Something happened on the evening of September 10th (it’s part of the 83% I’ll never share), and my mind has been spinning with questions ever since.

41 days filled with questions! Shall we explore a few of them? Please feel free to attack many or none!

1. Mascara on the bottom lashes. Is this still a thing? I still do it, but I’m not sure I’m supposed to. (The only thing that has changed in my makeup routine since 1985: I no longer light my eyeliner ON FIRE before applying it.)

17. I’ve tried the washing machine cleaning beady things. I’ve tried vinegar. Why do our clothes still smell sort of sour? Our washing machine will be eleven years old in March. Is it time for a new one?

23. Why do so many people assume that Vegetarian = Enigmatic? Honestly. I don’t eat meat. I don’t care if you do. I really don’t. It’s not difficult for me to find something to eat, and I’m so much more than Bewildering Girl Who Eats Plants. (Side story: Jeff and I went to an amazing vegetarian restaurant on Saturday night. The people at the table next to ours were definitely not vegetarians, and they had a lot of questions. “I want the tacos, but I like chicken or beef in my tacos. WHAT DO YOUR TACOS TASTE LIKE?!” “I’m headed to the symphony in two hours. Since I don’t know what your tacos are made of, I need to know that they are not cooked with a bunch of alcohol.” “You don’t have diet soda?! And you’re telling me that real sugar is better for you than sugar substitute?!” “They have beet fries but they don’t have French fries?! What’s wrong with potatoes?!” (Nothing. Nothing is wrong with potatoes.) I’m all for questioning everything and arming yourself with information, but why go to a vegetarian restaurant if you’re going to raise your eyebrows at every single thing that comes out of the server’s mouth? Also, how many ways can he explain Vegan Cheese before you just smile and either give it a whirl or pass?) ((My line is always, “I’m a vegetarian, but I’m not a jerk about it.” I know. I’m starting to be a jerk about it. I’m starting to be a jerk about a lot of things. Just ask Meredith how I responded this morning when she told me that it was too cold to do her homework. Fact: When I’m not in the mood for excuses, I can bring everyone in the room to tears in less than two minutes. You have no idea.))

26. I’ve been doing a lot of research. I’ll spare you the details (because the details include the words Ovary and Really Shitty Pain), but please know that along with research (online and printed because I’m thorough!), I’ve spoken to quite a few people who have had hysterectomies, and they ALL claim that the hysterectomy changed their life for the better. I went to the doctor last week, and she said that instead of doing a hysterectomy, she would like to inject a chemical into my butt that will fake out my girl parts into thinking they’re in menopause. We’ll then have six months to see how menopause will be for me before I actually start menopause in the next decade. I’m not a doctor, so I feel really weird about questioning the plan. (Beet fries?! Are you kidding me?!) BUT, what if the menopausal effects are actually side effects of the drug? How will I know the difference? Does this even make sense? It’s all I can think about lately because: Pain! Burning! Urgency! Endometriosis! Crying! Too much time spent in bed with a hot water bottle! How many cups can I pee into before we know what’s going on? (So far? Three cups in three weeks. This morning’s was actually paper instead of plastic, which felt like such a refreshing switch-up. Does anyone else ever feel the urge to pee into the cup and then throw that cup against the wall like Mötley Crüe? I never do it, and I probably never will, but The Urge Exists, and I picture myself doing it every single time.) (I did a cut and paste for those Mötley Crüe umlauts. I am not a keyboard wizard.)

29. Let’s take a break and talk about happy things. This sandwich is my very favorite sandwich right now. Also, this is my favorite ink color. A few years ago, I won a contest that involved designing a Pringles can. (I know. Life is weird.) One of the prizes was an iPod Touch. Because I already had one, I gave it to Jeff. Anyway, my iPod touch (first generation, six years old) died last week while playing the Teen Beach Movie soundtrack for Harper. (I really wish it would have gone out on a higher note.) Because he’s a gem, Jeff cleared off the Pringles iPod and presented it to me last night. I then spent nearly an hour putting music I love onto the “new” iPod. It was the most fun I’ve had in weeks. (I no longer pretend to like every single Andrew Bird song, and how freeing is that?!) This morning I dropped the kids off at school and headed out to pee into a cup while listening to a shuffle of my very favorite songs. It felt like Christmas and beet fries. Beet fries! Imagine the possibilities!

31. A friend of mine wrote this. It’s perfect and it honestly explains what I go through every time I pick up the telephone or sit down to write an e-mail.

