Sticks and String Archives : Page 3 of 4 : Fluid Pudding

Orange is the new orange.

As you know, I’ve posted videos of me stuffing marshmallows into my face, writing Happy Easter across my face (video removed until next year due to copyright mumbo jumbo), eating yogurt, welcoming you into a day in the life, etc.
I was not the least bit self-conscious about any of those things.
Why am I squirming right now at the thought of sharing a photo of my feet?

Here:

Okay, now, stop looking at them.

I went with this color, and finished the look with this shade on my hands.
And I almost kicked my nail professional in the head when she thought it would be cute to tickle my feet.
(As if I wasn’t feeling all weirded out to begin with. Yeesh.)

Last night while the girls were singing, I finished this:

I started this shawl on the Sunday before Easter when it occurred to me that I needed a shawl to wear with my Easter dress.
I busted my knitter’s butt on that thing until just a few days before Easter when I realized that I had returned my Easter dress to the store several weeks ago.
(I blame all synapse misfires on my children.)
Anyway, after taking a break long enough to snort some ginkgo biloba and figure out what I was going to wear on Easter, I decided to finish the shawl—because the last thing I need around here is another unfinished project.

I need to figure out why the characters from Glee make me cry.
You wouldn’t think that a happy interview on Oprah would destroy me.
But it did. The kids and the singing and the hard work and the hope and my lip quivers and engages my tear ducts and suddenly I’m a disaster.

It’s 54 degrees out, and I’m wearing sandals.
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I concocted a Pop-Tarts recipe, and now I’m giving away a $100 Visa gift card! Follow this link if you’re interested!

I’m drinking lots of juice and diving into the Tropicana Juicy Rewards Program. (AND giving away a $50 Visa gift card!) You can follow along right here! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

There goes February!

If you’re not a knitter, you need to know this: Several knitters out there kick off new knitting projects during the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, with the goal of finishing those projects before or during the closing ceremonies. Some knitters take this quite seriously—joining knitting teams and signing on for certain “events” depending on the type of project they’re attempting to complete.

I didn’t join a team this year, because with freelance work and kids home from school and parent/teacher conferences and I’m full of ridiculous excuses, I didn’t think I would be successful.

Do you remember when I did that meme/hat giveaway thing at the end of January? Well. Mommy Mae won the hat, and after a few e-mails back and forth, we decided that she would look quite fetching in a Gretel. Because it just sort of worked out that way, I started the hat during the opening ceremony of the Olympics, and I actually finished it yesterday afternoon.

Please know that I’m not presenting a black and white photo in an attempt to be artsy. I’m presenting it because Mommy Mae has no idea what color the hat truly is, and I want to keep it a surprise. So, here I sit empty-handed, but deserving some sort of Olympic medal, I suppose. What a difficult life it can be for a knitter with no team!

On Thursday evening, my book club met to discuss “My Life in France” by Julia Child. At the meeting, we each brought a dish prepared using one of Ms. Child’s recipes. I chose the Clafouti. (The recipe is here, and is really super easy and Good.)

The host of the meeting prepared Boeuf Bourguignon, and side dishes included fresh green beans with a Swiss cheese sauce, tomatoes stuffed with garlic and Saint-André cheese, and roasted potatoes. Perfection. (Also? I was thrilled to hear that I’m not the only person in the world that craved more Julia and Much LESS Julie in her Julie and Julia. I could have done without Julie altogether, actually.)

For those who asked, the adult makeup I purchased is Lorac, which I just learned is pronounced LeROCK and not LORack. Specifically, I got the oil-free makeup (currently marked down from $30 to $7.50), the oil-free wet/dry powder makeup, and a set of really crazy glittered lip glosses that were marked down from something like $38 to something like $7 and are no longer on the website, meaning I’m definitely not the ONLY person in the world walking around with a bedazzled mouth, and you would be surprised how much my mind is eased knowing that There Are Others.

I’ve been commissioned to knit a sweater for a dog. And after finding this pattern, I really couldn’t be more excited.

