Despite my phone voice, I am Completely Sane and Decent.

As you know, the girls’ birthdays are this week. Because I tend to lack the organizational skills (and patience) necessary to throw a party, I told both Meredith and Harper that they may choose a friend, and we’ll take that friend to Build-a-Bear and out for lunch or dinner! Harper chose a friend from school, I asked the mom, she was cool with it, and there you go—my Wednesday morning is now filled with birthday fun from 9:30 through 12:30.

Meredith is a horse of a different color. Instead of going with one of her regular friends, she decided to choose a friend from a different class. A friend she had never mentioned before. “Mom,” she said, “Kaitlyn is a really good person.”

Me: Do you play with her at recess?

Meredith: Not really, but I *do* see her at Parent Pick Up.

I picked up the Buzz Book and decided to cold call Kaitlyn’s mom to tell her that we, as strangers, would love to come to their house and take their child to the mall. (Please know that I rehearsed my “Obviously, I would love for you to join us, as I know we’ve never met! Whatever makes you the most comfortable! Here is my credit information as well as a notarized form stating that I’ve never been arrested! IBreastfedBothBabiesAndWeDon’tWatchPorn!”) Anyway, their phone has been disconnected. SO, I asked Meredith to get Kaitlyn’s new number, and sadly, Meredith freaked out about not being able to carry a pencil to recess. SO, we made a fancy calling card for Meredith to give to Kaitlyn, and when she handed it over, she said something like, “If your mom calls my mom, naybe you can come to my birthday!” (I love that Meredith is still saying Naybe. Anyway.)

Kaitlyn has had our number for nearly a week and hasn’t called. (Meredith came up with the idea of going to her apartment and when the mom answers, we’ll extend our arms and say, “We come in PEACE.” Although it’s a lovely thought, I encouraged her to choose a different friend instead.)

Meredith: I really like Gabby!

Me: Who is Gabby?

Meredith: She’s in my Thursday class at the middle school!

Here we go again. Meredith does not know Gabby’s last name, nor does she know which elementary school Gabby attends. I called the middle school teacher and explained the situation. AND, because she is a saint, she actually called Gabby’s mom and told her what was going on, and supposedly the mom was totally cool with everything and quickly supplied both her home and cell phone number so we could reach her about the party. Hooray!

I called the home number on Saturday. No answer. I called the cell, and after five or so rings, it went into voice mail. I left a very long-winded message introducing myself and explaining that Meredith has chosen to take Gabby to Build-a-Bear with us, and that I wanted to extend the invitation to Gabby’s mom as well! In fact, I believe I said, “If you would rather meet us at the mall, I completely understand! After the girls build their bears, I was thinking of taking them to a nearby restaurant—and I’d be thrilled if you could join us!” Anyway, I actually surprised myself with just how SANE I sounded, because I tend to go all nutty when I’m leaving messages. (Seriously—ask my boss from ten years ago. She knows.)

It has been 48 hours, and I haven’t received a return call. And I’m taking it personally, because although I thought I sounded totally fine, I probably did not.

Full Disclosure: At Meredith’s insistance, I called back again yesterday. (I did not leave another message.) AND, because I’m starting to feel a bit worried that Meredith will be solo tripping the birthday experience, I bit the bullet and called back AGAIN this morning. (I did not leave another message.) I won’t be calling tomorrow.

It’s such a tricky thing, because for whatever reason, Meredith is choosing friends that I’ve never heard of. AND, when I asked why she isn’t choosing one of the regulars, she gets a bit teary-eyed. SO, I don’t really want to push it.

This gets easier, right? Yes?! Okay then!

Jeff's Head

I’m drinking lots of juice and diving into the Tropicana Juicy Rewards Program. (AND giving away a $50 Visa gift card!) You can follow along by following this link!

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23 thoughts on “Despite my phone voice, I am Completely Sane and Decent.”

  1. People are DREADFUL at RSVPs for kids events these days. We’ve had situations where we invited 9 kids, no RSVP, and NO ONE showed. Pretty sad for the kid.

    keep calling.

  2. I’m pouring one out for ya.
    And I’m praising you for the non-party option. My parents gave me a choice each year: special dinner out with them, or a party at our house. And almost every year I picked dinner, because, with four sisters, it was the only time I could eat as much shrimp as I wanted. I was a motivated kid, what can I say?

  3. Yikes… wonder what’s going on with Meredith? How rude are these parents — even if they did happen to think it was creepy that a total stranger was inviting them and their child out for a SUPER FUN outing, they could at least return your call out of parent solidarity. And I don’t think there’s anything creepy about it, BTW, I think it’s nice. Hope it all turns out okay.

  4. Hey girl! I go through this with Torie each year. I dread birthdays for her. With Aspergers she just has trouble making that connection with other kids. I would try to get out of MC what is going on. If not, you can’t help her learn how to combat it or how to learn to deal with it in a constructive manner. I walk a fine line between letting Torie learn to deal with things on her own, and trying to fix it all for her. At least talk to MC’s teacher to see if she has any clue what is going on with her.

