Fluid Pudding : Page 83 of 123 : It's the old small talk!

My Back-to-School Supplies have arrived!

The following post is part of the DailyBuzz Moms Tastemaker program in partnership with Clorox.

Every year when August rolls around, I feel the excitement that most people feel at the end of December. To me, a new school year means a New Beginning. As I pack the kids’ backpacks with their school supplies, I start making mental lists of all of the things I’m going to do differently this year.

The list always includes the following items:
1. Eat healthier
2. Clean the house
3. Figure out my hair

The list also tends to include things like:
1. Figure out quinoa once and for all!!!
2. Start taking vitamins. (Bottle already in cabinet. Check expiration date.)
3. Calcium supplements?!

This year I’m pleased to report that with the help of DailyBuzz Moms and Clorox®, I was able to hit the ground running with my goals of eating healthy and cleaning the house! A few days back, I received the following items in the mail:

What you see here probably looks familiar. We have Clorox® Disinfecting Wipes, Glad® To Go Lunch containers, and a Brita® Bottle Water Filtration System.

The Clorox® wipes have become a staple in our house, as well as in the girls’ school. (Every year without fail, Clorox® wipes are included on the classroom supply list.) I use them to wipe off the counter tops, the inside of the sink, and the top of the toilet. (I would wash my face with them if I could. As you know, they smell great.)

We’ve been using (and reusing) Glad® containers forever, but I had no idea that the To Go Lunch containers existed! They’re smart, because they have a 1.5 oz. cup that snaps into the lid.

That cup can hold salad dressing, hummus, olive oil, or even chocolate syrup! The possibilities are endless, really. (I like to stuff my cup with mixed nuts, as I tend to crave protein after I eat a big bowl of fruit!)

The final item in the package is my new favorite thing. If you know me at all, you know that I’m constantly carrying around a container of water. I’m not a big fan of plastic water bottles, but I *am* a big fan of Good Water. Because our tap water is drinkable, I tend to fill one of our many dishwasher-safe reusable cups every time I leave the house, and I’ll spend most of the day drinking from it. Admittedly, the water tends to taste a bit stale by the end of the day, which is a bummer, but worse things could happen, right? Anyway, when I opened up the Brita® Bottle Water Filtration System, I immediately knew I was going to put it to the test to see if it keeps the End of the Day Stale Water Thing (EotDSWT) under control.

This morning I cleaned out the bottle, filled it up with water from our tap, and when I took a drink I noticed that the water was tasting better than our tap water. The Brita® filter? It works. Best of all, a few hours later I took a drink and there was zero hint of Stale. Success. I love this water bottle. (The only thing I don’t love is that it has a spout on the top. I need to learn how to drink from a spout without spilling all over myself. I’ve heard that practice makes perfect.)

I’m beyond thrilled with the items from DailyBuzz Moms and The Clorox Company. (I still need help with the hair/quinoa/vitamin thing, but those things can wait as I pack my healthy snack on my clean counter tops!) By the way, because I know you guys are brilliant, I would love to hear what kind of things you would put in the 1.5 oz. cup that comes with the Glad® To Go Lunch containers! Let’s brainstorm! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Wait. Was there an earthquake today? Fiddle dee dee! Puppies!

So, it looks like Jeff’s workplace is putting out a pet calendar, and the person who scores the cover image gets something like a million dollars or a free pancake dinner or something in between. I’ve decided that we don’t necessarily need the cover, but we do need a spot within.

Will you help me decide which photo to submit? It looks like each person is allowed only one entry. Oh my word, I’m living in a pressure cooker over here! Life can be so tricky sometimes, no?

Photo #1: Scout in the Pool (This would make a great July shot, don’t you think?!)

Photo #2: Scout’s Big Puppy Feet (Why do we still have the pink carpet?! WHY?!?!?!)

Photo #3: Father’s Day! (This is good, because we’re also advertising one of the company’s books!)

Photo #4: Scout in Motion!

Photo #5: Scout’s First Day as a Pudding!

Photo #6: I can’t leave Henry out of the mix, but this is my only decent shot of him, and he’s showing his boy part…

Photo #7: Luna with Laptop on her back. (Rest in peace, Luna.)

Photo #8: Sidney and Ramona Quimby

Honestly, I’m leaning toward #4 or #5, but I would love to get your input. Because, really. What else do you have going on over there? (I know! Have I thanked you lately for putting up with me?!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Everybody’s talking ’bout mediations, United Nations, congratulations on my tubal ligation…

Despite some fairly minor glitches, the tying of the tubes was a success!

