It's the old small talk!
This video seems oddly appropriate today.
Twelve hours from now I’ll either be whooping it up at the Elks Lodge with two handfuls of mozzarella cheese sticks, two feet wobbling with mad crazy rhythm, and a tongue dripping with amicability (and cheese), or I’ll be back home. In my pajamas. With a wallet that’s fifty dollars skinnier and a heaping plastic tablespoon of No Ira Glass regret.
I’ll be in touch. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
At around 7:00 this morning, I tallied up the votes on the Reunion Ensemble Conundrum. Out of 86 people who had definite opinions (some commented in other threads, some sent direct e-mails), 43 people chose Outfit One, and 43 people chose Outfit Two.
Me: Jeff, this is unbelievable! 86 people have voted, and we have a tie! Wait a second. What if this happens in November?!
Jeff: I believe The People will be a bit more stirred about the presidential election. I have a funny feeling more than 86 votes will be tallied.
Me: Thank God you’re never wrong.
So, anyway, I’m still torn. And because I’m still torn, I went out and bought a red pair of these this morning just in case I go with the dress. (After all of the discounts and coupons, I got them for twenty bucks!) (By the way, I think it’s a bit ridiculous that you can look at shoes in High Definition at the DSW site. I almost feel like that option is way too high-tech for me. Shoes. Now in High Def! Well worth the load time wait!)
(Jeff has voted for the dress.)
Also, and most importantly, earlier this afternoon, I did this:
Because the lucky number is 19, Larissa has won the Build a Bear gift card. Thanks to all who left comments. I hope to give more things away in the future. Wait. Does anyone want the can of creamed corn from my cupboard? It’s a bit past the expiration date, and although it seemed like a great idea when I bought it, I can’t really seem to stir up the necessary motivation to really go for it. (My grandpa used to eat creamed corn sandwiches. Also, spaghetti sandwiches. And onion sandwiches. He would probably love to know that I sometimes eat apple sandwiches. Anyway. Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line?)
It’s now time to pack up your stuff and go home. Let’s get this weekend started. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
Okay, guys. I need some help.
It seems that my 20 Year High School Reunion is in three days.
I knew it was coming up. It is. In three days.
This leaves me no time to lose those last few pounds, grow out my hair, or become a surgeon. If nothing else, I’m hoping (with your help, of course) that I can choose The Perfect Ensemble.
The reunion invitation states that dress is casual. However, I think I know better than that. These women (of which I am one! A Woman! I know!) haven’t seen each other in two decades. (Unless, unlike me, they attended the ten year reunion. Or, unlike me, perhaps they have the ability to maintain friendships from their teenage years. I’ve been in touch with no one. NO ONE. In other words, I’m walking into a room of strangers, and the only thing they might remember about me is that I tend to wear fake glasses and I fall down quite a bit.) Where was I? Oh, yeah. These women haven’t seen each other in two decades. You can’t tell me they’re going to be all, “Casual! Great! Honey, where are my cut-off shorts and my INXS t-shirt?”
This is where you come in. I’m about to give you three options. Please tell me which is most appropriate.
Here we have a knee-length denim skirt, a black t-shirt, and a short sleeved jacket thing that originally sold for $116, but I managed to score it for $11. Also, red patent Danskos. Because if I’m going to drink wine and fall down, I want everyone to notice my shiny feet. Not my Hanes Her Way underpants. (Note: Why, yes. I often stand like a flamingo when I’m sipping wine (or Pomegranate juice, in this case). Thanks for noticing!)
Next up? The dress that shows a bit of cleavage.
I purchased this dress for BlogHer, and it’s the most comfortable dress I’ve ever owned. Also, it requires absolutely no ironing! Polyester! With dots! And although I’m sporting black shoes, I think this might look a bit more dangerous with red shoes. Maybe. What do you think? (My grandma gave that stein to Jeff for Christmas many years ago. He keeps it in the freezer, and when he drinks from it, he speaks nothing but German. Obviously, I’m lying. BUT, cool stein. Cold stein, even. Klirrend!)
The final choice is a literal one. If you’re telling me that this event is truly casual, well, this is what you’re going to get.