  5. My own friends don’t call back to RSVP for stuff. I can’t imagine it’ll be any better when these friends start having kids. I hope everything’s OK with Meredith at school, and that she has a great birthday celebration!

  6. If someone cold called me and told me that her child had chosen one of my sons to go to Build-a-Bear and to lunch to celebrate a birthday, I would be flattered on his behalf and not at all creeped out. If I had never met you before, I would probably insist on coming along.

    You never know what people are going through, so keep calling. Maybe leave one more message.

    If it turns into just the two of you, maybe expand the celebration to include celebratory mani/pedis? And maybe throw in an “I love that I get you all to myself for a bit!”

    p.s. you’re a good mom.

  7. Not a good situation to be in. I also wonder what’s going on with Meredith. That would trigger me to ask a jillion questions to get to the bottom of it, but that’s also such a tricky subject/situation to be in/go through.

    I really feel for you. Wish I had words of wisdom, but I don’t.

    Does she have a cousin or someone that she could invite last minute?

  8. Och I wish I could step in and fix it, but that’s not the point. I am dreading planning a party this summer so I’m taking notes. :)

  9. What is WRONG with people? I invited a few friends over for Christmas Eve–my place is small and I wanted a fun party, so I really thought about who to invite. Half responded affirmatively right away, one couple hemmed and hawed, and one couple seemed to ignore my invitation completely. I get “I need to talk to wife/husband, can I call/email you tonight/tomorrow/Wednesday?” and I get “We have other plans, but thanks for thinking of us.” I do NOT at all understand radio silence to an invitation. For those of us who feel a little socially-challenged anyway, it creates such a dilemma–are they ignoring you because they think you’re a freak? Are you a freak? Are you the biggest, stalkeriest, freakiest freak ever now that you’ve both emailed and called? Will anyone ever want to be your friend? Should you just call it all off and crawl into your little shell with a frozen cheesecake?

  10. Oh, poor MC! I will come to Build a Bear! I am really fun!

    Why do you think the regular friends thing is a sad thing? That makes me sad. Are they being mean girls to her? I will come over and beat them up. And then we’ll all go to Build a Bear. The end!

  11. Oy, this stuff is so hard, it just breaks my heart for your kid/my kid/any kid. Call/email back people, get on it! I would have done exactly what you had done, but probably left a second message, I have zero shame.
    Is there a neighborhood friend you could invite? Or a cousin/family friend and then just tell Meredith that the other girls seem to have “other” plans BUT so and so REALLY is excited to come have fun with her?

  12. Ugh, how frustrating. Is it this Sat.? Do you see the girl/ mom this Thurs.? If so, approach her then. If not find another child, again. The kids in Mere’s regular class may be starting the click thing already. They start so young now with that crap. It always breaks my heart when my now 10 year old does not fit in. I will go as her friend if she wants and we will make some bad ass bears!!!

  13. YES. This gets easier. But it will suck until then.

    (Friday night my girl child spent the night with a friend we’d never heard of prior to the request for a sleepover being made. This was all arranged by the two girls themselves VIA TEXT MESSAGE and a quick, “put your mom on the phone because my mom wants to talk to her” to confirm. [If by “my mom” you mean “my dad” because it’s DH’s job to talk to other parents on the phone because I SUCK AT IT SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU DO, believe me.])

    But yeah. Up until recently? Story of my life.

  14. I hope this isn’t a clicky thing – I had a hard time fitting in when I was Meredith’s age and I didn’t feel like I fit in truly until – ok, I still don’t feel like I do completely but I still think I turned out pretty awesome and I still get nervous that no one will show up when I invite them out to the bar for my birthdays. (Most of them do, thank god…)

    Happy birthday to your girls and I hope they both have fantastic days! :)

  15. the family could be out of town or something. you never know.

    i hope she calls back.

    sounds like meredith may have been kicked out of the gang. it happens. OR perhaps, if she can only pick one girl, and she belongs to a tight group, all heck would break loose if she was thought to be liking one more than the others. she may be trying to be politically savvy.

  16. My 1st child had built in friends…somehow. So I’m woefully unprepared for the ‘cold calling’ of other friends that has snuck up on me with my youngest child. I must admit I’m a huge wimp at this, and you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. I’m hoping for everything to go smoothly for you!

  17. Oh, ick. Icky ick. It it’s not too late, I’d find out what the deal was with the regular friends and try and secure one of those. If Gabby’s mom calls back, don’t take the call! How’s that for mature advice? I feel your pain. I hope that helps. It’s like dating sometimes, only worse.

    On the bright side? It does actually get easier except no one can actually pinpoint when.

  18. Please update. Did she ever call back?

    I’ll be happy to speak to this gal about the relationship between social graces and the feelings of young children.

    Let me at her.

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