Oh! Oh! I almost forgot! Leah Peterson is one of the most creative people I know. It seems that she always has some sort of amazing project going on, and I’m in love with her writing, photography, ideas, etc. Her latest creation is a magazine titled LP Creative Humans, and the first issue is now available. AND, I submitted something. (Very reluctantly. Someday we’ll talk about my complete lack of confidence when it comes to writing outside of Fluid Pudding. Yeesh.) And wheee! I made it. (Wait a second. There’s my Olympic medal!) If you’re interested in browsing or purchasing, feel free to go here! (Or hit the MagCloud button in my sidebar.) ((I like to give you options.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Explanations, Memes, and Human Kindness

ETA: We have a winner! Congratulations, MommyMae!

A few months ago, I mentioned that if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll notice that I finish nearly every one of my thoughts/tweets/whathaveyous with #momspotting. I also pointed you toward the awkward video I made to introduce myself AS a Momspotter.

When the Momspotting gig began, Rita Arens wrote a really excellent article explaining exactly what a Momspotter does. In a nutshell, twenty moms were hired to be part of a six month citizen journalism project that involves making daily observations about technology and parenting. These observations (or tweets) are being watched for trends. And I know it’s pretty confusing, so here: I get paid to be aware of technology in my daily life and how if affects my family. I employ Twitter fifteen times each week, and three times each month I post to the Family Connections community at Blogher. As a total bonus, BlogHer is syndicating a few of my blog posts. (One of them is right here! Hooray!)

To celebrate the final two months of Momspotting, Rita has written a meme and asked that we invite our readers to participate! And *I* have decided to sweeten the pot by turning the meme into a giveaway! (And before we get started, please know that Yes. These questions are geared toward parents, because this particular journalism project is geared toward parents. And I know that seems unfair to people who are not parents. And I get it. Believe me—for reasons I won’t get into right now, I really do get it. If you do not have kids, please skip the questions and go straight to the bottom paragraph of this post. You can still enter the giveaway!)

Here are the questions (with my answers):

1. Which expensive electronic device do you most often let your older children abuse or your baby drool on?

None. I am one of those wicked parents who can’t really afford to replace expensive electronic devices, so drool and abuse are not tolerated.

2. How many take-out restaurant numbers do you have programmed into your phone?

None. Although, I know Gokul’s number by heart. Mmmmmm. Delhi’s Chaat.

3. How many hours of television do you so totally not let your kids watch a week?

I would say my kids probably average about ten hours each week. Is that high? Low? I really have no idea.

4. Do you think people who say “we don’t watch television” at play dates but really mean “we just watch DVDs” are lying liars from Liarville?

My theory on play dates? Do What You Need to Do to Survive and Stay Sane. We recently had a play date during which things got a little crazy. I quietly slipped a movie into the DVD player, and within minutes the girls were sitting down, snacking (on fruit! really!), and NOT arguing. After finishing their snacks, all was well, and the movie was turned off.

5. How many miles have you driven with your child and not one device of electronic entertainment in a single car trip?

250 miles. (We have never used electronic entertainment during car trips. Color me curmudgeonly!)

6. What’s your record for calls to the pediatrician or Ask-a-Nurse in a single day?

Three. Meredith was very ill when she was six months old, and I really don’t want to talk about it. Bad memories. (I spent most of that weekend rocking her in the rocking chair and reading East of Eden. Meredith LOVES that book!)

7. What’s the sexiest thing your partner could text you after a hard day?

“My car is loaded with Delhi’s Chaat.”

8. What’s your favorite iPad joke?

I was going to write my OWN joke that had something to do with how Momspotters NEED iPads, but then I cringed and made hot tea instead. You’re welcome.

9. What’s the dumbest parenting tool, gear, gadget or device you ever bought?

A bottle warmer. I nursed both of my kids, and neither of them ever took a bottle. (Several years passed during which I couldn’t leave the house for more than two hours at a time. I was really fun to be around during those years.)

