totally with you on the “jello legs? no thanks” tip. And what’s with everyone always thinking it’s a good idea to recommend Bikram to someone who doesn’t like working out? That crap is super hard. And the instructors are mean. It’s like being in the Marines, but inside a giant convection oven. And I’m the kind of person who, as as the instructor looks away, stops doing any work and will totally cheat through a work-out for which I paid through the teeth. I know, it makes a lot of sense.

  8. I was all about telling you how much I loved you until you got to the part where you gave in and exercised. Now I’m going to tell you to stop and get back to knitting. I use knitting as a weight loss device – can’t eat if I’m knitting. If only I could read while knitting – life would be perfect. Oh, and I’ll take those chocolate covered pom seeds. Didn’t know they made them and totally WANT. Of course, then my jeans will never fit again.

  9. Ugh…it’s always those last 4lbs. that sit around your abdomen making your jeans a source of torture. Although I’m being a hypocrite right now…because I haven’t been as committed as I should be, you should try the no carb, no sugar thing for a week it really works but then you have to watch adding them back into your diet too quickly or you will gain the weight back. Good luck!

  10. Angie, I just got this: at the checkout counter at Whole Foods (for $8, not $24 – I have no idea what’s up with that pricing), and it’s terrific! There are a ton of fish recipes and vegetarian main dishes, and a Cook’s Illustrated recipe has never let me down.

    I hate trying to count points and also cook family dinners, but new recipes always refresh me. (After I’m done chewing on my arm in lieu of leftover mac and cheese.)

  11. We’re almost exactly the same age and it’s just come to my attention that there are lines and creases and whatnot appearing. I went out and bought some “age-defying” products in a panic. And my efforts to lose weight recently have been limited to just knitting faster. I must be burning one or two calories, right?

  12. Dark Chocolate Covered Pomegranate Seeds are where it is at! I had never heard of them or knew that they even existed until you so generously gave me some. (Thanks, everyone LOVED them)

    While I have lotsa pounds to lose, I don’t fret about it near as much as I should. It’s a slow journey that will take much time and patience and even some set backs (like lunching and goodies from a dear friend, and the fact that I LOVE to cook). I’m willing to take my time though and do it right. Everything in moderation, right?

    I think that you look great as is. Congrats on the ten down!

  13. Wish I’d done what you were doing whilst those numbers still started with a ‘1’. Don’t let it get you down, those llbs drop off. Especially if you take your socks on at the next weigh-in.

  14. Definitely drink more water. Helps sort of flush everything out of your system, plus you retain less water weight — and might help with the pillow creases. But you’re doing great!

  15. Hilarious. I mean, I know you’re serious about taking off the weight but – the red rings around the waist?! I have absolutely no idea what you’re referring to! Vanilla frog pajamas? Mine have bears on them. I slip into them as soon as the sun goes down. And this, from someone who runs every day. It’s that goddamn Trader Joe! It’s his fault!
    Sorry you’ve hit a plateau. I usually up my running mileage when that happens (and sometimes wear a rubber suit). Maybe you should increase your knitting speed. I just looked it up for you and knitting burns 102 calories per hour. Oh, and stress is a really good fat burner. Good luck.

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