Ratty jeans that may or may not be too tight, a black tank top that never really makes its way out of my drawer, my Ben Folds Five bucket hat, and my scratched up sunglasses. Also, a big stupid bag of frozen fish sticks, because I have to be holding something or else my hands will constantly be nervously shooting up to my face. (We’ll talk about that next week.)
So, anyway. Help.
Oh, yeah. Get this. Ira Glass is coming to town the night of my reunion. This is a huge conflict for me. If you know me at all, you know that I would drop just about anything to see Ira Glass. Let me just say this: If I have to wait 20 years to see Ira Glass again, I’m going to be So Angry with these people who waited 20 years to see me again. (I realize no one has really been waiting. If this thing wasn’t being held at an Elks Lodge, I’m positive I could do the Fly on the Wall game and no one would even recognize me!) If you live in St. Louis, please go see Ira Glass Saturday night. And while you’re there, pour a little of your drink to the floor and whisper something like, “For my misplaced homey, Fluid Pudding.”
I wonder if I should videotape the reunion so you can see how awkward I am in uncomfortable situations. Do you want me to? Because at this point, I’ll do just about anything for you. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
I don’t have anything against Miley Cyrus. Anything she does, naked or not naked, is none of my business. (Although the media is dying for me to know that Miley took a 20-year-old tank top sporting boy to church last weekend, I really couldn’t care less. However, for some unknown reason, I’m retaining that information.)
A few weeks back I received an e-mail from the kind folks at Build-A-Bear asking if they could send a Hannah Montana bear to the girls, along with a $25 gift card to be given away at Fluid Pudding. Knowing that my kids would either fight over or just not get into the Hannah Montana bear, I went ahead and took it (with the card) and set the plan to give it all away.
Less than 24 hours after signing on to take the bear, the biggest Hannah Montana fan I know fell and broke her arm at a friend’s house. And what sucks is that this girl loves gymnastics, but can no longer participate with a huge cast on her arm. And when kids get their feelings hurt along with their bones, my heart bleeds. Immediately, I knew who would get the bear. (Closed door! Open window! Not really. But sort of!)
Look at this bear:
Adorable. Fuzzy. Soft. Wearing a glittery shirt that says Ready to Rock. And although it lacks the ability to mend bones, it did bring a smile to the recipient’s face. And that’s never a bad thing.
All of this to say: If you’re interested in the $25 gift card to Build-a-Bear, I can hook you up. $25 would get you a naked Hannah Montana Bear (you can stage your own Vanity Fair photo shoot!), or just about any other Build-A-Bear friend. Best of all, Build-A-Bear sells donation animals. When you purchase a donation animal, a percentage of the proceeds is donated to charity. I hereby encourage you to use the card toward the purchase of a donation animal.
Anyway, leave a comment below and I’ll enter you in the drawing. On Friday at noon (CST), I’ll draw a name and notify the winner! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
I’m about to tell you about my Yesterday Morning.
But before I do, go click on this for background music, because it sums up the feel of the morning pretty perfectly. (Incidentally, this is one of two pieces of music that I practiced and practiced (and practiced!) but never seemed to get quite right. The other is this one. By the way, I’m starting to get the itch to pick up the piano again. Here’s hoping I don’t give myself a hernia! HA HA HA!!! Those things are heavy! Oh. GET IT?! Anyway.)
Do we have our accompaniment going? Okay then. Onward.
Yesterday morning my mom came over and the two of us (plus Harper, of course) went to one of my favorite yarn stores. (My mom is itching to start a Hemlock Ring Blanket, and she needed the right yarn for the job. You know how it is.)
Anyway, we grabbed some coffee, drove about ten miles, parked the car, and entered the store. When we walked in, the owner told me that she and another employee had just been talking about me. Long story short? She offered me a job. Working in a yarn store. And I know it’s totally hokey to be all “Pinch me! Am I dreaming?!”, but there you go. Also, I would scream out that thing about “Do what you love and the money will follow!”, but that’s sort of wilted, too. Rattlesnakes! Beat them with a baseball bat!
So, yeah. Tomorrow I’m going in to talk details, and then fairly soon I’ll be working in a yarn store for a few nights each week. And, I’m excited. AND, I’m choosing to spend the next few weeks immersed in information. Because if someone comes in and says something like “Which right leaning decrease do you prefer?”, I don’t want to have to run and find a book.