10. How many years will it take for your child to become more tech-savvy than you?

It won’t take long. My six year old is already using the Internet for research, and both kids know how to use the DVD player and the Wii. They’re fearless, which is key.

Okay. Here is where you come in. In one week, I’m going to knit a hat. If you answer the ten meme questions in my comment section, I’ll enter you in the drawing for the hat. If you answer the questions at your blog, leave a link in my comment section, and I’ll enter you in the drawing for the hat. If you tweet about it, leave the link. You’re entered. AND, if you do NOT have kids, leave a comment below just telling me that you want the stinking hat! You’re entered! (Let’s make this official. I’ll do the drawing on February 7! AND, if you win, we’ll pick out the pattern and color together!) In the meantime, feel free to visit the BlogHer Family Connections Forum! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Tide Whiff Wise!

Because I’ve decided to make 2010 The Year During Which I Finish What I’ve Started (TYDWIFWIS—pronounced Tide Whiff Wise), last night I finished my first fingering weight colorwork hat. I started it many months ago for a friend in Japan, and the next thing you know, five months passed. But now it’s finished, soaked, and resting while wrapped around a ten-inches-in-diameter plate. Tide Whiff Wise!

Thank you for all of your kind words and wishes during my week of single parenting/furnace shopping. I am happy to report that Jeff has returned from California, and we are now the proud parents of a huge working furnace. Because we spent more money on that furnace than we’ve spent on either of our children, I’ve decided to give the furnace a gender-specific pronoun. She. And although Fern would be much easier to remember, I’ve decided to call her Eudora.

Confession: I watch Days of Our Lives. Every Day. Also, my favorite Christmas present is a green and red mass-produced quilt my mom bought at Cracker Barrel. (Sometimes you just have to get these things off your chest.)

Two years ago, I started one of these, got about one third of the way through it, and stashed it in a drawer. I believe it’s time to finish what I’ve started. Tide Whiff Wise!

Edited to Add: Because Isabella Golightly is a genius, I have created a Tide Whiff Wise Flickr Pool! (I’m FluidPudding on Flickr. Shoot a message my way, and I’ll add you to the group!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Internet? You’re going to think I’m crazy.

Okay. Do you remember me telling you that I knitted hats and mittens for a few of the teachers at school? If you follow that link, pay special attention to the part about the coach who gets Meredith out of the car every morning with a smile and a “Good morning, Meredith!”

Anyway, I made this hat for the coach, and we gave it to him two days before Christmas break began.

On the day before Christmas break, I saw him in the hall, and he (wearing the hat) came up and said, “My wife told me today is the last day I get to wear this hat, because she’s taking it for herself!”

I told this story to a good friend of mine, and her first response was, “Don’t do it. Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about knitting a hat for his wife.”

Oh, people. Because I’m so “La la laaaah! Everyone should get what they want for Christmas! Benevolence!”, I DID knit the hat—the same hat, only black. I also gave it a lavender rinse, and it’s currently drying on my dining room table.

This morning when I took Meredith to school, the coach was not wearing his hat. And suddenly, I was struck with hesitance. What if that whole story about the wife taking the hat was his (very clever) way of telling me not to expect him to wear that stinking hat to school every morning?! He covered himself the same exact way I often cover MYSELF. But maybe he wasn’t covering. Maybe he really did dig the hat.

Wait a second. Can we take time out for me to sing that Paul Simon song with the “Maybe I Think Too Much” lyrics? No? You have no time for that? Well, okay then.

My question for you: Should I give him the extra hat, or will he then feel like he HAS to wear the first hat to school?

Do you torture yourself like this? (And don’t even tell me how ridiculous I’m being, because I know! Believe me, I already know! I have a Xanax prescription for this very reason!)

Oh! A few of you asked about the recipe for the warm salad I mentioned earlier in the week. It was the Insalata Toscano from Brio. Hooray for Christmas gift cards! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

I sort of love Jonathan Safran Foer. And long mittens.

