I once spent New Year’s Eve watching Rattle and Hum with my sister during a snowstorm.
I once spent it eating turkey with my hands on the roof of a rented house. (My whole body was on the roof. Sometimes sentences are tricky!)
I once spent it getting dumped. That sucked.
This year I spent it hanging out with a cheap pair of fake fingernails.
Purchased at Target because I knew I had nothing going on for the next twelve hours as Harper was going to a friend’s house and Meredith was sick, it didn’t take long to figure out that these nails were going to transform me into the pretend host of a pretend television show titled Nailing It!
(Confession: Sometimes when I’m cooking and no one is around, I narrate my actions as if I’m Bobby Flay or Ree Drummond. By doing this, I’ve come to realize that these guys don’t just cook. They spin yarns. And so do I, but more literally than figuratively. Being a TV host is tricky, and that’s why I prefer a keyboard to eyeliner.)
Here are my big fake nails (BFNs) Nailing It! on the tablecloth that my sister made.
Here are my BFNs Nailing It! at pretending to receive a box that was given to us by Jeff’s mom. (It held tickets to Newsies!)
BFNs can pet a dog! Nailing It!
BFNs can hang out on my fleece snowflake pajama pants! Nailing It!
BFNs don’t care that yet another person from my high school unfriended me on Facebook, because BFNs are Nailing It! while watching Going Deep with David Rees!
(BFNs know that when someone unfriends you, it just means that you are making your views known and it’s making someone uncomfortable and they don’t value individual differences the same way you do. In other words, you’re supporting Bernie Sanders and you’re Nailing It! Mostly! Also, you’re drinking Nighty Night tea in a Vegas mug! Nailing It!)
12 thoughts on “Nailing It!”
I can’t think of another person I know who would write a blog about BFN–another reason why you are Nailing it. Nail on, nail on, Nailer…
This is absurd, and I love it.
“The mind is a terrible thing to waste.” Sometimes sentences ARE tricky!
Confession: I literally just almost unfriended a HS friend on FB about 20 minute ago because I saw that she and her hubby were super-eagerly “waiting to see The Donald!” I was (very) uncomfortable. Sometimes I cannot understand different viewpoints. :-/
Real friends respect your views, right or wrong.
I’m curious about who unfriended you. We have someone from our class who unfriended me a few years ago now, and I figured this person didn’t agree with my life and views, based on what was on their profile. I noticed this person was still on your friend’s list because they commented on things you posted. I was puzzled by how this person became the person they had become. OK…I’m stopping now.
I totally forgot that we used to narrate our cooking activities when I cooked something with one of the boys.
*bb carefully presses the lid of the tuna can to drain all of the oil…*
If I knew how to make that emoji with the smiley face and the hearts for eyes on my computer keyboard I WOULD TOTALLY BE MAKING THAT SO HARD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
Oh. . .so glad I’m not the only one who narrate her actions. It’s mostly in my head, but I totally do it too. It looks like you nailed New Years!
I love you. And your (ex-)BFNs. (I too succumb to occasional nail envy. My own nails are softsoftsoft and in the winter brittlebrittlebrittle. Every year I have somewhat admirable nails from mid-July until October 1. Then the weather cools and the humidity disappears and my nails break off, one by one. It’s a difficult time for me.)
Putting on BFNs is one thing, but you’ve taken it to a whole new level with the creative hand modeling showing them off doing all those things. That’s why we like you. And that’s just one small reason why you should not spend any time thinking about someone from high school “unfriending” you on Facebook.
You are not the girl you were in high school. You are a grown-ass woman who is smart and funny and can make a whole evening of fun out of a package of BFNs from Target and then make a bunch of people all over the country, maybe the world, smile about it.
I love your comment on why they unfriended you. One of my supposed friends just did the same after I called him out on something that smelled horridly unethical. Oh well. You are awesome and I’m so glad I found your blog again.
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