Next up? Figuring out The Perfect Wardrobe for a less than ten hours per week job. (I tend to freelance in my pajama pants. The frog ones. Just in case you wondered.)
One more thing. You are now talking to the Head Room Mother for Meredith’s class. What does this mean? It means that I am The Boss of All Parents. (Not really. But it DOES mean that I get to plan parties. And we all know how great I am at planning parties! The Puddings are constantly welcoming guests into their home for crazy-time parties! Right?!) (I can’t remember the last time someone not blood-related walked into our house. Unless you count last week’s plumber who fixed our little Feces in the Basement problem. Wait. Feces in the Basement. Now THAT’S a smart party theme!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
It was seven years ago today that I wore Capri pants to Starbucks and tried to impress a gaggle of high school boys by blasting The Weakerthans at them with my car stereo. And then I decided to sign up and document the experience at Fluid Pudding Dot Blogspot Dot Com, because I knew The World would give a crap.
Because today marks seven years of Fluid Pudding, I’ve decided to share the video that some of you have asked for in the past few months. (For which some of you have asked. For. With. Around the house. Beside the house. Between the house. I’ve really been haunted by prepositions lately.)
Also, because I’ll be wearing my Mommy Blogger bandanna tonight, let’s make this thing look as mommyblogesque as possible, shall we? Here’s a video of my kid! Cha cha cha!
Thanks for making the past seven years so interesting.
Shall we embark on seven more? ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
Let’s clear a few things up. Yesterday I received an e-mail asking if this WordPress site really belongs to Angela Pudding. (You know my last name’s not really Pudding, right?) Anyway, yeah! It’s really me! And I don’t have any way of proving that to you other than showing you the spot on my left arm where a doctor cut a blue nevus out when I was sixteen. You might be eating breakfast. I won’t do that to you. (Just know that I had to scoop ice cream at my job a few hours after the extraction, and my left arm was the scooping arm and whoosh! Rivers of fluid! Blegh.)
I know the banner here is weird (it’s a template thing) and I’m not getting e-mail notification with comments, which is something I was totally looking forward to, and I’m stressing on whether I really should update to WordPress 2.6.2, and how many times have I actually cried about this whole thing in the past week? 3.5. Seriously. And I realize that’s really sort of wacky and there are better things to cry about, but well, welcome to my kitchen. (Note: I was able to figure out how to stick my ads back in there. Full disclosure: the ad revenue will now pay for my hosting. It’s like the circle of life!)
Oh! You also asked where the archives went. Believe it or not, the archives are in a box in Salt Lake City, which is really sort of fun because I’ve never been to Utah, but all of my little words from the past seven years are there right now—kicking it around like little words do, I suppose. I’ll most likely be hitting all of these “issues” in the next month. Right now, most of my free time is spent freelancing and knitting the last of the BlogHer socks. (Less than two socks to go! But then I have four more gift socks and a bunch of sock ornaments to make. Do you care? I’m pretending that you care.)
(And the thing about Google Reader not picking up my RSS? I, well, huh. Are Ess What? I’ll see what I can do, but the only promise I can make is that I’ll be drinking a big silly beer early tomorrow evening. Because I need a drinkable solution to my scaredy cat-edness for the gig at InterPLAY. At 5:00, I’ll be on a panel at COCA, if you want to come on out. (I’ll have a Sharpie, if you want me to sign your arm or draw a blue nevus on it or something.) Most importantly, I’m thrilled to be sharing the space with some really wonderful writers. Come on out. And don’t look at my teenage-angst forehead. I realize that breakouts aren’t really supposed to happen at 38, but fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you if you’re young at heart. Wait. Am I still in my parenthetical aside?! Why, yes. It appears that I am.)
Oh! Wait! I shall now expand my skills by attempting to display a poster for the InterPLAY event! (Shoot an e-mail my way if you want more details.)
Wait! Here’s something! Meredith’s teacher has asked for a parent volunteer in the classroom for 45 minutes once each week. And if my Yes! gets to her first, well, I’m in. I’ve also signed on for Field Trip Duty. I’m currently thinking the kids would really love a visit to a winery. Or perhaps the Dansko factory. Sushi and an afternoon of knitting? Ben Folds concert? Popcorn and an early afternoon viewing of the Twilight movie? ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
Wouldn’t it be funny if every time you visited I just started spitting ugly at you? I’m mad! I can’t do anything! Woe? Me! Technologically inept!