Thanks to all of you, my family will be eating chili for the next three weeks. High fives to one and all.

I’m leaving the house in a few minutes to get a little bit sushified. I may or may not add on a trip to the book store to pick up Eating Animals. I’ve been cheating on my vegetarian sensibilities for the past few months, and I believe this book will put me right where I need to be.

Most importantly, the holiday knitting has begun.

So far, I have two mittens, neither of which have thumbs. I shall thumb them in the coming weeks, and they will be gifted to one of Meredith’s teachers. Next up? A hat for the coach who lets Meredith out of the car every morning. Because he does it with a smile and a “Good morning, Meredith!” Every Single Day Even When It’s Raining.

Raw fish doesn’t really count as meat, right?

Don’t answer that. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

As long as there’s Sea Silk, the world is a happy place. Right?

Our annual neighborhood street party took place two weeks ago. While the girls were off playing with the other kids, Jeff reached over from his lawn chair and touched my hair. Naturally, I thought he was feeling amorous, but I covered.

Me: Did I have a bug?

Jeff: No. I was just noticing the gray.

Oh, Internet. It’s been happening for a long time, but it never really became Real until that moment. I Am Getting Old. I am no longer able to change the shape of my body. (I’ve been trying unsuccessfully for over a year now, and sure: I have been known to eat handfuls of chocolate chips, but for the most part? I am a healthy eater. AND, I’ve once again been working out every day. Still, the pants are too tight and the scale never changes.) I am The Shape of a Mom. And it sounds like I’m complaining. I’m not complaining. I believe I’m really just sort of sighing and realizing that I can’t get out of bed and look fresh anymore. (The sad thing? When I was in my twenties, I could get out of bed and look good. AND, I looked better as the day dragged on. By 11:00 at night when it was time to go out? A little bit of eyeliner and some shoes of questionable height would often score free beverages for me! It’s not like that anymore. It’s not like that At All.)

But that’s not really what I wanted to talk about. What I WANTED to do was share my Friday with you. This morning I dropped Meredith off at school, I’m currently drinking coffee while Harper plays a game, and in about two hours I’m going to The Loopy Ewe to pick up a skein of Hand Maiden Sea Silk 150. You see, the Sea Silk normally comes in 437 yard skeins. HOWEVER, every once in awhile things go happy crazy, and some skeins are created that contain 656 yards! And because Sea Silk is my all time favorite yarn, this happy crazy event often feels like the smiliest part of Christmas morning. For me, at least. (Side note: If you order a skein of Sea Silk 150, let me know. I can provide a list of possible patterns for you! I’ve been doing some research! I think I’ll be making one of these!)

After my yarn pick-up, Harper and I are going to the mall with my mom to grab a bite of lunch before she gets her monthly B12 shot, and then we will be returning home so I can get my bag packed for an evening of Houlihan’s and scrapbooking. And that’s funny, because I don’t really scrapbook as a verb. However, I *do* enjoy Houlihan’s with friends (although the apostrophe S is really bothering me today for some reason), and I haven’t carried my goofy scissors into a mall in over a year, so there you go. (I’ve been putting a note in Meredith’s lunch box every day for the past three weeks. I believe my evening will be spent stockpiling a bunch of those notes. Right now, I tend to simply draw a backward cat out of a Q and then write something ridiculous like “This cat wishes he could wear your candy corn shirt!!!” Yeah. I’m struggling.)

So, what’s your plan for today?

(I offer my apologies for being so bland. What do you want to know?)

Edited to Add: Aaaaahhhhhhhh.
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Blitzkrieg Bop

I have an idea. Let’s make that whole “Attack Site” thing The Thing of Which We Shall Not Speak (TToWWSNS), okay? Onward!

I have a question. Should I be eating polenta? My grocery store is starting to carry “exciting” flavors, and I really don’t know what polenta is, but if the packaging looks sort of artsy and the words Mushroom Onion are right there in front of me, well, let’s just say I’m feeling a bit of temptation. The only thing that makes me put the polenta back on the shelf is the fact that holding it reminds me of holding pork sausage. I hold pork sausage only once each year. On Christmas morning. When I make this.