Glitch #1: Everyone I talked to at the hospital seemed a bit worried to hear that I was on a solo mission. Jeff dropped me off at 6:00, and planned on being back by 8:15. The surgery was scheduled for 8:00, and normally takes about 45 minutes to complete. In the pre-op prep area, I was surrounded by people headed off to Major surgery, and they were surrounded by family and friends. I brought my knitting. Minds were boggled.

Glitch #2: I was handed a plastic cup and a vial. I was told to pee in the cup and pour it into the vial. The vial did not have a flat bottom, so the entire process became an exercise in problem solving. If I pour the pee into the vial before I wash my hands, I’ll have to continue to hold the vial, making hand washing impossible, which is unacceptable. If I wash my hands and THEN pour the pee into the vial, I’ll probably want to wash my hands again. I refuse to turn my face toward the sky with the vial in my mouth. Wait. What would MacGyver do? I peed into the cup, washed my hands, poured the pee into the vial, CAREFULLY tucked the vial behind the elastic band of my underpants, washed my hands again, grabbed the vial with my towel, and journeyed back to the nursing station feeling very proud of myself.

Nurse: Oh! Where’s the lid for the vial?

Me: There was no lid.

Nurse: Are you sure there wasn’t a lid?

Me: Believe me. There was no lid.

Glitch #3: The computer crashed twice as the nurse tried to enter my information.

Me: Do you think this means I really AM supposed to have another baby?

Nurse: What?

Me: Nothing.

Glitch #4: My surgeon ran into traffic and the nurses were freaking out on the fact that it was surgery time! But no surgeon! When she did show up, she was wearing a really amazing skirt that she scored for three dollars at Macy’s. (I love my doctor.)

Glitch #5: Endometriosis. Who knew? Apparently, it was a mild case, and my doctor was able to remove it. (Did you know that endometriosis may cause headaches? I’m feeling sort of optimistic about the endometriosis/headache connection!)

Hey, look! It’s me! Drunk on narcotics/anesthesia, yet still wanting you to give peace a chance!

Glitch #6: I was unable to see straight for about 48 hours after the surgery. I believe I can blame the anti-nausea patch the anesthesiologist placed behind my ear. That little patch was pretty incredible. The Not Being Able to See thing was NOT so incredible, as it made knitting/reading/watching television impossible.

Jeff and the girls let me spend most of the weekend in bed.

My parents delivered a huge box of peaches.

Henry and Scout became friends.

And today, because I’m still not feeling up for driving, I’m knitting a pumpkin hat for an autumnal baby.

All is well. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Fit to be Tied!

Here is an actual ultrasound taken of my pelvic area earlier this morning.

If you go back in time to your most recent anatomy class, you’ll realize that you are pleased to be at my cervix! Get it?! HA HA HA! Anyway, here we see my fallopian tubes, a couple of good looking ovaries, a uterus complete with endometrium, and various other parts that make up my reproductive system. (I don’t want to use the V word, because I would hate for someone to Google something that isn’t available here. In my mind, folks with questionable intentions will not be searching out “uterus complete with endometrium.” I’ve been wrong before…)

The next time you see me, my innards are going to look a little more like this:

Pretty! Yes. Tomorrow morning at approximately 8:00, my doctor will be slicing tiny holes into my abdomen, grabbing my fallopian tubes, and tying them into what I assume will be a decorative organ bow! (I bet Martha Stewart’s tubes are tied.) I’m not quite sure what to expect other than approximately three days of discomfort, but I AM hoping that my memory improves after surgery.

Because, look closely.

I think you know what I’m saying. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

I try not to whine. (Today I’m not trying very hard.)

Last night at approximately 12:52, the cat freaked out, jumped onto the bed, and attacked my feet. It was a three Band-Aid attack, and it has set the mood for the morning. (If I was a mood ring wearing person, today would be something like black or red or flame throwing or whatever color symbolizes I Should Probably Take a Xanax.) ((My kids complimented me a LOT this morning, which they tend to do when I’m shooting sparks out of my eyeballs.))