34. I just realized that I’m not really writing questions at all. Guess what? As I type this post, a doctor at a vet school is formulating a homemade diet plan for our poor itchy Henry. In less than two weeks, I’ll be cooking vegetarian meals for Jeff and I, meaty meals for the kids, and God knows what for the dogs. (I had to fill out a checklist of foods I’m not opposed to cooking for Henry. Venison was on the list, as was lamb. I love my dogs, but I couldn’t check those boxes. I checked millet. Lots of beans. Cow stuff. Bird stuff.)

38. I have carrot cake in the refrigerator. Vegetarians can eat cake! (And lots of it, Betty Crocker.)

41. You’re so pretty and patient. I can’t remember the last time I sat down and puked up over a thousand words. And here we are. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

27 thoughts on “Preguntas.”

  1. I have a suggestion for the sour laundry (#17 on your laundry list–haha). Ammonia–1 cup in your wash cycle might help. Also, leaving the lid open between loads sometimes helps. Good luck!

  2. you are SO NOT a jerk about being vegetarian. Frankly, I find all the gluten-free people way more offensive. And I don’t mean the actual Celiacs. I mean the fad-gluten-free people. seriously, have some bread. or don’t. but don’t turn it into a whole 30 questions situation.

  3. If your washing machine is a front-loader, and if you use liquid detergent, do me a favor: try switching to powder.

    Mine is, and I did, and I did, and NOW MY LIFE IS A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER.

    Caps intentional.

  4. Please update if any of the suggested washing machine tips work. I’ve tried vinegar, bleach, tea tree oil and I always leave the lid open between washes, nothing sits in there overnight (anymore). The washer still smells funky. Not my clothes (yet), but the washer. I did see on the lid of my washer that it says the input hose (or something like that?) should be changed every five years. The washer has been there since we moved in seven years ago, so I’m guessing maybe that’s it? But I also don’t know what that hose is, where it is, or how to change it and I still haven’t gotten around to it.

  5. I am a big believer in two odor-reducing substances: 1) Baking soda. 2) Borax. I don’t think baking soda would work here (better for absorbing odors dry, than doing anything in particular wet) so I would go with the Borax. I would run a full water hot load with just the borax, and then I would add the recommended amount of borax to any load (such as towels) that has more of a tendency toward sour-ness. I can’t say if it will work -but that, should you care to try it, is what I would do.

    Also – would it be unfairly pressure-ful to ask what you are knitting these days?

    I cannot wear mascara – it makes my eyes itch, and it gets on my glasses – so I do not know about current trends in application. What I do know is that I don’t really know anything about makeup, or its proper application – I just sort of slap something on in the morning that I think looks better than my bare face, and hope for the best.

    Finally – I’d just like to say that I’m glad you posted today. Thank you.

  6. Despite my fear of all things with eight legs; I leave the lid open on my washer and it seems to have helped the funky smell in there. (Although it wasn’t sour, so maybe that’s not the same thing.) I never put mascara on my lower lashes because I find that it smears less and looks more real if its only on the top ones. I’ve heard Lupron has some crazy side effects; take care.

  7. I’ll let others who have actual answers address your actual questions. But I have to comment on the aggressive jerks who go to vegetarian restaurants or read vegetarian recipes and behave like morons because they can’t get meat there.

    I’m not a vegetarian (I tried to be one 50 years ago, but I was too young and lazy to find food that suited that lifestyle in those days) but I often eat vegetarian meals. Because they’re good, and they’re healthy and because I like them. If I found something vegetarian I didn’t want to try, I would just simply skip it. Just like I do with something animal-based.

    But there are people who have made a crusade of going to vegetarian places and being anti-vegetarian. Equally bad are those people who don’t eat meat and get all up in your face if you do.

    Here’s a tip: If you read a recipe for Pork and Mushrooms, and you are a vegetarian, please stop asking the person what you can substitute for the pork. Likewise, if you don’t “do mushrooms” don’t ask the person who published the recipe what you can substitute for those. Figure it out yourself, or go someplace that has things you like.

    The rest of us don’t care what you eat or don’t eat. We do care that you are subjecting us to your rudeness wrapped in the cloak of ignorance.

  8. Thank you. You are so pretty and patient, too.

    I have never worn mascara on my lower lashes.

    My mind is trying to rewind to Sept. 10th.

  9. 1. Carmindy on What Not To Wear once said don’t put mascara on your bottom lashes unless at night. So I did not- and I did not like the look. Long live mascara on whatever lashes I choose!