I have another question. Does anyone else detest the mornings as much as I do? It seems that our mornings are filled with kids yelling and screaming and pushing one another, and I let all of these things slowly fill me up until steam pours out of my ears and I feel as if I might sneak off into the bedroom and put my fist through a wall. This morning on the way to school, I (loudly) taught the girls about The Golden Rule. And I know how ridiculous I sounded, but I decided to NOT yell and scream about their behaviors and ugh! something about the importance of Teaching Moments, and gheez. I came home from drop off and made the biggest, most unstable pinto bean burrito you can imagine, and then I went to the vet clinic and picked up Ramona, who had a bit of a peeing issue on Monday, and now here I sit with a cat on my lap and a banana in my hand.

Me: Meredith, do you want Harper to push YOU down?

Meredith: No.

Me: Then you shouldn’t push Harper down.

Meredith: Mommy, I really don’t think Harper is strong enough to push me down.

Me: Burritoburritoburritoburritoburrito…

I’m wearing handknit socks today, and they go a little something like this:

Also, don’t forget the Febreze Giveaway! (It occurred during TToWWSNS, and I don’t want you to miss it!)

Finally, I’m doing NaBloPoMo in November. Are you?

Oh! Have you visited Offbeat Mama? Because I love it. So much. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

It’s like buying a brand new notebook and spiffy pen!

I suppose it’s a bit silly how I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar-ish I get after completing a seemingly piece of cake act like updating software. Suddenly, I’m wearing new underpants, and I feel like sitting here and writing all day. ($40 says I could have you sleeping by noon.)

After spending entirely too much money in Chicago (On YARN! My sister thinks I’m batty!), I took on a few reviews this week. SO, you’ll see those in the next week or so if you’re interested. (I was able to shoot a video of my kids eating spinach, and my house now smells autumnal and fresh. So there you go.)

What? You want to know what I’ll be knitting in the next several months? Let’s start with This Exact Shawl. It was hanging up in the very first booth we entered last weekend, and it didn’t really appeal to me until I was asked to try it on. (I’m still not sure how that happened. I was sort of drunk on silk at the time, and would have probably done just about anything asked of me. Luckily, I kept my skirt on.) Anyway, I tried on the shawl, and the angels started singing and I cried for three hours to release all of my toxins and ugliness and then I sang love songs to everyone in the convention center (Neil Diamond has nothing on me!), and right before I asked if I could go on a hugging spree, the woman removed the shawl and placed the pattern and yarn into a bag.

I’m currently this far in the game:

And that’s really not far at all, being that I have visions of curling up in this thing on Christmas morning as I sip coffee, listen to Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis, and wait for everyone to wake up. (It’s a personal tradition, give or take the hooker.)

I also bought the kit to make a sweater that is not a sweater. (Once again with the treachery of images!) It’s not a Sweater, it’s a stinking work of art. And I’m not going to link to it here, because you’ll look at the photograph and say, “Hhhmmmm. Time to put on a quilted Americana vest and stuff yourself with a big stupid piece of pie, Pudding!” I am going to keep you in suspense. (Only five people are still reading at this point. Does the knitting talk bore you?) Here’s a bone (I really hate that phrase, by the way): I just corresponded with the woman who is sending the kit to me. She told me the yarn has been back-ordered from Italy, and I firmly believe that adds to the allure. Because now the sweater is like a work of ITALIAN art, meaning Michelangelo and I could probably make out for awhile over coffee and tiramisu. (Tempe? Back me up. The sweater sort of resembles the Sistine Chapel ceiling, no?)

Abrupt change of topic! Tonight is our neighborhood party. More often than not, the party ends early for me when Harper either falls down, or simply decides she would rather sit on a couch in our family room and watch the party through the window than participate in it. (How do you raise your kids to be social creatures when you are most definitely NOT a social creature? Xanax and pumpkin beer? I try my best, and then I go to bed and blame it all on my DNA.)