I love Scout. I love Henry. I’m having a difficult time loving Scout AND Henry. (Don’t get me wrong. I will get through this.) The dogs are at each others’ throats from the time they are released from their crates in the morning (at approximately 6:00) until they are put back into the crates for bed (at approximately 10:00). During their awake hours, they are fighting and/or growling at each other. Constantly. About half of the time, I can tell that they’re playing. The other half? It starts off as playing, but then leads to something else entirely. SO, I’ve been spending my days trying to engage them and/or separate them. Henry is eleven weeks old, and he was just diagnosed with a bacterial infection as well as a skin infection. In my mind, he needs rest. (Perhaps I’m projecting!) Scout won’t let it happen. SO, I put Scout in her crate so Henry can have Henry time, and both dogs end up yelling and growling through the crate door. (Oh, man. I’m boring you again! Wake up! Please?) They love each other. They hate each other. I just want to eat falafel and sit on the couch…

Oh! Oh! (I really am good at whining! Buckle up!) Scout is pretty good at the whole training pad thing. Henry? Not so much. (Yet.) SO, I take both of them outside several times each day to do their business and run around. Because of our outside time, I now have ten (TEN!) of those big nasty swollen mosquito bites on my arms, and several more tiny ones on my ankles. (I smell really good, people. I’ve been using blackberry scented lotion! Bugs are really drawn to me, as are women in the freezer section of the grocery store. (I don’t know.))

When Jeff and I are complaining about silly things and we catch ourselves losing perspective, we tend to say, “It’s a living hell.” If you look at the big picture, we’re dipped in Nothing To Complain About. Oh, but the growling. The GROWLING! And the fighting. And the bug bites! And I’m limping today because I Was Attacked By My Own Cat. Living hell? Living hell.

Always End On A Good Note: Tempe and I had lunch yesterday at VegaDeli, where I enjoyed a Greek Wrap and some apple/beet/carrot juice. This may just be my new favorite place in St. Louis.

Someone make the fighting stop. (I know it will eventually stop.)

Poor Itchy Bullied Henry.

And Poor Mean Girl Scout.

And this is where I would put a photo of my feet along with a Poor Mangled Me, but we all know how I am about feet. Enjoy your day. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

First Day of School!

You know me.

I really can’t let a first day of school go by without sharing the photos.

And, look. I even made them hug.

(It took about 25 failed shots to get one hug photo in which both girls look at least partially happy. “Keep hugging! No! We’re not there yet! Hug! Happy hugs! Hu-uh-uhg!”)

((Congratulations to Peggy for winning the hat or gloves! And thank you so much to all who donated or who still might donate! We’re almost there!!!)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Welcome, Henry Huggins!

As you know, we’ve been talking about getting a sibling for Scout.

Last week, the wonderful woman who helped us adopt Scout sent this link to me. We immediately fell in love with ALL of the puppies, but were most interested in adopting either Brownie (a female) or Scout (a male).

Long Story Shortened Because You Like It Like That: The woman fostering the pups took them to an adoption event today, and she held Brownie and Scout back for us. We got there and pretty much immediately knew that Brownie was a bit too quiet and cuddly for Scout’s aggressive ways. However, I’m pleased to report that Scout and Scout got along famously. Much sniffing and wagging!

Foster Mom: I have to warn you, Scout likes to put his paws in his water bowl and go crazy with splashing!

Me: So does our Scout!

Foster Mom: Also, he had an umbilical hernia, so you might want to keep an eye on that.

Me: So did our Scout!

(It was meant to be. I shall now adopt every dog named Scout and fill my house with Scouts.)

The girls and I held a quick meeting, where we decided that New Scout (who is 1/2 Beagle, 1/4 Shih Tzu, and 1/4 Brussels Griffon) looks like a Henry Huggins. (We name all of our pets after characters in books.) We filled out the papers, paid the fee, and brought our new family member home, where we’ll all live happily ever after. (Except for the cats, who are sitting in the basement applying black eyeliner, listening to Morrissey, and wondering what the hell is going on.)

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Nutter Butter is the Blizzard of the Month. I’ve already had four of them.

Because I’m not a fan of crowds, last year I often found myself stressing out before PTO meetings even though my only obligation for those meetings was to walk into the school library, find an empty seat, sit down in that seat, and then find my way out to the car when the meeting was over. I believe I attended a total of three meetings last year, which is admittedly fairly horrible, but it was three meetings more than I had attended in any of the previous years.

I’m now the treasurer of our school’s PTO. This means I will be attending ALL of the meetings, probably saying actual words during those meetings, doing things with money and bank accounts and budgets, and smiling a lot. I just need to constantly remind myself that sending a loved one off to WAR is terrifying. PTO is not terrifying. It’s not terrifying. Not terrifying. Terrifying.