    17. It makes sense, but still seems odd that the machines we use to clean other things get dirty.

    23. I wonder if dinosaurs had this much trouble. ;)

    26. Ow ow ow ow!

    29. Hooray for small things giving so much joy!

    31. Thank you for sharing that perspective.

    34. I was looking at a picture of Scout yesterday and thought how wonderful of you all to have such a great dog in your lives.

    38. My sister makes an amazing vegan carrot cake…that I am now craving.

    41. You are so thoughtful and articulate. I like reading your words.

  10. #43, yeesh and AMEN. As a former vegetarian (not vegan) now paleo (modified), can’t we all just get along and stop harassing our poor servers? I don’t eat bread or pasta, so you know what? If I ask for it without and my stuff comes with it anyway, I eat around it. If I go to a vegetarian restaurant, AND I DO, I don’t ask for meat like an asshole. I eat the stuff I eat and I don’t eat the stuff I don’t eat and yes, okay, I ask for my salad dressing on the side but that’s totally normal, shut up. In conclusion: martinis for everyone, as long as they’re made with potato vodka.

  11. Yes for mascara on the bottom lashes. I’ve made my feelings on your lady parts and the idea of Lupron for you clear, so there is no need to re-hash. I do want to add that if your gyno doesn’t want to do what you want done, or insists on giving you hormone injections you don’t want, that you go find another gyno. News flash: it is perfectly OK to fire a doctor. You (and/or your insurance company) are paying a pretty penny to give them your business, so it is OK to tell your doctor that you aren’t going to do what they suggest and go get another opinion. Especially in such a medical town like St Louis. In Key West, seeking a second opinion isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do. But in the Lou? PLENTY of options. Stepping off my soap box now.

  12. 1. I only put mascara on every third lash.

    2. I love carrot cake. It’s my favorite.

    3. Trader Joe’s opened here recently, and I think of you and that marvelous box of wonderment you sent me every time I go. And I remember that I never sent you the box of wonderment that I meant to send you in return, so I buy some salted caramel chocolates and eat them guiltily. (and with gusto)

    4. I don’t really wear mascara at all.

  13. The numbering got me all nervous, and I was already nervous/excited from the title because clearly I think that word means something it actually doesn’t, and now I’m exhausted. But I love you! And I sometimes wonder about the Christmas gift card Walgreens lady, you know, how she’s doing. I can’t imagine you being uppity about anything, particularly about your own personal eating habits. Meanies, those who think otherwise!

  14. My old Maytag front loader tended to smell like mildew, but the clothes didn’t. I would leave the door open and that helped some. I think the problem was that the watern ever drained completely, so there was always significant moisture in there for *stuff* to grow.

    Mascara? What’s that?

  15. Mascara: when I used mascara, I did bottom lashes, too, and I didn’t give a crap what anyone thought. Then the wand in my mascara broke and I never replaced it and that was in…um…2009. (I am not a regular makeup user, despite working in public, because I don’t give a crap.)

    Omnivores who are jerks make me mad. Vegetarians who are jerks make me mad. Please pass the beet fries. I want to try them.

  16. ” Fact: When I’m not in the mood for excuses, I can bring everyone in the room to tears in less than two minutes. You have no idea.”

    Love this statement!!! Sounds like me!

  17. Loved this longish post! I think you’re okay with the mascara, the Lupron sounds scary and I’m sorry about the painful girl parts, I get fed up with homework excuses and cause tears as well, and you should use’s stuff. I’ve ordered it twice over the years and it’s worked like a charm when nothing else has.

  18. Mascara both top & bottom. What have you got to lose? Worst case, you’ll look like Phyllis Diller and she was hilarious.

    Washing machine? We’re just about to celebrate the 20th birthday of ours, but, we leave the door open between loads so it can dry out properly.

    Gynae? One word: Mirena.

    Cake? Carrot *and* zucchini. Any nation that thinks pumpkin belongs in a pie should have no trouble with this.

    All those number-y things? You rock, Mrs Pudding.

  19. yes! someone told me just last week that mascara on bottom lashes is soooo last year. Or 1989, which is when I started wearing mascara because it’s when I left home and my mother didn’t like me wearing make-up on either bottom or upper lashes.

    Beets fries sound delicious. Menopause does not.

  20. Your amazing restaurant is 3 blocks from my house.

    Menopause is not deserving of the attention it receives – I also support Mirena.

    Beet fries are worthy of any and all attention.

  21. My hysterectomy was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Yes, it has it’s problems. My pain and misery that I experienced each month thanks to endometriosis was so much worse than what I deal with after the hysterectomy. I tried a combination of depo and lupron and ended up suicidal. Seriously suicidal.

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