A few of you have e-mailed to ask what I’m doing to combat the IBS madness. Currently? I’m drinking coffee sprinkled with Benefiber, because I’m your mother. (And to the few who sent e-mails asking me to take down my colon photos? I’m not taking down my colon photos. My colon is my loveable serpentine baby that will (hopefully) always remain inside of me. He deserves his time in the sun, where Sun=Fluid Pudding Front Page.)

This entry was brought to you by WordPress Version 2.8.4! And that sentence will not appear at the end of every entry! Five more minutes of healthy horn tooting, if you please.

Most importantly, enjoy your weekend. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Vanilla Long John Love with a Side of Fiona Apple

This morning I dropped Meredith off at school, returned home with Harper, made coffee, started a load of laundry, plopped down onto the couch, and remembered that I haven’t pulled up Fluid Pudding in over a week.

Whiny Paragraph: I barely made it through the evening of Meet the Teacher last week. Argh. I’m not sure if it’s my general lack of adult interaction or the fact that I’ve always been socially awkward, but any time I spoke to someone that evening, my lip got all quivery and my eyes twitched and I’m sure I looked palsy bound. I have no idea why I get so rattled. Is this why people take Xanax? Is this why people drink wine throughout the day? Is this why some people (namely, Angela Pudding) should choose to stay home and watch crap television instead of attempting to exchange a simple round of small talk? I really thought throwing on a cute skirt would give me at least an hour of sparkling confidence. The spooky trees failed me.

In Which I Attempt to Turn my Frown Upside Down (And, I Fail!): But enough about that! School is now in session! Meredith adores first grade! Harper is in love with Pre-K! I had sushi for lunch yesterday and Gokul for dinner! On a semi-related note, I’m back on Weight Watchers and am six pounds into my fourteen pound goal. (As much as I complain about Weight Watchers, it really does work for me. You know, when I actually do it instead of simply talking about it.) Jeff’s class reunion is coming up in a few months, and I already know that the room will be filled to the brim with Lovelies, and I also already know that there’s not nearly enough time for me to get the adequate amount of therapy that will allow me to be a social butterfly that evening. SO, at least I can try to fit into one of my favorite “sit in a corner and eat toasted ravioli” dresses. Also, spunky shoes might help. Yes, I said Spunky.

Something happened last Friday that has never happened before. As a woman from the lab took a bunch of blood out of my arm, she told me that I have super cute feet. And because I generally am not a foot person and always feel awkward in sandals (Wait. I truly AM a disaster, aren’t I?!), I decided to ramble a bit too much about how the color I’m wearing is OPI’s “Over the Taupe” and that Alison Sweeney wears it on Days of Our Lives and the more I talked The More I Talked. So, yeah. Over the Taupe. I love it in the same way that I love buying a new pen and a new notebook. It’s that GOOD kind of love. Vanilla Long John Love. (Although, I tend to prefer mine unfilled.)

(I bought fresh ginger yesterday! And the kind folks on Facebook taught me how to prepare it! Balance! Can you tell that I’m scowling more than usual today?! Meredith kicked the cat last night, and I’m still not really over it. Also, Seasonique? Yeah. It failed me this week. I will not elaborate. Ginger in my bok choy tonight!)

In about three weeks I’ll be making my annual trip to Chicago to buy yarn. My goal is to buy a silk/wool blend to make a black one of these and perhaps something neutral with a lot of drape to make one of these. I’m also keeping my eyes open for something black and shiny to make another one of these. Also, there will be grits. And two nights in a hotel. The possibility of a martini. And because it’s a road trip? Nutter Butters and coffee—the perfect road trip snack.

Two hours have passed since I first sat down at the computer. I just dropped Harper off at school, meaning I now have 2.5 hours to myself before I pick everyone up.

I love this song, and am now on a quest to find an audio file and some decaf Earl Grey. Enjoy your afternoon.

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