Last night I dyed Harper’s hair.
This morning I joined a friend for a historical bridge demolition.
(I’m not sure why a few people brought American flags.) The bridge took about five seconds to go down, and that reminds me of a few girls from my high school and HA HA HA HA HA!!!! (I don’t deserve a website.)
This afternoon I went to visit my doctor, and because I’ve been working on a test bank for nursing students in my spare time, I sometimes feel like *I* am a doctor which is the most annoying type of patient to have if *you* are a doctor.
Doctor: I’m not completely sure that your symptoms are related to your medication, but we can proceed as if they are. A lot of people have been suffering from gastroenteritis lately…
Me: But you can’t tell me their names. Because of HIPAA. Also, this is probably nothing, but while I’m here I’d like to show you the rash on my neck. I’ve had it since December and it hasn’t responded to hydrocortisone or jojoba oil.
(Yes. Now that I’m moisturizing my face with olive oil, I also try to medicate myself with jojoba and tea tree oils. I still shave under my arms, although I rarely go sleeveless. I haven’t yet invested in hemp underpants.)
Doctor: Hmmm. It looks like contact dermatitis, but… No! It’s definitely a fungal infection! Those are highly contagious. I’m going to hook you up with some Ketaconazole.
Me: WE ADOPTED CAT BROTHERS IN DECEMBER AND GRAHAM HAD A FUNGAL INFECTION IN HIS EARS!!!
Doctor: Does he lick your neck?
Doctor: Does he sleep on your pillow?
Me: Um, yes. Often. Because we’re in love.
Doctor: You need to go home and wash your pillow cases and don’t wear shirts more than once before laundering them. Be sure to get a fresh towel after every shower.
Me: TONY ORLANDO & DAWN SANG A SONG CALLED “CANDIDA!”
Doctor: It’s not candida.