I’m in a much better place today. Sure, I still can’t figure out what’s happening at Fluid Pudding, BUT I’m sort of working on a Doris Day mindset. Did you just feel that breeze? That was me flipping my hair and putting non-skid sole stickers on my pumps!
I’m back in the tea game, people. This morning I purchased a sampler pack of Tazo that contains Awake, Calm, China Green Tips, Earl Grey, Chai, Passion, Decaf Chai, Wild Sweet Orange, and Lotus & Zen. I believe today is a Lotus & Zen day, as I’m sitting cross-legged and will not be flapped.
As you read this, please know that I’m either building or devouring a green bean casserole. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
So, yeah. Have you ever been fairly unwillingly dropped into a city where you don’t speak the language? That’s where I am right now.
If you care: Liquidweb is now my host. BUT, they apparently won’t let me use one of the later versions of WordPress? Maybe? And although I was able to drag some of my old stuff over here, it looks like crap. Also, my e-mail isn’t working. No incoming. No outgoing. And my M&M thing? Yeah. It’s screwed up again, too. Seething! Me! Right now! Do you smell it?!
I’ve currently got the towel wrapped around me. But I’m about to take it off and throw it in.
Go celebrate the fact that you’re not around me right now! Because I’m shooting fire out of Every Hole.
Okay. These are the things I need to tell you.
1. David Foster Wallace is dead. And oh, how that just sucks. Sucks! Agh! Jeff is now reading Girl with Curious Hair, and I’m spending a lot of time thinking about the night we saw Mr. Wallace at a reading many years ago. He was terribly sweaty and he couldn’t drink enough water and he read from a book he was working on titled Brief Interviews with Hideous Men. And he was so funny and so smart—one of those guys you just sort of want to be around. (If you’re not familiar with David Foster Wallace and you can spare six minutes, go here.)
2. Last night I experienced a really bizarre sort of sensitivity in my fingertips. Shut up. I know! When it came time to change the sheets, I could barely stomach the thought of touching them. As I lounged in bed reading, I could barely turn the pages of my book without wincing. I’m one of those odd people who hates touching food unless it’s covered in some sort of crust, so I’m sort of used to a bit of weirdness. (I’ll make the occasional exception for Doritos, but don’t ever ask me to eat hot wings without the assistance of a fork and knife. By the way, I’m closing in on the Vegetarian for Two Months mark. Release the doves!) Anyway, this morning I’m able to touch things without wanting to vomit, so back to business.
3. As of today, I’m once again a freelancer. My latest (and possibly greatest) assignment is to mimic nurse and doctor handwriting on medical forms that will eventually become part of a hospital simulation for medical students. This morning I went out and purchased pens for the project. And the purchasing of pens is pretty high on my list of Things I Love to Do. Adding to the excitement is the fact that this morning handed me a little touch of cardigan weather. It doesn’t get much better than this.
4. On Friday, I’ll be participating on a panel (Hey! Where can I purchase some P stock? Purchasing of pens! Participating on a panel!) that’s part of the St. Louis Interactive Festival. (I’ll give you more details later this week if you’re interested.) Also, next weekend is my 20th high school reunion. Anyway. Last night I had a dream during which someone from my graduating class handed me a beer bottle full of spit right before my panel was set to begin. And I drank the spit before I realized it was spit, and everyone was laughing, and as I made my way to the stage, I realized that my dress was all ripped out on the sides, and I muttered something into the microphone that I thought was sort of clever, but it ended up stirring up major conflict between Black Hockey Jesus and Laid Off Dad.
5. On Saturday night, I had a telephone conversation with Mr. Jon Deal regarding web site switcharoo business. And during our talk, I realized that I am completely incapable of learning anything new that doesn’t involve icy cold vampires falling in love with truck driving high school girls. This whole discouraging “My brain is no longer sharp” thing reminds me of a meeting I once attended during which my boss confessed to “needing some ginkgo balboa” to improve his brain function. At the time, I suggested he sign up for a few matches with Rocky Biloba instead and Ha Ha Ha! That’s not so funny anymore. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>