Last night I attended my first event of the fiscal year. (Look at me talking in fiscals. I feel smarter already, Olivia Newton-John!) I saw a few things that broke my heart and a few things that found me fighting the urge to roll my eyes into the back of my head. At the end of the night, I returned home, counted some money, and entered a bunch of numbers into the system. No need for Xanax. All is well.

This evening (in about an hour, actually), we’ll be returning to school to meet the teachers. I’m terribly happy with the teachers the girls will have this year. My only complaint (and it’s a tiny one) is that one of the girls will be in a classroom with someone that I was hoping would NOT be in her classroom. BUT, I’m trying my hardest to turn my attitude around and even bring God into it along with words like Forgiveness and Peace and Love. (Wurocher once said, “If a child acts like a hateful animal, treat her as one. Feed her ground corn and chicken by-product and make her pee outside. Just kidding.”)

We’ll see what happens. In the meantime, if you have a Dairy Queen in your area, get over there and buy a Nutter Butter Blizzard. Tell them I sent you. (Don’t really tell them that I sent you. They don’t know me. (Unless you’re going to the Dairy Queen by my house. They know me. Oh, yes they do.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Why do I need 24 smiley stickers?!

I just purchased one of those 18-Month Mom Planners. I really wish there would have been a better selection of planners, but when you’re shopping at a big cruddy store that’s going out of business soon, you sort of get what you get. Anyway, my planner came with hundreds of goofy little stickers and spaces for meal ideas and perforated blank grocery list areas where I normally write things like “Thursday. No eodpm.” instead of “Lentils. Almonds. Peaches.” and then I stare at eodpm and wonder what I meant and then a few days later I get a phone call confirming my tubal ligation and reminding me of No Eating Or Drinking Past Midnight, and suddenly the world makes sense again.

This week’s two-page calendar spread is completely full. It hasn’t been like that for quite some time, and we’re a bit bummed because this means No Pajama Days. Today’s box says “Lydia. Checks. Groceries. Pencils.” and none of those things sound like fun, so I believe I’ll also add in a yogoluv or a Haircut for Girls.

I’m pleased to announce that I delivered another batch of cake balls over the weekend!

The blues are yellow cake with chocolate icing, and the whites are cherry chip cake with cherry icing. I really loved them, because they reminded me of one of my favorite ever sock yarns.

I *still* haven’t made socks out of that yarn. It’s just too pretty. I was able to spend a few hours knitting with friends over the weekend, and this shawl (which seems like more of a scarf than a shawl, but who am I?) became the topic of discussion. Perhaps some of my prettier sock yarns can become Melody’s Shawls…

Like this one.

Or this one.

Speaking of neckwear, Meredith knitted a fabulous cowl for Scout.

When it’s back to school season, a puppy needs a scarf like a vegetarian needs a juicy hamburger. BUT, when January rolls around? Scout will be thanking Meredith for her thoughtfulness. (And I’ll still be avoiding those juicy hamburgers.)
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I’m knitting a hat or gloves for a lucky reader. You can read all about it right here! (Your chances are crazy good! Apparently, not many people want gloves or a hat!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

I’ve got friends in low places.

I know I’ve gone on about this before.

But seriously. I had to share this with you.

I wasn’t sure how to respond this morning when my feminine protection suggested I go play.

“I’ve got your back,” said the tampon, “Really. Go play.”

“Well, okay then!” I replied as I pumped my fist into the air, which I often do during That Time of The Month. (I normally follow that exuberant fist pump with a melodramatic cry on the bathroom floor, a maniacal laugh as I shove too many Doritos into my mouth, and a silent scream as my migraine hits. I enjoy being a girl!)

So, yeah. I did what the tampon told me! After taking the kids to catch their ride to College for Kids, I played fourteen rounds of tennis (rounds? sets? I really have no idea!), I mastered The Cartwheel in my front yard, I marched around a football field with a tuba, and I cross-country skied across some country!

Tampon totally had my back. I returned to the house to find that all of my laundry was finished and put away, the floors were sparkling, the dog had been trained, and my shower problem had been solved! The only thing Tampon didn’t do was pick my kids up and bring them back home to me, and that’s the only reason why I decided to remove and dispose of it.

And thank God I did!

It might sound silly, but if you substitute “Grandma” for “tampon” the way I just did, it becomes a bit easier to heed the advice! So, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind. I’m grabbing my keys and hitting the road. You see, somewhere out there is a carnival with my name written all over it, and I’m going to have fun. I *do* trust you, Tampon! I do! (Why am I suddenly crying? Do you have any Funyons I can borrow?!)

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