Do you know what sucks? A lot of things. (Raisins, taking down Christmas decorations, gas prices, the death of Betty White…) ((I know. It’s just that I want this post to stay current throughout the rest of time.))
Now that I have you here, I want to talk about my brain, because it’s another thing that sucks. I used to consider myself smart. Witty. Able to learn things quickly. Someone who can drive a car while listening to a book. Lately, though? I’ve been messing up.
- I checked out The Breakfast Club at the library on Thursday night, and when we all sat down to watch it on Friday, we found that I hadn’t unlocked the box before leaving the library.
- I tried to print out some Amazon gift cards yesterday. The computer kept telling me that the printer was offline. I muttered a few damnits and a few shits and I stomped around a bit and hit several buttons before Jeff noticed that the printer wasn’t plugged in. (I did NOT retract my damnits and shits. Sometimes you just have to let them float.)
- If I want to use the DVD player, I hit a bunch of random things on the remote and pray that magic happens. There have been times that I’ve given up on watching a DVD just because I couldn’t turn the thing on and life is hard.
- Last week I tried to say something really passionate about Dayton (Imagine!) and I accidentally yelled Denver and suddenly I disqualified myself from the conversation.
- More than once in the past three months I’ve said, “Hey! I’ll bring you some lentils!” and then I packed up some lentils and put them on the counter and walked out to the car and drove away without the lentils.
- Let’s take a break from this list for a second because I bought a shirt that I love and here it is. It is shipping from China and I think my order squeaked by right before the escalation of the trade wars. When the shirt arrives, I plan on showing it a very good time that may or may not include some Lebanese nachos. I also bought this because sometimes I want to look like my legs are coming out of a tulip.
- I will often say things like, “Put the soda back in the dishwasher.” When a cartoon animal is dressed up like another animal I can never tell what part is the animal and what part is the costume. I have no idea how to go to my sister’s house, and I’ve been there multiple times.
- Twice today I did something on Facebook that made me look like an idiot. Yesterday I typed IF instead of OF on a Facebook post and it sat there for over an hour without being fixed and I’M SUPPOSED TO BE AN EDITOR. I used to poke fun (in a very sensitive way, obviously) of people who made the same mistakes that I’m now making.
Because I really should balance discouraging with good: Here is a good thing that I did.
I bought some alphabet fabric and a pattern last week and now a dress exists where before there was none. And I actually like it, which is unusual.
(Here is the pattern photo and the fabric. It’s Simplicity 6340. I’m on the fence about the pockets.)
Finally, I would show you our annual Easter family photo, but Meredith was flashing a gang sign and I don’t want her to end up on a list somewhere. (You might think I’m kidding.) Instead, here is the photo from 2010.