You don’t have to put on the red light. (Unless you do. I don’t know your situation.)

Hello! It has been one hell of a group of nine days. Let me share them with you!

7/23 (Wednesday): We went to the bank and saw a bunch of really high numbers being thrown around. We signed a bunch of papers. I took a Xanax and started thinking a lot about prostitution along with other opportunities that wouldn’t necessarily interfere with my (currently fairly decent) freelance gig. HHhhhh. (And, no. I’m not going to sing songs about money. This is not the time, nor is it ever the place.)

7/24 (Thursday): I met a friend for lunch. During our visit, my mom took the girls to the mall. While at the mall, Mom fell down but managed to not spill her soda, so it didn’t seem very serious. HOWEVER, when you’re of a certain age and you fall down? It’s never really NOT serious. (I’m at that certain age. Please don’t think I’m calling my mother old. I’m nothing if not respectful at Fluid Pudding.)

7/25 (Friday): The only thing written on the calendar is Caramel. SO, it must have been a pretty good day. Actually, I remember most of that day was spent caulking and renewing some grout and cleaning up for our house inspection and making a caramel pie.

7/26 (Saturday): The House Inspection. It went from noon until two, and we were told to not be here. SO, Jeff took MC to an appointment, and Harper and I went to our favorite rescue agency’s adoption event where we fell in love with a cat named Uno. (It’s not yet time for another cat. Definitely not. With that said, I *just* got the call that Sid’s ashes are in, and I’ve bookmarked this as something to think about down the road.)

7/27 (Sunday): A friend told me that good things happen for our family because we emit goodness. She mentioned that people who live negatively tend to have a lot of negative experiences to sort of “solidify” the way they exist. It made complete sense, but also served as weird brain food for the next four days as some not so great stuff went down. (Please know that I know some really great people who have had a crappy year so far. I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend’s words.)

7/28 (Monday): Harper started horse camp, Meredith received her middle school schedule and was HORRIBLY disappointed (more on that later), and my mom snapped her rib while closing a drawer. Worst of all, she snapped the rib late at night, meaning we were at the ER until nearly 2:00 in the morning. BUT, while there, I remembered how much I LOVE the energy of a hospital. SO, it was a terrible night, but I’m now inspired to become a brain surgeon. (Or an administrative assistant.)

7/29 (Tuesday): Because Meredith was so upset about her schedule, I called the new school to ask why she didn’t get any of the classes she wanted. Bear with me: They said she didn’t get into the gifted program because they never received the paperwork from our current school. They said she didn’t get into Challenge Math because they never received her test scores from our current school. Personally, I know that our current school is on top of things, so I made three phone calls, and within three hours I was able to hand deliver all of the necessary forms to the new school. Meredith was immediately accepted into both the gifted program and the Challenge Math class. (If you’re in Challenge Math, you get to take Pre-Algebra in 7th grade. Meredith is in love with the idea of Pre-Algebra. I really lucked out in the kid department.)

7/30 (Wednesday): Ramona (our other cat, who is 6), has been sneezing and acting depressed. I took her in to the cat clinic where she was diagnosed with an infection. A few hours later, they called to tell me that I need to bring her back in right away, because her blood work indicated some kidney issues that require immediate attention. (I know. I know! Damnit. (You know it’s bad when I start cursing around here.)) They gave her IV fluids and antibiotics, and kept her overnight to the tune of many hundreds of dollars. As I fretted to Jeff (about prostitution, etc.), we received the inspection report on our current house. The inspector on Saturday was very thorough, and we were pretty shocked by the report. Long story short: We’ve got some stuff to fix. Some of it involves digging holes in the yard. Some of it involves electricity. None of it involves pre-algebra, unless pre-algebra has something to do with chimneys. (Strange but true: After reading the entire report, the thing that stood out as being the most important to me was the chimney thing. Not because of fires, but because of Santa. I need to live in a place where it’s Christmas every day and prostitution is just a funny word that has no meaning.)

7/31 (Today! Hello there!): It was Harper’s final day of horse camp, and she was able to ride Opie. (Opie was her favorite horse this week.) The vet called to say that Ramona still isn’t doing well, but he believes she’ll be more comfortable at home. (I picked her up after paying many more hundreds of dollars. She’ll have to go back early next week for more IV treatments and some more blood work. La la la la laaaaaah. “You know my mind is made up, so put away your makeup!”) Meredith had braces put on her bottom teeth. We’re putting Harper’s braces off for six months because I said so, that’s why.

Tomorrow will be our occupancy inspection, during which a man named Bob will come over and tell us the things that we absolutely must fix to make our house safe. After that, we’ll look at our budget and fix everything else that we can. Moving is so much harder than anyone thinks. Does Jon Stewart deal with this sort of stuff when he moves? Does Ira Glass? Do brain surgeons?

By the way, prostitution is never funny. It’s not! And I know that. And if I had the energy, I would try to insert some crisis hotline information right here. (Isn’t it sad that I already know someone is going to yell at me about prostitutes? I once got a really great curry recipe off of the internet. I also got a really spooky death threat that involved a trailer door and a baby head. It all evens out, mostly.)

Won’t you be glad when we get settled at the new house and I can invite you over for burritos and doughnuts? That’s going to be a really great day. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

18 thoughts on “You don’t have to put on the red light. (Unless you do. I don’t know your situation.)”

