I’ve lived the life of 624 bumblebees.

A friend contacted me last year and asked if I would write an article on EEG-based meditation. He would send the equipment to me and guide me through the process, and then I would put pen to paper to describe my experiences. He was enthusiastic. I was enthusiastic. I honestly felt like the article was something I could write.

Untitled(I bought this hat a few weeks ago, and it makes me want to be a better person. I would insert a chaos theory joke, but it’s just too easy.)

The EEG equipment arrived and after a few clumsy computer failures on my end, we got everything up and running and began having Zoom calls during which I attempted to get my brain levels in the right place for my style of meditation. I never became an expert because meditating is a process, but I definitely made strides and started feeling the benefits of a daily meditation practice. (I’m here to tell you that if you think you can’t meditate, you’re wrong. It just takes openness and acceptance.)

 (This is Calypso. She’s a hairless guinea pig who doesn’t like to be picked up, but loves to be held.)

For the next several months, I tried writing that article. I tried so hard. Sadly, everything I wrote sounded goofy and dumb and not nearly good enough, which made ME feel goofy and dumb and not nearly good enough. It’s one of the many reasons why I haven’t visited Fluid Pudding in six months. (My therapist told me that if I think I can’t write, I’m wrong. It just takes openness and acceptance.)

Untitled(I knit another gnome. He’s kind of an asshole.)

This paragraph is where I want to tell you that I listened to my therapist and powered through the darkness and WOW the completed article is SO GREAT! IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT! Sadly, that didn’t happen, so I’m here to tell you that sometimes you might think you can do something, but you’re totally wrong. You can’t do it and it doesn’t matter how hard you try. Enjoy your day. (I saw a poster last week that said something like, “A miracle will happen just when you’re about to quit.” and I thought, “Who would buy that poster?” and then I thought, “Fuck you, Poster.”)

Untitled(Look at this guy. He might live for a month (if he’s lucky), he can’t sting (unless he’s a female, in which case she can, but doesn’t want to), and when his stomach is totally full he’s still less than 45 minutes away from starvation.)

Hi there. I haven’t seen you in months. Let’s see. Meredith graduated from high school and is moving away for college in less than three weeks. Harper is now a licensed driver and is getting ready to start her junior year of high school. Ah, but the most important news? I turned 51 and am now one who wears a sundress and has the neck of a Chlamydosaurus.


(Don’t let me scare you. I peacock my neck only when I’m attempting to discourage predators. Or when someone is trying to court me.)

Thanks for coming back. We should meet up here more often.

19 thoughts on “I’ve lived the life of 624 bumblebees.”

  1. I like it here, even though that gnome looks like he’s trying to start some trouble.

  2. 1) How have I never previously known about the existence of hairless guinea pigs?

    2) ” …sometimes you might think you can do something, but you’re totally wrong. You can’t do it and it doesn’t matter how hard you try. ” Simone Biles recently demonstrated this truth to the world, and the world is better for knowing it! “Know thyself” and “Be true to yourself”

    3) I love your dress.

    4) Welcome back!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I like this because I’m kind of sick of the commentary being written about Simone Biles’s withdrawal from the Olympics (especially when it’s coming from overweight and overbearing men). Your perspective is refreshing. Fuck that poster.

  4. Meredith graduated from high school?! She was just a little cute thing when I found your blog. Holy cow. I am old. And I love the gnome!

  5. And don’t forget, you also met some strange people from Kentucky and introduced them to the joys of Fitz’s soda and shopping on the Delmar Loop (and gooey butter cake)!

    And btw, that sundress is EVERYTHING.

    And also btw, I suck at meditation, but now I’m thinking that maybe I gave up too quickly because I’m patient to a fault with other people but impatient AF with myself, so … yeah. Maybe once MY Meredith is gone, I’ll give it another go, to distract myself from all the empty around here.

    (All that to say, I’m glad you’re back.)

  6. I am so glad you are back. Your off-beat and quirky writing appeals to
    me so much, and it is always a good day when you post. Okay, now I am done slathering you with embarrassing praise. Frankly, you are nearly as weird as I am. It is good to find an online friend. Please keep updating you blog.

  7. Welcome back. Sundresses look good on you and so does the chaos hat.

    As for the poster, just no. We’ve been dealing with a pandemic for 18 months now. There’s no more hanging on for a damn miracle. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  8. You have a baby leaving the nest! Big news!

    I’ve been thinking lately of knitting Christmas gifts, but it’s hard to keep my focus and I end up knitting glamorous shawls for myself instead. I love the gnome.

  9. I’m sorry, what? I have a very clear memory of Meredith, and she is 5, and she has adorable kindergartner glasses, and there is no way she’s leaving for college! Best of luck to her and happy to see you back!

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