  1. My Meredith has “JUMPSTART” tomorrow for middle school, and will get her schedule then. Hopefully she’ll be as excited as your Meredith was with Schedule 2.0.

    Prayers for Ramona.

  2. You have so many wonderful things coming your way, hopefully that will dull the expense and hassle of the fixing. On the bright side, I can supplement that loss with a 3 day/week infant child care job offer! ;) j/k

  3. Blerg. I’m sorry you’re having a string of bad days. I hope Ramona feels better soon. Maybe she ate a bag of cocaine that you can sell after she poops. :(

  4. having gone through the braces the middle school and the home sale inspection and thousands of dollars for a variety of pet related issues, I feel like I really get where you’re coming from! And I want to give you hope that you will get through it and be really proud and still sort of sick to your stomach about all the work you did to get it done.

  5. My cat, with little warning, just threw up on me as I read about your cat issues. Solidarity! Meow.

  6. If you are ever bored at a dinner party (or irritated because all of the other couples look like they share one brain), ask how much money is too much money to spend in order to save a beloved pet. Dan and I range from $300 to $3000! How can we be stingy when our dog understands more English words than the 1st graders in our Sunday school class?

  7. Is a doughnut burrito the same thing as a churro? If so, I’ll have two. The next time I’m having a bad day, financially speaking, I’m going to wail “ROOOOOOXAAAAAAANE” to the skies.

  8. I am going to pretend I am focusing on the positive when the truth is, I didn’t read anything after Caramel Pie. Caramel Pie! There is such a thing as Caramel Pie??

  9. It’s a good thing you put doughnuts at the end or I probably would not have gotten past them.

  10. well crap. this is somehow all my fault. I found a tiny ray of sunshine and a tiny bit of luck and apparently sent you all my clous…. I would tell you to drink wine, but in your case, donuts and pie

  11. Home selling STINKS. If we lived nearby I would buy you powerfully refreshing drinks and make my husband tell you about the night I called him at midnight, sobbing hysterically, about the sump pump.

    Our apartment has no sump pump. I kinda love that.

    Hope your kitty is doing ok.

  12. Thank you for all the news. I was just thinking a couple of days ago about how busy you must be moving to the new place, but this is way more busy than that.

    All the hassle of packing and cleaning and repairing and inspections is why I have lived in the same house for 35 years. I just don’t have it in me to do all the things needed to make a move. So I’m having a fine time seeing the Pudding family on this exciting journey.

    Ramona gets to rest and watch the rest of you run around. She has to be ready for her own personal inspection of the new house, where she will reign as Queen. I’ll even curtsy to her when I come over for burritos and doughnuts.

  13. I think the thing about how good things happen to good people, etc., has to be applied on a long-term basis, not day-to-day. Bad stuff happens to everyone occasionally; but bad decisions make it happen a lot more often. ::climbs down from soapbox::

    I am glad we planned our remodel of this house so that we can live here until our brains are too soft for us to dress ourselves. Moving seems like living hell.

  14. OMG <–(as "they" say) After seeing references to it late last night, I was almost too terrified to come read this post. And now I am giggling so hard! I mean, not of course about your mom's rib, or Ramona's medical situation, or ALL THAT MONEY (!! Braces, vet bills, inspection-required pre-moving repairs..Aieeee!) but because of these commenters of yours. I tell ya…I started to copy things in to reference here (the child care offer, the possibility that Ramona will poop out a bag of cocaine…) but they just kept coming one right after another. And Grammy, I hear ya…same house for 36 years now and counting. I keep saying I want to spare our kids the eventual problem of dealing with all the crap, but do I actually *clean* those closets out? No, I do not! (yet)

    Angie, I know you know that a few months from now when you are putting holiday decorations up in your beautiful new nest, all this will seem like a distant nightmare. But right now? Well, I think I am going to have to visit my local pastry shop and consume a cronut in your honor today (not so much a fan of burritos, but a cronut I will gladly do for you!)

  15. Moving is ridiculously difficult, which is why I am terrified of trying sell the house I currently have to own even though I really kinda sorta do have to move at some point.

    Why do we fix all the problems in our houses, clean them, paint them, pretty them up and then LEAVE for a house with a whole new set of problems? It doesn’t make sense, I tell you! Except for that whole huge nicer neighborhood bigger house better school district closer to work closer to family pile of reasons that people tend move for, of course.

    I’m sorry about your cat and your mom. I hope the move gets easier. Also that Jon Stewart calls and asks to come visit you at your new house for burritos and doughnuts.

  16. Glad and hope your mom is alright after her injuries!
    Happy Meredith got into all the classes she wanted to.
    I really hope Ramona feels better very soon!
    And best of luck getting everything squared away at your current house.

  17. Just reading the words ‘caramel pie’ gave me diabetes. Thanks for that.

    We just moved into our new place yesterday after four months of trying sell the other house and commuting between two cities. We ended up finding the perfect tenant to rent the old house, since the market was and remains saturated. So saturated, in fact, that buyers can see a bird they don’t like singing in a tree on your property and demand removal of said wildlife as a contingency of their making an offer. Am I exaggerating? Not by a whole lot.

    On the other hand, both of our dogs are still alive and we don’t have kids who need braces or instruction in the mysteries of algebra. I’ll be sending all the good vibes I can spare your way. In the meantime, try focusing on the near future when you’ll all be in one house eating caramel pie with your bare hands like savages.

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